Tags
acitivist, advocacy, Advocate, depression, essays, help, hope, hopeless, inpiration, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, psychiatry, psychology, suicide awareness, suicide awareness month, suicide prevention, writing
September is Suicide Awareness Month.
This post is dedicated to the memory of Mike, one of my stepbrothers.
I was in my hometown, visiting my dad, along with the man I was dating at the time, named Dennis.
We stopped by Mike’s house and Dennis and Mike seemed to hit it off, so the four of us – Dennis, me, Mike and Mike’s wife, went to the neighboring town to go drinking and dancing.
We laughed hard that night. We danced together, and drank too much.
If I had known it was going to be the last time I saw Mike, I wouldn’t have been drinking at all. I would have talked about our childhood, our parents (my dad and his mom- who were, and still are, married to each other). I would have asked about his hopes and dreams. Of course I would have listened for something, anything that would have given away the darkness he must have been dealing with.
As far as my memory stretches back, I have known Mike. He and his family (three other boys and their parents) were our neighbors from the time I was three-years-old to the time I was nine. Mike was the same age as my oldest brother and they were in school together. None of Mike’s brothers were exactly my age, but I did attend the same school as the second to the youngest for a while.
Mike didn’t have much to do with all of us younger kids but of course he was there at the Thanksgiving dinners and other holidays we shared together. On one Thanksgiving he helped my brothers and his brothers stuff my Mrs. Beasley Doll into the toilet and flush. He was a part of the neighborhood where I was the only girl among nine boys.
He was always a part of my life even if I didn’t get home to see him that often.
The loss is the most intense for his two girls, his three brothers and his mom. Every time I see them, I think about the hole that is now in their lives. I think about the grief that they must carry and the what-ifs, and the how-comes, and all the other possibilities and questions.
Mike left behind his kids, and if he were alive, he would be a grandpa, but suicide took that all away.
If you are suffering, or you know someone who is suffering, please get help. I know it is cliché, but it is also true, “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” You can come through depression or symptoms of your mental illness, and feel joy again. It is too late for so many, but it is the right time for thousands – reach out, tell someone, grab a line to life, let someone else give you the strength to live when yours is depleted. There is help.
This is in memory of Mike. I wish my dad still kept me updated on your life, and that I could drop by your house instead of your grave when I am in town. I wish I didn’t have to think of the pain your mom feels. I wish so much…
Peace out, brother.
I’m so thankful I survived my attempt last year. It really is a permanent solution to a temporary problem!
LikeLiked by 2 people
I am thankful you survived too. I wish everyone did. It is so hard, and so deeply sad.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Very touching. You don’t have to be close to a person for their suicide to effect you greatly.
LikeLike
That is true. Mike is someone I loved. I knew him my whole life.
LikeLike
I am sorry for your loss, no one should have to go threw the pain of having someone ripped away unexpectedly. I hope only the best from here on out 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your kind words.
LikeLike
The permanent solution is also eternal. Many families left behind are further vilified by the “sin” of suicide. Religion goes almost as far as people who won’t admit that depression is an illness. Clergy preach that suicide is a mortal sin. Consider the confusion of a young mind when faced with an unforgiving religion and a relative who died by their own hand. The guilt that is generated by this scenerio can cause problems to be buried deep inside. Many people of relatives also die by suicide, stopped from going for help out of guilt. I’m not anti-religion, just pro life.
LikeLike
Thank you for making it real that people we know may be suffering in this way.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Gentle Hugs Becky
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Sarah!
LikeLiked by 1 person
❤ ❤
LikeLike