Tags
acitivist, advocacy, creative nonfiction, employment, hope, inspiration, jobs, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, psychiatry, psychology, schizophrenia, severe mental illness, social work
My symptoms have been very light lately and every time that happens, I try to go back to school or go back to work. Unfortunately, the reason my symptoms are light is the fact that my husband works very hard to make sure there is as little stress and as few requirements on me as possible. Not only does my husband go to work every day and pay our bills, he takes care of much of the daily tasks around our house. He is a true caretaker.
So, with my confidence up I have been applying for jobs. I have over a decade of experience as a social worker and I have experience in a university library as a technical coordinator, and I have quite a bit of marketing, and networking experience, and some nonprofit development and fundraising experience.
I have had some terrific jobs since college, and I have frequently updated my education by returning to school. I am a true lifelong learner and love the experience of school (at least the learning and instruction, and test taking, and paper writing side of it).
Since I went on disability from my last job, I attended a culinary school and made it about six months into the program before I couldn’t do it anymore (I also discovered that I am not a very good cook. I am an excellent baker, but not a good cook. I really don’t have the natural ability. I got A’s on all the written information, but was not good in the kitchen). I also applied and got accepted to two graduate programs in writing (MFA) but for various reasons, I didn’t make it too far with those either. I am an excellent student and I work very hard to get A’s, but the stress of interacting with teachers, and students, makes me so symptomatic. (Social anxiety is one of my symptoms that continues to progress with age). Also, being around groups of people brings out my paranoia – at times a little bit and at times too much for me to handle. There are other symptoms and issues, but I’m not going to list them all here.
So, because my symptoms have been light lately, I have hope and confidence, and have been trying to stay realistic about what kind of work I can actually do and not hurt my self-esteem by trying and failing. I think I can easily say that I could manage a job as a social media professional – keeping up a company’s Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and blog. I could do that if I was allowed to work from home. I have applied for a couple of jobs like that, but I haven’t gotten very far. I was given a chance to write one blog entry for a company I really wanted to work for, but they said my style was too abrupt, not friendly or chatty enough. Well, as someone who submits writing to publications frequently, I can accept rejection, because I receive rejections weekly (and thankfully, acceptances!) I’m not going to give up hope of finding a job where I can work from home and write. There are many jobs like that, but the competition is tough. I will just have to keep trying and hope I hit the right tone and style with the right company.
I have also been looking into school. I have always dreamed of getting my MFA, but my experiences along that road, have not been a good ones. I have to think, why do I want my MFA? I want to be a writer that is good enough to be writing for publications that pay writers for their articles. In other words, I want to make a living from my writing. I’m not at that stage yet. I am building up my portfolio, but I have only been paid for my writing three times, and it was far from enough to even cover our Internet bill.
So, I need to get better at the craft of writing. I need to network more. I need to find something different than an MFA that requires me to travel for several weeks a year away from home (I simply can’t do it). And the good news is I found a program just like that. It isn’t an MFA but it is a certificate program from a very prestigious school and I can complete all of it online, from home.
I am going to call tomorrow to get the details.
I am trying to get back up on my feet. I feel like the best way to be an advocate is to have a successful life. I want to be an example for those living with a severe mental illness. We can do it! We can live like other people live! We can overcome and we can achieve – we might have to fight harder, and think smarter, but we can do it!
The only thing in my bag of tricks is the desire to keep getting back up after I fall. I guess I’m more like that 8 year old who I wrote about yesterday than I thought. I hope I can inspire someone someday like he did me.
Right now, I have a can-do attitude. I’ve had it many times before. I’m up on my feet. I’m knocking on doors.
My prayer for you – may your illness never keep you down for long. The timer is ticking, get up, put up your fists, and fight. Fight on!
What a great post, I love it that you’re realistic as well as positive.
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Thank you! 🙂
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Good luck! Really hoping the online course will be exactly what you need. 😉
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Thank you! I hope so too! 🙂
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😉
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Oh, I really hope the certificate program turns out to be just what you hoped for! Yay!!!!
