Tags
bipolar, courage, employment, hope, job, mental health, mental illness, new beginnings, schizophrenia], strength
I am going back to work. I wanted to have writing and working from home be my new career, and I have taken many writing classes and applied to many home-based jobs, but it just hasn’t panned out for me. I don’t feel productive enough working from home, and getting paid writing gigs is competitive and requires a fire and hustle that I simply don’t have.
For the past year, along with writing, I have been applying for part time jobs that I thought I would enjoy and that I had a high chance of being successful doing. I finally found one. I am scheduled for my new employee orientation next Wednesday.
I am excited to go back to work. I will be working twenty hours a week at a fast paced job that is physical. I’m happy that it is physical because it is less likely for anxiety to grab ahold of me when I am zipping around trying to complete tasks.
There are many reasons I am happy to have landed a part-time job with a well-known company, and one of the most important reasons is advocacy. I feel like I am strong enough to work part time and I think that strength and accomplishment are important for others to see. I have worked outside of the home almost all of my adult life (with the exception of the last five years), and I think it will prove to people that stereotypes about schizophrenia are simply not accurate.
I want to succeed at my new job not just for me, but for everyone with a severe mental illness. I don’t want my success to be exceptional, though; I want everyone to know that many people with schizophrenia can write, attend school, and work (some can even work full time although I am sure I can no longer handle the stress or pressure of a 30-45 hour work week).
I have been dealing with personality tests, drug tests, background checks, and other details of this new job over the past two weeks and I have noticed that as the likelihood that I would get the job increased, I became more and more self-confident. Earlier this week, I took a bus by myself to a resort and outlet mall thirty or more miles from my home. I went and spent several hours having fun. It took me two buses to return home, and I did all of that without incident. I was so proud of myself and felt a sense of freedom and accomplishment.
When I was younger, I was so much more independent, fearless, and adventurous. I have lost a great deal of my confidence and strength over the past five years, and I feel like working will help me gain some of that back. Although I have written dozens and dozens of published essays over the past few years, I don’t feel as if I have been contributing or productive on a level that I desire. With a part-time job, I will feel certain that every week I have been productive and contributed to a team environment accomplishing many tasks each shift.
My biggest challenge with returning to work is going to be managing my symptoms, and I feel hopeful that I have the skills and resources to make it through a 4-5 hour shift four days a week. I feel ready to take on the challenge.
As I get ready to start punching a time clock, it is important for me to remember that I am not giving up my dream of writing essays and having those essays published. I am still going to have a couple of free days (down days) every week, and if I can get organized and use my time wisely, I will still be able to produce as much writing as I have been over these past few years.
I am embarking on a new journey, and I intend to keep you all posted about the rough waters, easy sailing, and the direction of the wind. I have the courage to get out there and try again. This trying is an example of the tremendous resiliency of many of us with a mental illness; we do more than put one foot in front of the other, we make huge leaps and hope that we will land in a better spot than the one we left behind.
Wonderful News!
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Thank you! I am a little nervous but excited too!
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Beautiful! I hope it is all that you want it to be. I agree with you on setting an example – that you getting out there beyond your comfort zone and taking the necessary steps to take care of yourself is a huge leap and one that I hope continues to bring you added confidence. But…on a selfish note – does that mean you will NOT be coming to Los Angeles soon? Darn, I guess I was really looking forward to meeting you but that will have to wait. Or maybe not? Please keep me posted – and I know that I am behind you all the way. You go girl! (or is that passe now?). LOL. Anna in Los Angeles
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We will be in Los Angeles many times in the coming months. We will meet for coffee!
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This is such big news! Congratulations! The company you will be working for is so lucky to have you. I know you will be successful.
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Thanks, Jill! xo
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Hey congratulations, that’s amazing! Good luck on the new job! Reentering the work force can be super scary, especially when you’re still dealing with active symptoms. Best wishes and hopes of health and stability!
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Thank you!
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Well done best of luck with it
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Thank you!
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Hi, I just stumbled upon your blog and I am so glad I did! I can relate to so much of what you’re writing about. I was diagnosed eleven years ago, and everything since then has been a fight to recover, and over turn the negative symptoms. I feel like I have come so far; I am now trying to turn my experiences into a self help book! I hope to be able to use my experiences to help others. Thanks so much for sharing- I plan to check out more of your blog soon 🙂
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Thank you for stopping by and for reading my posts!!!!
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That’s all good, your blog is really inspiring! I know what you mean about contributing or being productive on a level you desire. I was fairly high achieving before I became unwell. and am only now, after ten years, doing something which I feel is close to my heart, and on a level with what i really want to be doing in life! Can I ask you- where have you been published? I really like the idea of trying to write a few articles or essays on mental illness, just wouldn’t know where to begin to find places where they could be published..
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A good place to start publishing is The Mighty.
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Thank you- I will check it out 🙂
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Hey congrats on your new job out there!! Wishing you all the best! I am on the East Coast in VA.
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Thank you, but it didn’t work out 😦
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I’m sorry to hear that.That’s why I don’t work,can’t handle it.
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