Tag Archives: artists

The Deep Waters of Mental Illness

30 Saturday Sep 2017

Posted by in mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

Yesterday, my husband and I walked on the beach. As we were enjoying hearing the waves roll in, and having the sand between our toes, we noticed all the surfers. The surfers were preparing to go out, surfers coming in, and surfers dotting the water in their black wetsuits as far as we could see.

In the evening, just in time for the sun to set, we took another walk but this time on the cliffs above the beach. We could see little black dots, dozens of them, bobbing out in the water offshore. From sunrise to sunset – surfers. Their dedication made me think of people and their passions.

Some people devote all their spare time to surfing; others devote all their spare time to playing music, climbing, hiking, swimming, golf or any number of things. I thought about how lucky those people are to have something they love to do so much in their lives – something that occupies their days, nights, thoughts, and that they spend their time and money to do.

I don’t have a passion like that. I like to write, but I frequently avoid doing it. There are times when I will do anything to pass the time besides write. I don’t think I feel about writing the way those surfers feel about catching a wave.

I wonder if a person has something that they are so focused on, and that they enjoy so much if they avoid having an existential crisis where they try to find meaning in their life? What if someone loves surfing so much that the thought that there is something more out there doesn’t cross their mind?

I wonder if people who have a passion for something are happier and more well-adjusted than those that don’t? I don’t think so because there are examples like Van Gogh, who spent most of his time and resources painting and he had a mental illness. Was his illness made better or worse by his passion? I would like to know. Maybe, he would have been unable to function if he hadn’t had his paintings. Maybe, if he hadn’t been driven almost to the point of obsession to paint, he would have been healthier? Who can say?

I do think I would be healthier if I weren’t so wrapped up in my thoughts and in my head – let’s say if I had something physical I loved to do like surfing – something where I didn’t think so much.

I have a mental illness, though, and part of the symptoms of that might very well be, too much time spent on my internal world. It can be a dark and scary world at times, and it would be a relief if I could turn that darkness off.

I think I am going to try to get out more or find something thrilling to spend my time doing. I am fairly certain less time spent in my mind would be a good thing. I would take up surfing, but I’m terrified of sharks – real sharks, not the kind that you experience when you have a mental illness.

New Post on Psych Central

23 Monday May 2016

Posted by in bipolar, caregivers, mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized, writing

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I have a new blog post up on Psych Central. It is about being an imperfect advocate. It mentions Bob Dylan, feminism, and stereotypes.

I hope you will pop over there and read it.

http://goo.gl/Ot4wtb

Are You Hard On Yourself?

06 Saturday Feb 2016

Posted by in Uncategorized, writing

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

My mind plays tricks on me. There are times when I am dozing off to sleep that I will remember a sentence I wrote earlier and the errors in it will stand out like a blue shirt against a white background. “How could I make such a dumb mistake?” I will ask myself.

Because I have already hit the send button to an editor, to a journal or for one of my blogs, I will feel so stupid thinking that the whole world now knows my inadequacies, deficiencies and the gaps in my knowledge of perfect grammar.

During these times, I will get up and check what I have sent. Many times I didn’t make the error I was positive I made. (There are times though when I reread what I sent and am horrified that I didn’t pick up on stupid and simple mistakes).

I am so hard on myself during those times. I feel like I am an imposter who doesn’t deserve the title of writer. I say to myself, “If I can’t get the basics right, how can I consider myself a writer?”

For a while, the punishment I put myself through for making mistakes seems like it will overwhelm me and I will stop writing completely. But in the long run, it is the pressure, the feeling of being an imposter, the desire to call me a writer and feel it, the desire to write something both beautiful and without errors that keep me going to classes and workshops.

I know I am harder on myself than I need to be, but when the initial weight of criticism leaves me, it makes me do more to master the craft. I sign up for another class, I read another book, and I push and push.

I bet many of you are hard on yourselves, too. I find the process of learning new things uncomfortable but my desire to be better than I was a year ago, a month ago, last week, and yesterday keeps me looking for opportunities to learn.

Do you get past the criticism of yourself and look for new avenues to drive down that will lead you to places you thought might be impossible to visit?  If you do, in time we can walk to the door of some cool house and maybe even have the key to getting in.

