I hate going to the doctor. Two weeks before my visit, I start to plan for it. The day before my appointment, I can’t get it off my mind.

My blood pressure goes way up when I visit the doctor and I hate to be weighed. Unfortunately, my psychiatrist has his office in the same place as my primary care physician and the nurses prep me in the same way to see my psychiatrist (blood pressure, temperature, weight) as they do when I go to see my other doctor.

I asked my psychiatrist if he had a clinic where I could see him away from my primary care physician’s office. I wanted somewhere to go where I didn’t associate seeing my psychiatrist with going to the doctor. I don’t like to be in the same place where I get some very uncomfortable annual tests and check-ups performed. I don’t want that level of anxiety about my psychiatrist because our relationship requires more openness and trust. He said he didn’t have an office that wasn’t a part of a group of doctors.

The last time I went to see my psychiatrist I refused to let the nurses take my vitals. I told them I was there for medication management. They were fine with that.

My psychiatrist said many people suffer from anxiety around going to the doctor. He said he gets nervous going to his doctor too. I’m not one for changing psychiatrists though. I like to build a relationship over many years not hop from one to another so it looks like I have to deal with his office arrangements.

In four hours from now, the appointment will be all over and I can get back to thinking about my writing, reading and social media. In other words, I can get on with my life and day – until the next time I have to go to the doctor (or dentist) then my whole week will be disrupted by anxiety.

I wish the whole arrangement was more casual. I wish my psychiatrist made house calls or kept office hours at a coffee shop.