Tags
bipolar, dating, depression, honesty, mental illness, mentally ill, online dating, relationships, romance, schizophrenia]
I haven’t been a part of the dating scene for almost twenty years. I thought it would be fun to write a dating profile, though. I wanted to write something that opened the way for talking about having a mental illness without saying it before I met the (imaginary) person.
If creativity is important to you, then we should meet. I love museums, galleries, poetry readings and live music (as long as I can hear someone talk while it is playing). I put a higher value on reality than fantasy, but that doesn’t mean I am unfamiliar with fantasy. I can make unique connections about the world that others may or may not be able to follow. I am eccentric and have idiosyncrasies (we can talk about those later). I like funky bohemian style clothes. I don’t care about what is trending or popular. I make my path in this world, and people can join in and walk along or they can exit and choose to go a different way (hopefully without hard feelings or broken hearts). I care more about your insides than your outsides, and I want to meet someone who not only says that but proves it. I don’t always wear make-up. I have never had breast implants. I don’t paint my toenails or fingernails. An open mind, compassion and a willingness to see things differently are essential. If this sounds like you, let’s meet for coffee. Did I say I love coffee?
Do you think this opens the door to eventually talking about mental illness?
According to your dating profile, we’re TWINS!! Except for the makeup part. I look like a man without it…:-)
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HA HA HA! YAY for twins!
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No, I don’t think it does. Men scan these profiles and they would never think let’s talk about mental illness.
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I don’t know because I have never been involved with an online dating site. I will have to take your word for it! 🙂
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Yep, it sucks. You’re lucky you missed it.
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Yep, it sucks. You’re lucky you missed it. LOL.
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LOL!
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Any man who has or has loved someone with a mental illness would surely be open to talking about it. Some men are also just open-minded and loving. There are good people out there. 🙂
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I agree! There are many good people out there – I meet them here all the time 🙂
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I totally agree. I just don’t think the profile leads to an open conversation about mental illness. I absolutely think any one should be able to talk about it. We can only learn once we talk about it.
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Your are right, it isn’t direct. It only hints at the issue. I agree, talking about it is important, but knowing when to talk about it is tricky.
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Hi
I saw this and thought of you, not sure if you would be interested
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/gadgets-and-tech/news/scientists-find-biological-cause-for-schizophrenia-in-study-that-could-open-way-to-curing-disorder-a6838716.html
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Thank you! I saw it yesterday and it is very exciting!
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🙂 Brill
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I think it could lead to a discussion about mental health issues. No matter what issues we have they can always be a barrier to a relationship until the right person comes along
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I agree, there are always issues between two people – people all bring baggage.
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It makes me want to date you:)
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HA HA HA! That is a good sign!
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It’s a re-freshing profile to read but I don’t think men would default to thing anything that you have written down which hint at mental health issues. I would date you 😀
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It seems like I would get some phone calls! That is a good start! HA HA!
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To an intuitive man, yes. Most people aren’t too intuitive. But it could be a good conversation starter into it.
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It gives clues but you are right, it is not direct.
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I don’t think your profile will lead to a discussion on mental illnesses. I think you would have to specifically say you’re interested in mental health to draw out a discussion.
Personally I don’t think any of my traits will lead someone to believe I have a mental illness. I would have to list my not so apparent symptom that I hear voices.
I’m actually currently doing online dating. In general, I’m not open about my illness, however. So on my profile I don’t mention anything about my interest in mental health or my diagnosis.
I did reveal to someone I was dating my diagnosis. In my opinion, I told him too soon. We dated for awhile after that, but I felt like he didn’t take me that seriously. I wonder if he didn’t know would our relationship developed differently or maybe it didn’t matter.
Learning how to tell someone you have a mental illness, especially something like schizophrenia, takes a lot of thought and consideration. There’s stigma and fear tied to that label that I think can be an impediment. Personally it’s a another level of complication to an already messy frontier of dating. Hopefully, I’ll have more luck in the future! I’m still dating.