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I’m going to call tomorrow and get all the details. My husband is going to go over all the requirements with me today and see if he honestly thinks I can do it without failing – I don’t need another big failure right now. Thanks for your support! I am hoping it is all that I think it will be! 🙂
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I am really, really rooting for you!
(Let me be really, really transparent here. I absolutely LOVE your blog and your personality as it shines through. Period.
AND your blog is helping me to sort through that painful experience with my friend who has schizophrenia. I always try to figure out what parts of what went down were illness-related and what parts were mistakes or poor behavior on my part or his, and that helps me to be fair. He has never been as well or as high functioning as you (at least not since I have known him). I am sure some attitudes and behaviors were not within his willful control. I hope saying that does not make you feel objectified. I don’t think of you at all like an object or a bug under glass! Well, maybe you will be glad since you want people to understand this illness better.
❤
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Thank you for your kind words, and for always cheering for me ❤ No, the other part doesn't bother me. I am thankful for anyone who reads my blog especially people trying to understand more about schizophrenia and those of us who have it. We have to remember that even though some of us share the same illness, we don't, however, share the same personalities. Although I try to be an advocate for everyone with a mental illness, I don't personally like everyone I meet who suffers from one. Does that make sense?
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total and complete sense!
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Good for you! I hope you find something that feels right for you. A friend of mine started her own business running social media for several smaller companies and non-profits. None of them could afford a full-time person, but they could contract with her, and she could piece it together to be the amount of work she wanted to do. I wonder if something like that might work for you?
If your goal is to be a writer who can live from her writing – do you really need the MFA? Or can you just keep building on what you are doing, writing frequently, sending things out, and gradually publishing more and more? Do you think a certificate or MFA will get you there faster? Or maybe it’s just a way to structure on-going learning.
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Thanks, those are good ideas. Yes, I think I need further training in my writing. It helps me produce more and develop the necessary skills to publish regularly. I think I need to work on the craft of writing. I also need support and encouragement to build myself up – I have deep insecurities to overcome. Hope that makes sense. 🙂
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I love your attitude! I believe that’s half the battle…..keep forging ahead and I’m confident you will reach your desired goal.
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Just the fact you get up and keep fighting is such an inspiration. 😊
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Thank you for your kind words!!!! 🙂
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I have done an online course before for children’s writing and for the most part I enjoyed it. Most of the time I could work at my own pace and I learned how to write better. It was a good experience. My only issue with the course was it was geared to getting published THEIR way. It was too in the box thinking for me as if there was only one way to get published. THAT part I really struggled with, but I loved putting my brain to the test of creative writing.
I think your get back up attitude is great! And so much easier when your symptoms are lower. I too struggle with groups of people and getting paranoid. It’s so easy, isn’t it?
Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
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Thank you for your words of support! I have taken some good online courses and some not so good ones. I took a poetry class that I loved.
I hate anxiety and paranoia – those two symptoms are terrible and also the most frequent for me.
I hope you enjoy the rest of the weekend! 🙂
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Ah, yes! The trying to go back to work. Only tried that a few times without much success but that was in the height of my illnesses, alcoholism and bipolar aka severe depression. But, now after what seemed as the throwing in the trowel phase and getting sober, I’ve been able to hold a part time job, get very stable mentally with the help of a great therapeutic team and modern chemistry, I am 66 years old and aggressively seeking to become the City Manager of the Town I live in. Who would have thought?
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That is a fantastic story! You are an inspiration to us all! 🙂
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What a positive and uplifting , make you smile and get you going post. The best kind….
You have a set of goals. I am so glad that your husband is so supportive. Danny just isn’t. I am not really sure why. We use to share some of the housework but then I was working side by side him.
I can’t do that now. He doesn’t seem to realize I can keep the house up all the time either. Even the little everyday tasks were too much last week.
You at least have someone working with you.
If I could afford to, I would have you help get me going with my blog.
I have confidence you will find something you can do at home.
I use to be able to interact with people in large groups. Now, I get “Headaches” just from thinking of it.
I am rambling and my thought are starting to jumble up a bit.
Let us /me know how things progress. Even the little steps.
🙂
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