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brain disease, brain health, hope, inspiration, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, motivation, pop psychology, psychology, schizophrenia], wellness
I have schizophrenia, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to be successful at climbing the mountains that are there before me. I currently have myself in training for a steep climb, and chances are I will make it, but even if I don’t, I’ll be in better shape in every way than I was before I set out on this path.
Last night, my husband texted me that he was leaving work at 5:30 and that he would be riding his bike home. When I received the text, I pulled out our backpack cooler and started preparing a picnic. I washed some grapes, made a container full of cut cantaloupe, cut up three different kinds of cheese, packed a sleeve of crackers, and put some of the hummus my husband made in a Tupperware and added two bottles of water. When my husband walked in the door, I was ready to go. He changed his clothes, and we walked the mile to the organ pavilion in the park near our house. We sat on the steps and enjoyed the music of a funk band that was playing.
All summer long, the park near our house has free summer concerts three days a week. As we sat there, tears rolled down my face, and I said to my husband, “I finally feel like I am living my best life.”
In the last year, I have committed myself to make my life better in every way possible. I don’t sit by when things are difficult or not going well and take it. Not taking it, includes the symptoms I have from schizophrenia as well as other things that come up in life, marriage, family, etc.
My psychiatrist has told me that he can change my medications, or add additional medicine to try and clear up the remaining symptoms of schizophrenia but in every case like that, a person has to weigh the pros and the cons. One of the hardest things to deal with more medication is, of course, side effects. I feel like managing my side effects from the drugs I am currently on is a full-time job, and I don’t want to add any more requirements, suggestions, restrictions to that. It is hard enough as it is.
So, I do the best I can to overcome symptoms when they arise or to avoid any triggers that will cause them. The symptoms that cause me the most problems are anxiety, lack of motivation, and a need for increased sleep. Most days the need for increased rest doesn’t create too much of a problem because I don’t have a job I need to be at or any place I am expected to be (if I do have an appointment then it can interfere, but that doesn’t happen too frequently).
The anxiety and lack of motivation can disrupt my life though, and I am finding ways to handle those symptoms that are lessening their occurrence and hopefully getting me strong enough to work. (My dream is to make a living freelance writing, but I haven’t been able to overcome my symptoms sufficient to put in the time and effort and hustle that writing full time (or even part-time) takes).
How am I managing my symptoms better than ever? I am practicing all kinds of psychological tips and tricks to help fool my brain. I keep a gratitude list (which helps with overall perspective -things could be far worse), helps lessen anxiety and helps me focus my mind on what is going right instead of what is going wrong. I read a passage or two from the Bible every day, and I write my response to it. Many of the passages I read are hopeful and give me a sense that I am not alone, and that something more significant than me is in control (this is very comforting and helps with anxiety as well).
To trick my brain into overcoming my severe lack of motivation, I write down tasks every day that I want to complete. I rarely have in the three months I have been doing this completed all the tasks on my list, but on average I am finishing two to four of the tasks I want, and that is way better than I used to do.
Before I started trying to improve my life and lessen my symptoms, I had many days where the only thing I did was watch television and scroll through social media. In the past, I went weeks without getting out of the house. Now, I put on my task list every day, take a twenty-five-minute walk, and for the most part, I do it! Of course, the walking helps with the side effects of the medication (high sugar levels, high cholesterol, weight gain, high blood pressure, etc.) as well as elevates mood and makes panic attacks (I think) less likely.
What do I think helped push me to try so hard to create a system that helps me overcome symptoms? Like most people, I didn’t want to throw my life away, and I want to contribute to society in a meaningful way. Watching television and reading social media post left me feeling frightened, anxious, depressed, and many other negative feelings. In other words, the news and social media were hurting my chances of living my best life.
This is really inspiring! Good on you! It motivates me to keep pushing through. I can really relate to the anxiety, lack of motivation, depression and other negative thoughts and feelings. ❤
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Thank you!
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I don’t know when I really started helping myself, but I am doing the very same things right now. I just started trying out a decrease in my meds and since I’ve been practicing all the tips and tricks you’re doing, I am managing the decrease well. Thank you so much for sharing this, because I have always wondered how you do all you do. Didn’t know we were following the same path. 🙂
Smart mind think alike, heh?
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I hope you are still doing well! Thanks for the note!
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Every post you write and I read convinces me more and more we all have something wrong in our definition of “normal” and in our many definitions of “not normal” (or “them” as is thought but never usually spoken aloud).
Your way of living I live in periods of living when I feel like I am losing control of the ordinary stuff. I have not (yet?) been diagnosed with any “not normal” definition – yet once again I read your words and they mirror much of my own “stuff”: the dreams, the aspirations the logistical curbs on those dreams and aspirations – the fluctuating motivation and morale – the responses to those fluctuations – the “tricking my brain” (in my case back into a place of control and success – for a time!) – and then … around it all goes again. 🙂
recovery girl says: “Didn’t know we were following the same path.” I think we all are on the same path – but prefer to think “not normal” is a different path (for those not like “us”).
Another brilliant post – thank you again!
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Thank you so much for your comment and for your support! 🙂
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Hello. Thank you for your blog.
I have a different opinion about the condition.
I believe that it starts with a trauma (life event) which is then denied by others and also by psychiatry , creating a double bind :
– or you deny the environment
– or you come in conflict with the world
It´s also interesting to look at experiments such as the rosenhan`s experiment about the diagnosis of the illness.
There are also social consequences of labeling someone with this.
Thank you again.
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It is okay if we believe different things. Doctors are still learning about schizophrenia.
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My psychiatrist once taught me a phrase — “maintenance remission.” It sounds like you are in that place right now. What a blessing!
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