There are three people who I can’t find, but who I would like to see, and tell them how they changed the course of my life.
I would like to find the two men, whose names I do not know, that saved my life, back in 1997. One man pulled me to safety as I was standing on the railing over the Tacoma Narrows Bridge.
On the same night, another man, pulled over to the side of I-5 and checked on me in my car. I was barely conscious, as I had taken two bottles of pills. He called 911 and stayed with me until help arrived.
I didn’t know then, but I was about to begin the best sixteen years of my life. If those men hadn’t cared enough to stop and help a suicidal woman that was hearing voices, I would have missed all those amazing years of happiness. I am forever grateful to them.
The last person I would like to see is my last psychiatrist. I had been seeing her for several years, and then one day, I received a letter in the mail, and the letter said, to choose a different doctor. It seemed that no one knew why she left.
I asked my primary care physician, because the two of them used to work together, and she didn’t know what happened. For nearly a year, I kept calling her office to see if she had completely terminated her employment or if she had made plans to return.
Eventually they told me she wasn’t coming back.
I still miss her, and I want to tell her something.
The last time I saw her, she told me, “As your homework, I want you to tell one person in your life that you have schizophrenia.” You see, she knew that I was living in hiding for over twenty years, and she wanted me to learn, by slowing coming out, that the world was a safe place.
I took her seriously.
In her honor, I have come out to everyone in my life. I am now living in the open. I want to tell her the good and the bad. How people have reacted. I want to invite her to the performance of the monologue I wrote about living with schizophrenia that is coming out in May. I want to tell her, that I made it. I made it. The world hasn’t completely accepted me, but many people have.
I want to talk to her one last time and say thank you.
Thank you for always telling me I wasn’t crazy.