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creativity, dreams, goals, hope, inspiration, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, motivation, passion, psychiatry, psychology, writer, writing
Yesterday I had to do something very difficult for me. I had to pull my name out of the running for a fellowship being put on by one of the best creative nonfiction magazines in the country. If I had been accepted to the fellowship, it probably would have set the foundation for a writing career (which I want very badly).
The fellowship would have required me to either move to Pittsburgh for five to six weeks or to travel to Pittsburgh every week for five to six weeks. My husband and I went through every possibility β him and I making a roundtrip flight there once a week, or me renting an apartment and him coming as frequently as possible. No matter how we planned it out, in the end, I had to admit that I would be unable to handle it. There are no direct flights from here to Pittsburgh so the travel each way would have been over nine hours. Making two nine hour flights once a week for six weeks may very well have caused me to have an episode from anxiety, lack of sleep, disrupted routine (for a prolonged period of time) and pushing myself too hard.
No matter how much I wanted that fellowship, both my husband and I know that there is nothing that is worth doing where the end result is psychosis. I have to accept that some dreams that I have will never come true.
What does it mean to tell your heart that something you dream about is impossible? So many people preach at us daily to find our passion, to give up everything for it. Those same people tell us that if you work hard enough you will eventually succeed. Those platitudes and motivational speeches are not true in many circumstances. If I took every motivational speaker to heart, it would be so easy to end up feeling like a failure.
The reality is that for most of us, not all of our dreams are going to come true. But rather than mourn the loss of those dreams and possibly end up feeling bitter, we can create new dreams. We can set new goals, have new plans and eventually come up with dreams that are within our reach.
I donβt want to dissuade anyone from reaching for the stars. Many people have reached them, but for me personally, and for many others, there are plenty of splendid things that can be achieved on a sandy beach or on a mountain trail. I can reach down and pick up a seashell and that can be every bit as rewarding and fulfilling as capturing a star. One person looks up while the other looks down – treasure abounds. We simply need to change our perspective.
Reading this I found myself nodding in sad agreement. And then something drew me back to this sentence: “I have to accept that some dreams that I have will never come true.”
And I wondered … How long have you had this dream? And how many times has this dream come close to coming true? And – just maybe – this IS a dream worth holding on to. And just maybe – having looked reality in the eye – there will be another “coming true” moment. Maybe π
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Your comment is very inspirational and uplifting. Thank you!!! π
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I like this, Paul. And as I ready the post, my mind went to something Jesus said, βWith man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.β
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I like this, too! π
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There are multiple paths to the top of the mountain. Keep your goals and look for other paths accepting the boundaries of your disability. “Seek and ye shall find.”
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Reblogged this on perfectlyfadeddelusions and commented:
I know exactly what you mean, I would love a job being a researcher in one of London’s big museums. But, I could not cope with the travelling, even if I had someone come with me each way.
I think you are very brave making that decision, and thank you for sharing.
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You had such a positive attitude despite the fact that you were not able to fulfil your dreams due to medical condition. It is hard to let go of the dream that we always wanted but it is not the end as there are better opportunities out there that will be well-suited for you my friend. π
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Thank you!!! π
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Your most welcome π
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… and let God delight us in ways we wouldn’t have imagined. Love that last paragraph.
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Yes!
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First of all, it takes great strength and awareness to step back and know your limitations. Second, by responding to this higher knowledge of yourself you are only leading yourself to GREATER success. You are not focusing on the things that will cause you to fall so that you can be ready to fully participate in the opportunities that will take you were you want to be. I see this as a win win all around. Soon the right opportunity will come and it will be wonderful beyond your wildest dreams because you are focused on your goal and working on it in a realistic manner. I have no doubt that if you keep on your path your dreams will come true.
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Very inspirational! Thank you for your kind words, support and encouragement!!! π
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Beautifully written. I know firsthand the fears and concerns you expressed. There are many places I want to go, things I want to see, but they will never materialize. It is never about giving up, but about accepting my limitations. Psychosis is heinous, insidious and can rob oneself of great dreams, but you are so right, we can take our illness and we can work around it. There are dreams we discover that we never realized we would want, or that would fall at our feet.
Trust me, sweet angel, the best is yet to come!βοΈβ€οΈ
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Oh! I love this!
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