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bipolar, identify, labels, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, myths, racism, schizophrenia], schizophrenic, stereotypes, words, write, writing
Internalized racism is the closest term I can find for what I think happens to many people who are mentally ill. Most of us living with schizophrenia haven’t had the diagnosis all of our lives. I was twenty-eight before my first diagnosis. At twenty-eight, I already had an opinion on mentally ill people. At that age, I didn’t know anyone who was mentally ill (or at least openly mentally ill). I was frightened of people who showed symptoms of being psychotic –talking to voices, yelling, etc. Like many people, that was my idea of “crazy.” Of course, when I received my diagnosis, all the images in movies, music videos and all the characters in books, etc. that were a depiction of the mentally ill became internalized. I thought of myself as all the stereotypes, all the myths, etc.
I was ashamed of my diagnosis (which at first was bipolar). In fact, I kept looking up all the famous people who were diagnosed with bipolar disorder to find hope, to put myself among geniuses, to build my fragile self-esteem. Later, when I received the diagnosis of schizophrenia I was, even more, ashamed because like everyone else I had heard and believed that it was the “most severe of the mental illnesses – the worst of the worst – a lost cause.”
I prefer to be called a person with schizophrenia. I prefer that all people recognize the fact that I am a person before identifying me as a person with schizophrenia. I prefer this in the exact way that people with other diseases identify – someone with cancer, a person with diabetes, etc. There is a kind of movement among people who have schizophrenia to call themselves, schizophrenics. That word hurts my heart and burns my ears. I am not a schizophrenic. I fight every day to be defined by things besides my illness. I am a woman. I am a wife, daughter, sister, friend, writer, etc. There are so many facets to my life, and I would hope that the very last way that people choose to identify me or know me as is a person with schizophrenia. It is an illness. I don’t want to be identified with that part of me that is the part I would get rid of, or cure if only I could.
But I don’t get to dictate the experience of others who have schizophrenia. I don’t even want to. I don’t want to silence the voices or the opinions of people who have the same illness as I do. In fact, I encourage people who want to write about, create, or produce something with a character that has a mental illness to include people with that mental illness in the process. We should be consulted about artwork, books, movies, etc. that depict us. We should have our say in how our experiences and illness is portrayed to the public. In essence, we should be allowed to write our narrative.
So, with people who want to be called, schizophrenic, I am uncertain if it is pride they feel in their diagnosis – a way to identify that they are not ashamed of (in which case, that is great for them, but doesn’t work for me), or if they have internalized the messages that come daily from the media and from artists of all kinds suggesting that we are our illness. I don’t know the answer to this, and I assume there are some who have internalized negative messages, and others who are proud.
I do know that although I prefer one way over the other, my way is neither right nor wrong. People get to ask to be addressed or call themselves whatever they want. But I do hope that people who want to be called, schizophrenic don’t see themselves as their illness before they see the complexity of all the other things they are, but if they do, it isn’t my place to tell them to do things differently. I only hope it doesn’t create an atmosphere for me that I find insulting and limiting. I am so much more than a diagnosis, and I work hard for the world to see it and know it. I hope calling people, schizophrenic doesn’t become the norm – it doesn’t work at all for me.
So well said. I’ve always been concerned that that term schizophrenic gives others an opportunity to label (and rush to judgment or readily dismiss) and gives someone living with schizophrenia an opportunity to identify too strongly with their illness. We don’t use the term schizophrenic in our lives. If others choose to do so, that is their prerogative, but we feel it is a word that is far to limiting. Great post!
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Thank you, and I totally agree!!! 🙂
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I have relatives and friends with schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder, and I never think of them as schizophrenics. To me they’re first and foremost people. To identify someone by their illness seems to me bizarre and limiting, like they’re nothing but they’re illness? I agree with your blog post.
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Thank you, and that is how I see it, too! 🙂
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Cool blog. Just found you today.
I do not share your diagnosis. Guess that makes me “normal” but that would be a label I would rather resist.
Two briefs about myself:
1) I had very little experience with mental illness throughout my life. You described yourself with very little experience until you were diagnosed at 28. I could say my life mirrored that statement until I was 43. But not that I was diagnosed, rather I took a job in a psych unit. Crash course in mental illness… let me tell you.
2) I was briefly diagnosed Manic Depressive (Bipolar). This was when I was 22 or 23. I was mortified by the diagnosis at first, but after a couple of days, I embraced it stigma and all. However, after a couple of months on Lithium, I got a second opinion, this time by a real Psych doc, and a new diagnosis – low grade chronic depression.
So, my personal experience was shortlived. But my experience in the psych unit gives me a lot to consider.
Personally, I embrace stigma and shame. Partly it is a personality thing, and partly it is a way of expressing my faith. But I very much seek to bear the burden of the shame and stigma – to the extent that I can. It is costly, but since I do not actually have the diagnosis, it helps to blur the line between “Us and Them” as it were….
