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bitterness, broken promises, compassion, crime, crooks, distrust, essays, feelings, heal, healing, health, heart, hope, injury, inspiration, joy, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, paranoid schizophrenia, resentment, self care, sensitive, true, trust, wounds, writing
As we go through our day, we are often injured by the words or actions of others. Those injuries leave small (or large) wounds on our psyche.
Recently, I counted on someone to do something for me. It is something they said they would do for months, and then they didn’t follow through. As I am going about my day, I occasionally think of this broken promise. The thought brings the disappointment, confusion, and pain to the surface. I can’t make sense of what this person did to me and the wound is still open.
There was another thing that caused me an injury recently. A stranger stole from me. This situation makes me feel pain on several levels. It makes me feel worse about people in general, it makes me feel less safe and trusting of doing something I previously had no concern about, and even though I don’t know this person, it feels like a personal violation.
Every day I read positive affirmations all over social media. People love to post stuff about thinking positive, changing your attitude, because it will change your life, etc. I think positive little sayings and poems are great, but it is unrealistic to think we will always be positive when we live with and around other people, and those people may be mean, thoughtless, crooks, or just insensitive.
The things that happened to me recently are certainly not life changing situations, and they aren’t traumatic situations. I didn’t receive news that a loved one is dying, and no one I know was beat up in a robbery. I am talking about small injuries here, but even though they are small, if we don’t allow them to have their space in our lives, and we don’t allow ourselves to completely heal from them, the buildup of small injuries left unattended can lead to bitterness, resentment, distrust – they can rob us of feeling true joy.
I would like to say that in a year’s time that I won’t remember these injuries, but I know that I will. I won’t ask the person that broke their promise to me to do anything for me again, and I will never regain the trust I had for people who have small businesses online. So, although these are not huge injuries, they are significant because I lost something in both cases – trust. Trust is a critical component of life. It is particularly essential to people with paranoid schizophrenia. To me, trust is a sacred agreement between people and even some extent the larger society (we agree to follow the laws).
In a month from now, I’m not going to think about these two injuries as much as I think about them now, because they will begin to heal. I will make sure I give them proper attention, space, and time, in order to scab over.
Writing this is an important reminder to me to be kind, gentle and thoughtful when I am dealing with other people. My words and actions are important and can have more power than I know or intend. I don’t want to be the cause of injury, no matter how small those nicks and scrapes may be. So here and now, I offer you a band aid and some ointment to help recover from an injury you may have received recently. I hope your small injuries heal completely without scar tissue because that can be a layer between you and joy.
I wonder how many of your friends, like me, are wondering if we’d promised to do something for you that we forgot:)
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Of course it’s not you! I doubt the person responsible even reads my blog, but I try not to call people out on here because of privacy issues.
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Sometimes people forget a promise, not by bad will but by their busy lives. Even you might not forget your promises, we can’t expect that others are equal about same. We are all different.
I do understand, that you are very disappointed about your last buyings, but please don’t think that all small shops are cheaters. I have a small shop too and I don’t cheat my customers.
I try to have a positive attitude and when something bad happens, I try to find the light. It is more easy to get over bad things that way.
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Yes, I would still buy from people I am familiar with – not complete strangers though. I have many friends that sell online.
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Good to hear 🙂
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One way I have learned to handle situations like the ones you describe is to lower my standards of expectations. Not everyone is a perfectionist like me and even I myself know I am not perfect. After living with literally hundreds of mentally ill people in my own journey, I take most of what others say with a huge grain of salt since I can’t eat the real stuff…lol.
I agree: trust and honesty are primary factors in a schizophrenic mind that if someone crosses it, we just whip out our little black book and list their names. But I think most people do that, not just people with sz. Most people can be trusted; however, it is the depth of that trust that is one big grey area…some we can be ourselves around certain people, others we may or may not even mention our names.
I am glad that you take such time to diligently analyze the hurt you feel, even if it is just a minor wound. I generally try my best to pray, forgive and then let go and let God. I don’t forget, mind you. But I do forgive because I am no one to be pointing fingers and judging others. Take care, LaVancia
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I am a person that forgives too. It takes some time for me, but I usually get there. I need to feel the wound first though, or true forgiveness can’t happen – it sort of gets stuck. I’m not usually one to point fingers unless it is really something I can’t understand and there are a few things that people do that I really do no understand because I wouldn’t do them – other things, like breaking a promise, I may be guilty of at times. Thank you for your always thoughtful comments!
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My therapist and I had a huge misunderstanding last week. We talked it over yesterday, I know she didn’t mean to hurt me, and I said I’d gotten over it. I still feel a bit shaken though.
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Ouch, having a huge misunderstanding with a therapist would be enough to rattle me too.
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Ok I feel bad that I cancelled my hair appointment but I’ve been in so much pain I couldn’t sit through it!
My depression seems to be getting worse but I see the doc tomorrow.
Sorry your friend hurt you and sorry you were a victim of theft.
I think I have only a few IRL friends because of my breaking promises before I knew what was wrong.
Gentle hugs,
Kristin
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Thanks, Kristin. I hope your pain and your depression ease up. Thanks for your comments and support!!!
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I am glad you are hanging on to your joy, no matter what!
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I’m really impressed at this post. You talking about the insensitivity to all the positivity actually opens my eyes to something someone was telling me about how I”m always positive and how it creates a negative environment for their depression.
As far you, all of these stressings are just a stepping stone for your greatness. Don’t ever lose sight of that! You can do it!I hope karma gets that stranger good too.
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Thank you so much! 🙂
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Reblogged this on Dream Big, Dream Often and commented:
Meet A Journey With You!
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Thank you!!! 🙂
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My pleasure!
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Reblogged this on perfectlyfadeddelusions.
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Thank you!!! 🙂
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Oh I really agree, trust is very very important. I don’t have schizophrenia but all my life I’ve had issues with trust.
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I think trust is important for all of us, and it can so easily be damaged. People need to take care of trust when it is given.
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I am one of those people who share motivational quotes every day. I am doing it as much for me as anyone. For months, I lacked the motivation to do much of anything. I let my health and mental state overrun my positive side.
I understand being hurt . Danny still hurts my feelings in some way, everyday.
Some of the staff at the park have hurt me immensely with their comments about my being sick all the time.
I am losing my ability to trust as well.
My thought are all jumbled here. Sorry about that.
I enjoyed this post.
HUGS Sarah
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Sarah, I read your motivational quotes! I’m glad you are feeling well enough to write and get back outside! Take care.
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I am glad to get out when I can. Hugs My friend.
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What a great post Rebecca!!! It really made me think how I relate to others.And yes trust is important to us with schizophrenia,and everyone else too.Your words really help me,thank you!!
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Thanks, Michelle!
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