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You are so right! This is exactly why I tried this experiment. Telling someone about schizophrenia is very touchy. I wondered what it would look like in writing to hint about it before even meeting someone. I haven’t been in the dating world for almost two decades, so I honestly don’t know what I would do about telling someone I have schizophrenia. Pretty much my life is an open book. I have a feeling it might scare a lot of people away. I hope you meet someone that doesn’t judge you or believe stereotypes. It must be kind of scary to have to figure out when to tell and when not to tell.
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This is a type of profile I would respond to, but I doubt it would lead to a conversation about it unless you, or the imaginary person behind the profile, started a conversation about it. I’ve been part of the online dating scene for about 4 years and the only time I had a conversation about mental illness was on a second date with someone!
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Well, it is good to know that someone would at least want to meet me! YAY for that!!! It was only an experiment because some people say you should tell about your illness right away and others say not to tell. I was just trying to see what writing an online dating profile would look like if you wanted to give hints about having a mental illness.
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On my profile I say I’m “a little eccentric” as well as “quite dark”. Both of those things are true, and if I meet someone, they’re apparent quite quickly. Online dating or not, I think bringing up the topic of mental illness is very difficult, but a kind and understanding person will be open to it.
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I think opening up the topic of mental illness is tricky. Do you do it early, or wait a while? It is all such scary territory – no one wants to be rejected and the risk is there.
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Well, I don’t think My husband would let me date you, lol, but you sound like just the right kind of person to be a friend!
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HA HA HA!
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I’m glad you like that ! 🙂
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I love it!
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If I had a mental illness and I read, “but that doesn’t mean I am unfamiliar with fantasy. I can make unique connections about the world that others may or may not be able to follow. I am eccentric and have idiosyncrasies,” I might (would probably) wonder whether you had a mental illness, too. And I might ask, which would lead to a discussion. But those reading who have no experience with mental illness would probably not pick up on it.
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Those are the exact hints I was giving. It is only an experiment. I have been in debates with mentally ill people and some say you should tell about your condition right away and others say there is no need to. I was trying to see what “telling right away” would look like on a dating site. I don’t really know what works and what doesn’t work for people in the dating world because I have been away from it for so long.
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Good experiment and I think it’s a good idea to include hints in a profile. If the person reading it doesn’t pick up on them and you are ready to share, you can break the ice by saying something like, “Remember when I said in my profile that “I can make unique connections about the world…”
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That’s what I thought. But it is easy for me to say since I’m not actually dating 🙂
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Great profile! I think it does open the door to talk about mental illness.
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Thanks, I thought so too, but some other bloggers don’t think so. I guess some people might get it, and others wouldn’t.
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What came to my mind first is that you would probably scare the prospective suitor away if you started talking about mental illness too soon, but, it certainly would leave room for it to become a topic of discussion.
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Yes, timing is everything. Knowing when and who to tell – it’s difficult to know.
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Yes, it really would be. For me, I would have to get to a certain trust level with the man.
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I think that is probably the best route to take. Dating is such a difficult thing anyway, adding mental illness into the mix seems so complicated (and a little scary – fear of being rejected or judged).
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Yes, exactly. And more often than not, that person with the mental illness will be judged harshly, unless the suitor also has a mental illness.
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That is unfortunate.
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Yes, it really is, but in time, I think you will change that.
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Interestingly, my sister joined a pen friend club, and while I know that’s not the same as as dating club, she just saw a request in it for penfriends from a man who says he has schizophrenia, and she’s decided to write to him. He lives in Ireland.
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I see many excellent writers on the Internet with schizophrenia. She may be in for a delightful surprise. Also, I think that is cool of her to take a chance.
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Ugh online dating. I HATED IT!! Men are pretentious assholes!
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That sounds like an awful experience!!
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I’m so glad it’s over! And Match.com is a hoax!! I paid hella money and not ONE guy ever responded to my messages. So no dates!!! All my dates came from the free sites! Like why pay?!?! I was soooo mad!
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I hate wasting money!!!
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Well in my area, Match is a waste of cash!!!!
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