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anxiety, mental health, mental illness, paranoia, psychiatry, psychology, psychosis, psychotic, schizophrenia, symptoms, terrors, voices
Schizophrenia is a beast in many big ways, paranoia, psychosis, voices, terrors, etc. It is also difficult in some more less known and subtle ways.
When my husband and I are going on a trip, no matter how much I am looking forward to it, I get completely stressed out and have a difficult time sleeping the night before. The reason for this isn’t my anxiety (which can be overwhelming) it is my inability to differentiate between some feelings. I can’t tell the difference between excitement and stress.
Most people get excited when they are looking forward to doing something they love. I don’t know that feeling anymore, it went away many years ago, so long ago, that I can only vaguely remember how much fun it was.
I can think back to Christmas Eve as a child, and remember the magic, joy, anticipation, and delight that I felt knowing that Santa would visit and leave presents in my stocking and under the tree while I was sleeping. It was a wonderful feeling. There was nothing negative or uncomfortable about it.
Now if there is something that I should be excited about, I feel uncomfortable, agitated, and stressed. I don’t know how to tell the difference between expecting something good and expecting something difficult. Excitement is an unpleasant feeling to me that I no longer welcome.
I’m thankful that I can still differentiate between most positive and negative feelings. I still experience happiness and joy. The thrill of excitement has been removed from my experience, and although I think that is sad, it’s not the worst symptom of an illness that steals so much from so many.
I’m sorry about your brains inability to differentiate those emotions. As you said, i’m sure it upsets the delicate balance of emotions. It does help (those of us w/o schizophrenia) to understand some of those afflicteds emotions & the behavior it causes. Thank you, great post!
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Thank you!
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I am not a big fan of the whole excitement experience, because for me it can quickly translate into anxiety. I have found I am most comfortable with the little things each day that bring me joy.
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I understand this.
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From my own perspective anxiety had done the same to me it is a loss that I don’t like, the difference between excitement and anxiety. I will add one more: suspense. Like the suspense full feeling that one gets just before they throttle up the engines on the jet before take off. Fear has worked its way in for me.. I hate it.. : -(
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😦
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Good post. I likewise know in advance of any event, good bad or otherwise, that I will have a sleepless night the night before. I don’t know if it is excitement or anxiety, it’s just there. There’s no feeling of excitement or of anxiety, I am just left hanging. Thanks again
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Very well written.
I still get excited at the thought of something I like. My trouble is: I get to excited. I build it up in my mind. In my head. Then when IT happens I feel such a let down.
The best example I can think of is Christmas.
I LOVE HOLIDAYS and Christmas Is my ALL TIME FAVORITE.
Or it WAS. Till Bobby died.
Even then, I still looked forward to end.
Like a child.
I WANT THINGS to be like they USE to BE….NOT Like they really are.
My family live MILES and MILES AWAY.
Danny DOES NOT DO HOLIDAYS.
It’s not that he doesn’t know how. Or he doesn’t believe in them.
SO NOT TRUE.
It’s just that he will find a way to totally ruin them. Most of the time it’s intentional.
Yet, I keep planning. I keep EXPECTING IT TO BE DIFFERENT.
I know this isn’t quite what you were talking about but it is the closest I can come to understanding it.
I use to LOVE our Park roundups.
NOW: BLAA BLAA BLAA.
HUGS
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I feel your heartbreak. Yes, the holidays are difficult for many people. Hugs to you!
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