That said, I found plenty of people in the psych hospital to be very bright and engaging people. Everyone was different in significant ways, yet everyone was alike in other significant ways. Some brighter than others. Some smarter than others. Some more engaging than others. Some more alone in their thoughts than others etc… But nearly all of them seemed to appreciate receiving respect and care.
Inside the bubble of that unit, the stigma could be skewered. We could just be people… not schizophrenics or crazy – and yet those things were okay too – at least socially. (Still tried to treat the symptoms and manage uncontrolled behaviors.) But no one was better or worse, no one valued more or less. Everyone LOVED pretty much the same.
I developed 3 categories in my mind for mental illnesses – and yes they overlap sometimes in some people.
I found some to suffer schizophrenia (or related illness) which manifested in voices, visual and sometimes tactile or smell hallucinations too. Frequently delusions etc. Sometimes self destructive, but not overly. These folks suffered a misty cloud.
Then there was the depression. These folks seemed to SEE things all TOO clearly. Life sucks sometimes and for them it totally sucked all the time. These people were very self destructive and addicted. The dark cloud characterized these folks.
The third category for my way of thinking was the personality disorders. These folks were extremely manipulative. Never can shoot straight with you, it seems. They might hurt themselves too, but probably to get a rise out of others (not saying they couldn’t do real damage, they could). Their cloud was more smoke-n-mirrors.
Lots of cross over between the categories to be sure. Not cut and dry at all, nor scientific. But my own way of viewing the illnesses I encountered. The third group were the hardest to relate to for me (and I think for staff in general). This does not mean they were not really sick. So hard to know just where/how and how much to hold them to account for their behavior because of the nature of their illness… and very hard to establish trust.
But we did establish trust more often than not. And I know I always tried to celebrate these folks for their contribution(s) to humanity. Limitations in one area of life meant that compensations in other areas could really shine powerfully – if and when given the chance. And that is always thrilling.
Just think of all the world’s great artists who committed suicide in despair! And yet made our world more beautiful despite their burden. Not a fair trade, no. But I cant control that. Meanwhile, we cannot deny the power of Vincent Van Gogh, for instance. His work MOVES me… and not just me, but THE WORLD!
If I can take the shame and stigma off of my friends in the psych unit and bear it for them so that they can be free to make their contributions, I will. If I can find a way to celebrate their humanity despite the burden of their illness, it is worth every effort. If I can show respect and earn a bit of trust – it is worth it and well deserved.
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Thanks for sharing your experiences. Of course my own experience is mostly with schizophrenia and depression. I learn a lot about other mental illnesses from reading the blogs of people who have them – all good, articulate, intelligent people (in my opinion). Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment.
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You are absolutely right. People need to be identified as persons before stating what they have; any illness or disease..
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I agree!!!
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So well said! Growing up I always was told about my dad who “was a schizophrenic”- it’s like that was the only label for him from the other family in my life. To this day I hate words that are used to identify people- whether they’re disabilities, life style choices, etc. I love love love this piece, thank you for writing it!
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Thank you!!! 🙂
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Your post rings so true with me. I see myself as an amateur photographer, greeting card maker, potter, creative writer, budding artist, scarf-knitter, Peer Support worker (my job) and someone who is involved with Girl Guides/Scouts and my local Rock & Mineral Club. I am also part of a team that puts on a little church service and meal once a month for those with special needs. I have all these things going for me, that it almost seems insignificant to mention I have experience with Depression.
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You do so many things! I agree, there is so much more to us than our diagnosis. Thank you for sharing and a Happy New Year to you!!!
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Hi I came here from MostlyBlogging, my blog http://www.danetigress.wordpress.com is about travel and beauty. very interesting post Happy New YEar !
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Thank you for stopping by. I am reading about handbags on your site right now. 🙂
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Thanks that’s great !
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🙂
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When the only manner one talks about symptoms is by way of that baseline rhythm, it’s a Pyrrhic victory. Make shit up. Talk about therapy as getting into a gym and your problems as good looking or fat people ugly and stressing. Go to work or have coffe with support groups, maybe talking about a hospitalization as a quiet vacation with great drugs. The possibilities are limitless to your imagination for those of you reading this.
Why? Because new and is lost, the meaning untranslatable if you let clinicians dictate the dialog. If you’ve met them, they’re boring stiffs paid to keep things in a a small box so their forms are reimbursable by insurance companies, whom are even bigger stiffs.
Invent, explore, trade, feel… Your stories. America was built on this and is the only thing that will save u.s. Be well, feed yourself good things, schizophrenia can be coped with… Everyday I feel and look an inch better in this fight of mere feet, yards, and miles.
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Thanks for sharing. Have a good day.
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I have been diagnosed with schozipheria spetrucm.Sorry for the bad spelling.Just not sure what the difference is.Can someone tell me,thanks.
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This is something I struggle with greatly. Coming to terms with the fact that I have a disease doesn’t mean that is all I am. But it is so hard when schizophrenia affects every facet of my life, you know?
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Yes, I do know. It isn’t all you are though – you are so much more.
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