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diverticulitis, doctor, health, medical, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, sacrifice, schizophrenia], wellness
Those of us with a medical condition, know a thing or two about sacrifice.
Earlier in the year, I went to the ER twice and was diagnosed with diverticulitis. Diverticulitis is very painful, and although all the doctors I spoke with said that the old information about not eating seeds, or nuts no longer held up to current research, the same doctors told me that their patients who have diverticulitis all swear that what they eat matters. I decided to go with the findings of the people who suffer from the disease. So, over the past year, I have gone from someone who could eat anything and everything without thinking about it to someone who has to read the menu of every restaurant that I go to in advance to see if there is anything I can eat. My husband and I have always enjoyed eating out, but now, I would much prefer to stay home and eat my meals because it is easier than finding something at a restaurant that won’t cause me another infection.
I have had to give up most of the food I ate for comfort and enjoyment. All of my life, I have popped popcorn and ate it while watching television at night. I love popcorn. The same is true of bacon, and Italian sandwiches and many salads. Right now, I don’t eat anything with seeds, nuts, peels, corn, or anything that is difficult to digest.
What does eating have to do with schizophrenia? Well, besides the fact that medications can cause weight gain, and we need to watch how much we eat (even that doesn’t always keep weight gain away), it is the sacrifice, I am thinking about.
With schizophrenia, we give up a lot too. One of the most significant things we give up is the ability to rely on, trust, or count on our brain. When I was a young woman, I never thought my brain could betray me. The betrayal of my brain is something I live with every day now. I never know when anxiety, paranoia, or psychosis will visit me. The people who are lucky enough to have complete confidence in their brain, can’t imagine the fear, and discomfort of realizing their brain is unreliable.
Another thing people with schizophrenia give up is time and freedom. Most of us have to live around our appointments with doctors or therapists (generally both), and our schedule of taking medications. I have to take my medications with food, and my breakfast and dinner plans always revolve around what time I need to take my pills.
There are many other sacrifices that people might experience with schizophrenia, but they are more individual, meaning some of us experience them while others do not. Some of the things people with schizophrenia have to sacrifice are traveling easily, or things like social anxiety (which can cause the loss of friends and needed relationships. This is also true of isolating socially). Many of us have had to give up careers that gave us purpose, freedom, and financial independence. The list goes on.
I’m not asking anyone to feel sorry for me. I am just painting a picture of what most people with schizophrenia have to go through. When people are critical of those people who are non-compliant with medications, or non-compliant with treatment, maybe a little bit of compassion is necessary. It isn’t easy to change the way you live even though those changes are in the person’s best interest. Imagine giving up smoking and how hard that is. Having schizophrenia and making dozens of life changes is like that. I don’t often feel sorry for myself, but I do occasionally stand back and say, “Damn girl, this stuff ain’t easy!” And that acknowledgment of my sacrifices can help put me on a track of thanksgiving or at least acceptance when I can’t get as far as being thankful.
Wow! You put into words very well how I feel every day. Will anxiety rule, or tiredness, or psychosis, or just having little energy to accomplish much. Life is one big suffering and the little pill that I take dutifully every day and night without fail or regret helps me to be better. Thank you for your blog. It really touched and resonated with me!
Pax
Victoria
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Thank you for your comment and the support!
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Great post. Managing serious mental illness can take as much planning and effort as a full-time job.
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I agree!
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Great post as always!! And yes,it’s not easy my friend.But it’s worth it.Schizophernia can be hard to deal with,i do not enjoy being psychotic.I know I must have worried my sister and scared her the last time.Losing touch with reality like that is scary.On another note,i hope you guys are safe from the fires out there!
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We are safe from the fires – thank you. The fires are horrible, horrible, horrible, though and many people have lost their homes.
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So glad to hear you are safe! I know it’s terrible,praying for you out there.It’s snowing here in VA.It’s pretty cool,really.Grin.
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As someone with bipolar disorder which people tend to tie in with schizophrenia, I fully understand what it means to have your brain betray you and be someone completely on it’s own. My prayers are with you
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Thank you! Wishing you well!
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It isn’t easy, I’m sure. You are a warrior. A survivor. You certainly have my respect!
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Thank you! 🙂
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Although I haven’t had schizophrenia, I know how difficult it can be from watching my mom go through it. She resisted treatment which at the time wasn’t as good as today, and her illness severely restricted her life. I commend you for doing such a great job of caring for yourself, physically, mentally, and emotionally. You are a wonderful inspiration. I have struggled with anxiety, depression, and an eating disorder earlier in my life, and I too found that I needed to make my recovery a priority that I still pay attention to today. Great post!
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Thank you for your support and for your comments.
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