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espisodes, jesus, kundalini, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, psychosis, psychotic, religious experiences, schizophrenia, television, Treatment, voices, western medicine, writer, writing, yoga
I finished watching the series, River, on Netflix. After I had watched two episodes I wrote about it on Psych Central.
Now that I have finished the series, I feel like, “Yeah, I wish that my experience was like his. I wish that I could treat the voices I hear when I am psychotic by talking to people, or learning how to handle the voices, or learning what they represent in my life: pain, loss, regret, self-loathing, etc.”
On social media (mostly Twitter) people often send me “natural” ways to heal schizophrenia, or they send me articles where the author states that a psychotic episode is similar to a Kundalini awakening. (Here is a short article on it, but usually people send much lengthier ones).
Not only would I love to treat my voices by talking back to them or discovering their meaning in my life, I would also love to be enlightened. No one wants these things more than me, but the truth is, the voices I hear often turn threatening (not toward others, but toward me) and I am afraid to try these techniques because what if I lose a battle with the voices and end up dead? Was going against “the medical establishment” that people often write to me about claiming it is killing me and a big scam, really worth it if I am no longer living? No. The answer is, no.
I can’t tell other people how to treat their mental illness. I can’t say what does, and what doesn’t work for others. I can’t say that a “Kundalini awakening” is a mental illness (maybe it is, and maybe it isn’t).
What I can say is that I have had some amazing insights into religion and life while I was psychotic (much of what happens when I am psychotic is simply nonsense or terrifying), and those insights have stayed with me. I say that to prove that I don’t have all the answers to mental illness. The fact that so many people believe they are Jesus when they are psychotic means something. I am not willing to speculate on what that means, because I don’t know. I don’t know why most of my episodes are highly religious in nature, and others describe this too. I’m not sure why that is. You’ll have to consider it for yourself.
I do know that I wish people trusted me to find my own path with my schizophrenia. I believe that I need to take medications in order to live the best life I can. I can respect that some people don’t believe that. Okay, then… you go your way, and I’ll go mine. I’m taking my chances on the treatment that has saved my life more than once.
Believe me, I would love to try something else and be successful, but I’m not willing to risk my life and relationships for it. Some people believe the medical profession is trying to kill me, but I know I would be dead without it.
“I do know that I wish people trusted me to find my own path…”
Here’s the thing that always amazes me: Here you are, a very intelligent woman who spends a lot of time on the internet reading and researching. You live with the disease so of course you are motivated to know as much as you can about it, keep up with the latest, etc. And yet people send you articles as if you were clueless. It happens with all kinds of things – cancer, pregnancy, foot injuries, etc. I assume people are well-meaning, but I wish they would understand that they are also very insulting.
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I think people mean well, but don’t really know how that kind of thing feels when you are on the receiving end of it.
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Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this.
I am so over well-meaning people pushing spiritual/metaphysical/new age “help” on us (most recently a family member pushing aroma therapy to replace medication). It’s
fine if people choose to supplement medical treatment down the road, but it doesn’t help when trying to stabilize a severe mental illness and it makes us (caregiver and loved one) feel responsible for the illness.
In terms of religious insight, I personally feel people gain spiritual/religious insight with any severe illness or traumatic event…it is part of the process of moving through tremendous suffering…again…my opinion. I’m so glad you addressed this. My daughter would not have survived this illness without medications…the mental anguish would have been too much for her to handle. Again…thank you!
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It is so difficult. I don’t even really know what to say about it.
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I respect that some people can be medication free but I’ve learned it’s not for me. It was way scarier in my head when I didn’t have my meds
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I agree with you 100% !!! 🙂
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I really feel for your suffering and if must feel so stressful having people assume they know the answers like this so I feel for you over that too. I believe we all have to make our own decisions. I don’t think unasked for advice is fair. It would be different if you had asked for ideas. Is it possible that these people think you’re asking for their ideas or opinions in an indirect way? Sometimes when we describe our pains and sufferings to others, occasionally some people think we’re doing that to ask them for solutions.
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It is possible that most people think they are helping. I’m sure that is the case.
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Yes they probably do, I have had this sort of thing from people over other things to schizophrenia and I’m sure they wanted to help very much indeed.
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🙂
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I really appreciated reading your perspective on this.
I worked with shamanism for about four years after experiencing PTSD symptoms post-rape, and it helped me tremendously. I don’t know if this is for everyone, though, and I think it’s important to not be “preachy” for or against any particular method. I share on my blog what worked for me, but I know that not everyone wants to go that route.
I think this helped me to remain mindful of not giving people unsolicited advice, so thank you for that.
I really liked your words about wishing people would trust you to find your own way. I feel the same way toward people who push any particular religion (I have a born-again sister who pushes that A LOT and I have very little contact with her because of that). I think the “new age”y set could use this reminder a little bit, as well.
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Thank you for sharing your experience! Yes, it is a good reminder to all of us that what works for us may not work for everyone. I really appreciate your input!!
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That is so sad that some people are trying to tell you how to treat your mental illness. I am with you. Listen to the doctor, not to them.
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Thanks! I always do! 🙂
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