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acitivist, advocacy, Advocate, bipolar, dangerous, depression, housing, huffington post, imagination, massacre, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, mr. rogers, neighborhood, psychiatry, psychology, reality, rejection, schizophrenia, stress, suffer, television, writing
“For example, one month after the Newtown massacre, over two-thirds of survey respondents reported being unwilling to be neighbors with someone who has a serious mental illness, and nearly half believed that people with serious mental illness are “by far” more dangerous than the general population.” (Quote from Huffington Post article.)
Two-thirds of the people surveyed didn’t want to be neighbors with someone who has a serious mental illness? I have a serious mental illness. So, two-thirds of those people wouldn’t want me as a neighbor?
I posted the article with the quote and wrote about it earlier, but the fact that such a high percentage of people wouldn’t want to be my neighbor didn’t sink in for a couple of hours.
That fact hit me hard.
I’m not welcome? I’m not wanted? There are people who are afraid of me, and would rather I live somewhere, anywhere, except near them? If everyone felt this way, where would I go? Where would I be wanted? Where would I be welcome? What if I have no choice but to live by one of those people who don’t want me as a neighbor? Would they try to make me so uncomfortable and unwelcome that I am forced to move out? What if I didn’t have the resources to move out? A stressful situation like that would most definitely make my symptoms worse, and I would suffer from their fear, misunderstanding, and lack of empathy and compassion. I would probably have a stress induced episode, making my life terrifying and traumatic and making me look to them as someone they want even less.
To be mentally ill is difficult. To have a severe mental illness is extremely difficult. To not be wanted and know you are not wanted is like being transported back to high school where kids had no problem telling you to get lost, take a hike, beat it. It’s like a sucker punch to your self-esteem and your ego.
The only comfort I can find right now is from a show I watched when I was four, five, and six years old – Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. Here is the song Mr. Roger’s sang at the beginning of each show:
It’s a beautiful day in this neighborhood,
A beautiful day for a neighbor.
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?…
It’s a neighborly day in this beauty wood,
A neighborly day for a beauty.
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?…
I’ve always wanted to have a neighbor just like you.
I’ve always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you.
So, let’s make the most of this beautiful day.
Since we’re together we might as well say:
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
Won’t you be my neighbor?
Won’t you please,
Won’t you please?
Please won’t you be my neighbor?
I wish everyone with a severe mental illness could hear the words of Fred Rogers when they are looking for a place to call home.
I heard this song five days a week before I started kindergarten. The song is a piece of me, and just like Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood was an imaginary world with puppets, and actors, I am going to pretend that there is a community that feels this way about people with a severe mental illness, because the alternative, the reality that so many people don’t want to be my neighbor is…reality that I’d prefer to reject.
This is a very difficult ‘pill’ to swallow indeed – that my neighbour’s wouldn’t want me to live near them because I have a mental illness. I have withheld this information from some neighbours because I don’t want them mistrusting me with their kids (even though they all know I have “anger issues” and can’t handle a lot of stress). No one asks me to babysit their kids, because I have made it clear, in not-so-many-words, that I can’t handle it. This of course makes me feel like a terrible neighbour and friend – completely unreliable – but it’s a matter of survival for me.
Great post 🙂
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Yes, it is a painful and difficult “pill” to swallow. I felt terrible after reading those statistics. I haven’t told my neighbors about my illness, but my information is easily available if they are curious about the book I wrote or something like that. Thanks for your comment. I hope you have a nice weekend!!! 🙂
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Thanks lots. You as well!!
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The stigma just never ends…and yet the states is full of people with serious mental illness. Ignorance is bliss, as always…
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I know. I know. Sigh.
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I watched Mr. Rogers everyday, too. He represented kindness in the world and he had a huge part in shaping my young mind. Anyone who actually knows you would be happy to have you as a neighbor. That’s why your blog is so important, to shed some light. I think those surveyed were responding to the criminally insane – no one wants to live next to a criminal – and perhaps don’t know there is a difference.
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You could be right. I’m not sure what people were thinking when they were asked the question about living next to someone with a mental illness. Thanks for your comment. How are you doing? Still holding up?
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On the flip side, why would you want to be their neighbours?
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Good question. 🙂
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Loved mr rogers. We could have neighbors with nentalvhealth issues right now and not even know it. Keep on blogging to get your message out
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This is so true!!!
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I don’t think any of my friends would be scared to live near someone with a severe mental illness, because they all know me.
If people knew someone with a severe mental illness I think it would change the stigma. And people need to be more educated.
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Yes, I don’t think my friends would mind being my neighbor either. I agree with you, education is the key.
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Fred Rogers was such an amazing man. I love his song, “It’s You I Like.” I used to sing it to our girls.
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He was the best! 🙂
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Had to post it on my blog today…he was the best. 🙂
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Pretty heartbreaking read. I have seen it work all manner of ways. I have seen great kindness and true friendship towards those with mental illness as well as fear and discrimination. I used to be in a Bible study group hosted by a man with Bipolar I disorder and his roommate, who had schizophrenia. On the other hand, I found it odd once that one of my most ill counseling clients complained that her neighbors were mentally ill and “weird.”
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Yes, I went to a conference where a woman who had bipolar disorder stood up and said, “At least I don’t have the dire diagnosis of schizophrenia” I left the conference in tears. People often don’t think. I hope you have a great weekend!!!! 🙂
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Mr Rogers has always been my hero! We could always start our own neighborhood! Xo
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That would be fantastic. xo
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Actually, you ARE starting your own neighborhood, a global one, just by being present and being who you are where you are:)
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Thanks for that interpretation of my blog. That makes me smile.
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It’s such a hard thing to change, too. People are afraid of people with mentally illness because (they think) they don’t know anyone with mental illness and just have images from scary movies. Then people with illness don’t want to share about their illness because they don’t want to be judged as similar to Jack Nicholas in “The Shining.” It is people like you, who are courageous enough to speak up despite the stigma, who will help to change public opinion.
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Thank you!!! 🙂
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Mental health and mental illness carries a serious stigma. Unfortunately, I hope that things do change in the future for people that need help but don’t want to be judged by labels. But walking around day to day, most people don’t know that someone is seriously suffering from depression or even schizophrenia if you are treated. I find people are ordinarily cold and can be untrustworthy. The biggest issue that I have is that regardless of mental health- you can be totally without any mental illness and people are still very selfish, especially the bigger cities. It’s hard these days living in a community where people are empathetic regardless of your illness, color of skin, ethnicity, background, education, social status, and etc. We live in a highly subjective and judgmental world unfortunately. So, if you do find people that can embrace you without judgment or pre-qualifications, count yourself lucky and blessed.
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I think the trick is joining small groups of people like a writer’s group, or a therapy group and finding empathy, support and compassion in that manner. The city streets are too busy and too rushed for people to take the time to stop and just see another person. It’s sad.
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Well, let’s just be thankful third world war does not erupt this weekend, with all the muslim terrorists, falling jets, black student riots, Europe shootings and socialist/fascist election debates. Let’s just quietly enjoy our turkeys tonight (if we can afford that) before we stomp on each other on black friday sales.
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I haven’t seen the news for a week, because I was traveling. I am hoping it isn’t all bad news.
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