Tags
acitivist, Advocate, creative nonfiction, inspiration, mental health, mental illness, psychiatry, psychology, schizophrenia, writer, writing
I have over 1500 “friends” on Facebook and most of them I don’t know. I am friends with writers, many of them very successful writers. Some of them have been published in the New York Times, most of them have a least one book, and have won at least one, if not many, awards, fellowships, grants, etc. There are several writing teachers and professors on my list. A year ago, I used social media to keep in touch with friends from high school and college, but now I use social media to network. I have very few “real life friends” left on my list.
Being friends with these writers, and reading about their successes every day does something for me. I want to be among them. I watch where they get published. I read their well written essays and poems. Most of them are better writers than I am, and I think that is great, because I learn from them. It takes me out of my comfort zone and makes me strive to be better.
Then there is something else going on with my social media pages. I am an advocate for the mentally ill, and I follow many people, nonprofits, and agencies that represent, or educate, or provide services for, the mentally ill. So, I am also “friends” with many people who have a mental illness. Many of these mentally ill people are also writers. Some of them are terrific writers, but some of them are treated like celebrity writers by their followers, but in reality their writing is terrible.
I think I know what is going on there. People are treating the writer as a huge success, because they have a mental illness, and are congratulating the person for doing something, anything, that takes effort and talent. But these people are not held to the standards of good writing, they are held to a different standard, a lesser standard, because, “isn’t it amazing that someone with her/his disability is able to write at all?” These people are told how great they are, how special they are, how amazing they are, when the truth is, if they submitted their writing to be judged alongside other writers for a space in an online magazine, or a competition, they would get a rejection.
Even though eighty percent of what I write has to do with mental illness, I don’t want to be given a special pass, because I am mentally ill. I want to continue to take classes, take workshops, read fantastic writing, and get better so that when it is between me and another writer for the same slot, I will sometimes come out on top.
This blog is very important to me, but if I get a special pass anywhere, it is here. Here is where I am known as someone with schizophrenia. I am probably labeled schizophrenic before I am labeled writer on these pages.
It is important to me to continue to write and submit articles and poetry to online magazines and journals, and to be accepted by the places I see other writers being accepted. It is important, because I don’t want a pass for being mentally ill. I only want to be judged by the quality of my writing, not the fact that I have a diagnosis that makes it difficult to write a story from beginning to end without getting side tracked in disjointed thinking.
I don’t want the fact that I write to be considered amazing. I want my words to someday be amazing. I want to inspire, because of my competencies, not because of my deficiencies.
Even though it would appear to be to my advantage to be held to a lesser standard (more support, more compliments, etc.) that is not what I want. My dream is to be a good writer, not a schizophrenic writer. If you will read that last sentence again, you will understand that there is a huge difference.
Thank you for writing this! You are inspiring 🙂
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Thank you!
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I understand this completely. To be held to a lesser standard would be so disappointing and demeaning really. You are one of my favourite reads each and every day and that has nothing to do with you having an illness. It has everything to do with the content and the quality of your message and how you convey it (your writing)..
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Your post brought tears to my eyes! Thank you. I’m so happy people understand. I was afraid it wouldn’t come across the right way.
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You are most welcome. Your writing is thought provoking and has made me view the world with a new and much better lens.
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Great piece. I especially loved the line “Being friends with these writers, and reading about their successes every day does something for me. I want to be among them.” I know this feeling well.
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Thanks!
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I agree with you wholeheartedly. I am trying to get out in the world as a writer using my experiences as a foothold with my autobiography, but I don’t want to become a celebrity just because of what I’ve been through. I want to be successful as a writer, not because of what I have survived. That’s the problem with society; we focus on and tiptoe around those we have mental illness. Now that it is recognized, society has learned to tiptoe around those who state they have mental illness and treat them differently. I don’t want that. I want the truth. Help me as a writer by telling me what is good about my work and what could be improved upon.
If it is any consolation, I don’t follow your blog because you have schizophrenia. I follow you because I find your blogs well written and interesting. 🙂
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Thank your for your thoughtful comment and input. The reason I like submitting my work to magazines, and journals is that they have no idea I have a mental illness and they don’t care. They are judging me solely on the article or poem I wrote. That is why when I get an acceptance, I am so thrilled.
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I meant, thank you, not thank your….typing too fast.
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That’s definitely the way to go 🙂 I would feel the same way!
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I agree with what these folk are saying. Just write and learn.
Kris
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Rebecca, What you have written is very complex, and I’m trying to find a good response to express my thoughts both to validate and encourage you and to address a confusion I have experienced around a friend’s insistence that I do not treat him differently.
