Tags
Art, artwork, change, conversation, film, hope, inspiration, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, museum, schizophrenia], speech, voices, words, writer, writing
My husband and I went to several museums this past Monday. There was an exhibit (two videos) that an artist created to play with physical space and psychological space (I will write more about it on my Psych Central blog).
I tried to watch the video but after a couple of minutes my legs started to bounce up and down (a sign of increasing anxiety) and I started to wring my hands. After a few minutes of ever intense anxiety, I left the film.
I walked back out into the museum, and the docent was there. He looked at me questioningly. I said, “I couldn’t take that film. It made me so anxious.” Then I decided to do something I rarely do. In fact, I think I have only done it one other time. I said, “That kind of artwork is too much for me. I have schizophrenia.”
The docent didn’t flinch. He didn’t back away. He started talking about the film and said, “Did you watch the second film in the other room?”
“No,” I said.
I was distracted while he was talking to me because I kept thinking, “I can’t believe I just told him in casual conversation that I have schizophrenia, and he didn’t react at all. It was as if it was the most natural thing to say. No surprise. No confusion. No shock.”
The docent was telling me I should, at least, go back and see a little of the second film. I told him I would try. I went back down the hallway and sat in the second room of the art installation.
Both films dealt with voices. I know something about voices. I know about the type of voices that overtake my head, and I know about the type that helps me represent and express myself.
In the eleven months since I came out publicly with my diagnosis, I have found my voice in writing and speech. And each time it is heard or read with respect and dignity, I gain more strength, more power, more words, and more confidence to continue using it.
If all goes well, you’ll hear me at parties, business meetings, luncheons, and dinners talking about schizophrenia as if it were any other illness, and isn’t that the way it should be? I’m moving forward – one step, two steps, three steps. Soon I will be running, but we’ll hold hands so we can keep the pace of the change together. Let’s not leave anyone behind.
Please remember although I’m all the way over in England, I’m 100 per cent and more with you in spirit.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you! I feel it!!! 🙂 ❤
LikeLiked by 2 people
Beautiful. Almost everyone you meet will walk away realizing there is not so much they can learn about a person by learning this one thing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think you are right!!! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dearest sister on the yellow-brick road journey. This post brought me to tears. I’m not quite sure why just yet, with the exception that I am so PROUD of you. It really touches my heart to see other schizophrenia sisters leaping in their process of recovery…learning not to be ashamed…
That of course was one and probably still is one of the hardest things for me in my unique and rare journey.
Much love,
LaVancia
LikeLiked by 1 person
LaVancia, we can do it! I know we can do it!
LikeLike
I think it is fantastic that you can talk about your disease so easily and confidently in casual conversation. It is these type of encounters that will help people feel comfortable with schitzophrenia.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That is what I am hoping for!!! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
And thats the way it should be!
http://www.joclutton.simplesite.com
Facebook Jo Bennett
LikeLiked by 1 person
This post is great,i love it.All the more power to us to bust the stigma around our mental illness.Schizophernia is still so misunderstood.i ordered some shirts on this website to get my message out there.I’m not really ashamed of my diagnosis anymore.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, it is very misunderstood. I’m not ashamed either but I do catch myself not wanting to share it with everyone – some people I just don’t trust with that information.
LikeLike
Oh I know.People still think it’s a split personality which is not the case.Can’t wait to see how folks around here will react when I wear one of those shirts.I will let you know.As I said,i’m in VA,in a town called Lynchburg.And if you would like me to send you some of my artwork,let me know!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know many people think it is multiple personalities.
LikeLike
I just had a conversation with someone about my schizophrenia.She was really listening to what I had say,without flinching or judging me.She was very interested in my take on what it’s like to have it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That is a nice!
LikeLike