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I’m slightly heartbroken. I haven’t written about this until now because I was trying to lay low about it, but I applied for a job and found out yesterday I didn’t get it. Initially, I applied for the job online. The company had me take a test. I found the test to be one of the more difficult I have taken for employment. I must have done well on the test because the company scheduled an interview. I interviewed and thought I did well. The company then set me up for a computer conference interview with two other employees. I thought that interview also went well. Part of the interview was another test. I didn’t do great on the test, but I didn’t bomb it either. In the years since I graduated from college, if I made it to the interview I almost always got the job.

I can’t help it, but I keep thinking there is a possibility that the company Googled my name and came up with dozens of articles about schizophrenia. This is the second time since I decided to disclose my diagnosis publicly that I have been turned down for jobs I was highly qualified for and after I went through lengthy highering practices.

I have tried working a few times in the last few years, and it hasn’t worked out, but this was a job I knew I could do. It was a work from home customer service job. I have years of experience working with the public in difficult situations.

It is possible that they found candidates that they thought fit the position better than I did, but the possibility that they discovered my diagnosis of schizophrenia and chose not to take a chance on me because of stereotypes and misconceptions, will never entirely leave my mind.

I wish I could find a part-time writing job because artists and editors tend to be less judgemental about mental illness than the general public. Also, I could work from home, be creative, and not worry about the symptoms that crop up on a daily basis.

I’m happy that the writing world works differently than the rest of the world – you pitch to an editor if they like your story they either tell you to write it on spec, or they buy it outright. I’m having a tough time selling enough articles to make a substantial paycheck, but I’m going to work harder at it now.  I feel like I am personally fighting stigma, disability, misconceptions, etc. and that has put a determination in me to succeed and say, “See, I told you, I am worthy. See, I told you I am worth it.”

I want to be one of the ones who can make a livable paycheck and have their dreams come true at the same time. Stay tuned – let’s make this happen.

Look for much more writing to come.