I enjoy your blog a LOT! It is hard sometimes to separate your having schizophrenia from what you write for the reason you say–you write a lot about matters related to your illness. But in a larger sense, you write about what it means to be an imperfect person in an imperfect body in an imperfect world, and that is a condition we all experience. We all want to be seen, heard, and know we are valued and valid. Period. Therefore you are not a schizophrenic writer. You are a writer who observes the human condition and has maybe even a greater sensitivity and awareness because of her illness. You do a great job! I’m going to be one of the people watching how YOU do it so maybe one day I can publish something.
My painful personal thought on the topic of equal treatment: I am still working through a painful rupture in a valued relationship with a friend (and his wife, Hanna, who appears in some of my blogging) who has at various times been diagnosed as having schizophrenia, Bipolar I, schizoaffective disorder, depression, or those in various combinations. During a lengthy stay at our home, he expressed his hurt and indignation that he did not receive special treatment and accomodation due to his condition. At the same time, he expressed his hurt and indignation that he was treated like a sick person. I think we were kind, authentic, and appropriate but somehow we never achieved the proper balance, and a long and valued friendship ended badly. I am still trying to understand how we ended up here.
You may not want to say anything but if you do have any thoughts on my personal dilemma, I’m happy to hear them. I think this may be where I need to look at our personalities rather than draw conclusions based on a particular diagnosis.
I’m kind of scared to post this but I’m going to anyway in case it helps me or someone else who is not officially diagnosed with an illness who is trying to maintain a friendship with a valued and ill friend.
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I find this complex too. I am mixed on the issue myself. I don’t want to be treated differently where my art is concerned, but there are definitely times when I need to be given “special” accommodations. One time I had a panic attack at a writing workshop and one of my friends (a good friend) left the workshop to drive me home. I really needed her to do this. I just couldn’t hold it together. I am fortunate to have a partner that not only is good with my symptoms, but he spoils me too, so I get special treatment all the time. I’m not joking about that. But when it comes down to business, he depends on me. If he is sick or needs me to take care of something, I do it. Some people probably use their illness to get attention. I do not. I hid my illness from most people for over twenty years so that can hardly be considered attention seeking behavior. If your friend is newly diagnosed he may not know how he wants to be treated yet. Getting used to a diagnosis is no easy task and figuring out how you fit in the world after being told you have a severe mental illness doesn’t happen over night. It is also possible that your friend is having active symptoms that may prevent him from acting in a way that makes sense to you. Before I was medicated I made terrible choices in my life on a regular basis. When I am actively psychotic, I am not the same person who is typing you this comment. Not at all. Not even close. I don’t know what else to tell you other than I hope the relationship can be mended. It is indeed complex, and it sounds like you are doing your best!
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Thanks very much for your wise comments. I am trying, indeed. He diagnosis is not a new one but there have been no times I have known him when he did not have significant positive or negative symptoms so I think I just need to love him from afar and be ok with not understanding. I am not sure he can be held accountable, and he is trying to get better. I know that.
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I had a six month period one time where I was actively psychotic. I can’t tell you how painful and horrible that was for my husband because I simply could not love him in that state. Your friend may go into remission or get on medication that changes everything for him. I will hope for the best. He is lucky to have you in his life.
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I understand what you are saying. At times growing up, I felt like I was given special treatment because of my mom’s illness. At times even writing second hand about her experience seems to have the same effect. I enjoy your writing style because it is easy to read and to the point and yet still has a lot of depth about life in general. I’m glad that you write about the schizophrenia because it gives me a much better understanding of what my mom experienced in a way that I can comprehend. One of the most interesting things about people’s reactions when I tell them about my mom’s illness is that they have trouble understanding that it was just one part of who she was. It wasn’t like she was walking around with a sign that said “I’m schizophrenic”, and most people wouldn’t have even know she was ill. I think the way you write about your daily life proves that point as well. You are first and foremost a writer, who happens to have an illness that you choose to share about, and I am glad on both accounts.
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Oh, thank you, Amy! You are always so supportive!
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This is beautiful. I read your blog a fair amount and your writing is amazing. Very inspiring
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Thank you!
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Reblogged this on Sarah's Attic Of Treasures and Our Neck Of The Woods and commented:
This is a favorite blog. I will update tags and such later. I will also add my thoughts.
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Thank you for reblogging my post! I appreciate it!
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I think the quality of the writing is way down the list of whether a writer is successful. Critics, including fan groups, have various agendas. One must connect up to critics and write what pushes agendas of critics to be successful in writing. Books now are canvases on which critics can express themselves. Critics are the patrons of today. Some patrons of today can have an excellent taste but that is very rare.
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Interesting. I’ve never heard of this before.
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Deadpool got an 85% approval rating from critics on Rottentomatoes.
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I’m not familiar with Deadpool
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