 

 

Mental Illness Equals Creativity? Not So Fast

16 Saturday Jan 2016

Posted by in bipolar, mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized, writing

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I wrote a new blog post for Psych Central. The title of it is the same as this post. It is about the link between creativity and mental illness and how I believe we shouldn’t romanticize mental illness in any way.  I hope you will check it out.  The link is here. 

We Listen To You? That Needs To Change, Or You Do.

30 Wednesday Dec 2015

Posted by in bipolar, mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I can’t get away from it. It is everywhere. For some reason, I keep thinking I will be safe with artists. Surely artists will understand.

I first read the name, Anne Lamott, on Facebook. Some of her quotes were going around, and I thought they were beautiful. I liked her author’s page on Facebook and started seeing updates from her. I liked what I read. I thought she would be a cool person to have coffee with once a week.

I was on Twitter a day or two after Caitlyn Jenner came out. I follow Anne Lamott on Twitter, and she was using the masculine pronoun to write about Caitlyn. People started to call her out on that. She tweeted back that she would refer to Caitlyn as she as soon as “he lost the pee pee.” (I’m not sure that is the exact quote, but it was very close to that).

If you look up Anne Lamott on Google, you will find her described as a progressive political activist. That is the best we can expect from someone who identifies as progressive and as an activist? Her son popped on Twitter and explained that his mom had some things to learn. Anne apologized. Her initial response was a total rejection of the transgender community.

I knew she wasn’t perfect, but she did own up to her ignorance and apologized, which is so much more than many people do. We all have to have space to make mistakes and grow. It is necessary to welcome the people in who are willing to open their minds and change their perspectives. I continued to follow her.

So, as one of my Christmas gifts, I bought her book, “Small Victories Spotting Improbable Moments of Grace.” I’m not going to lie I didn’t love the first essay in the book. But I kept reading, and there it was on page twenty. Twenty pages into the book the words, “They knew deep down they were manic-depressive crazy people…” popped out as if in bold on the page.

I held my breath. I read a few sentences to see if she meant it or would take it back. I thought maybe I read it wrong. The author is a progressive activist after all. I looked in the front of the book to see if it was published a long time ago. The copyright date said 2014.

Manic-Depressive? My first diagnosis was over twenty years ago, and it was bipolar disorder. Even twenty years ago, the switch was being made from manic-depressive to bipolar. There is a woman out of touch. Not only is she a woman out of touch, but a woman who thinks bipolar equals crazy people. I started to see her comments about Caitlyn Jenner as part of a bigger problem.

In my opinion, she is far from a progressive, and if she is an activist it is not for the marginalized or discriminated or hated or those that are made to feel less than and dehumanized. No. I don’t think of Anne Lamott as a progressive. I think of her as an outdated, ignorant person, who should be irrelevant but keeps making the New York Times Best Seller List. I guess many people don’t read closely or thoroughly enough, either that or they have the same stigmatizing attitudes that she does. All I can do is sigh because last week I thought we had made such progress in this arena. One step forward, two steps back.

The Realities Of Paranoia And Internalized Stigma

29 Tuesday Dec 2015

Posted by in mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Today is one of the days that I blog for Psych Central. I try to blog for that site every Tuesday and Friday (occasionally I can’t make that schedule). Anyway, I woke up and wrote a blog about relationships that I thought was fantastic and then paranoia started to creep in. Thoughts like, “What if someone takes my advice and they die? What if the person reading my blog is in a violent relationship?”  So, I ended up too fearful to post my writing.

I sat at the computer with nothing. Nothing for this blog and nothing for my Psych Central blog. I did a few yoga stretches. I tried to clear my mind. I decided research was the way to go and I ended up writing this post for Psych Central. It is a blog about internalized stigma. 

If you are interested you can also read my blog post about bands and artists that I think stigmatize mental illness. It is a post I wrote over the weekend. Fans of the rock band, Disturbed disagree with my take on the video but every time you have an opinion people are going to disagree.  I don’t mind disagreement, it can lead to further understanding.

 

Artists Who Promote Stereotypes Of Mental Illness

13 Sunday Dec 2015

Posted by in mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I try to buy products that are handmade, recycled, upcycled, used, etc. I go to thrift stores, used book shops, and love the website, Etsy. The reason I do that is so that I can feel good about all of my purchases knowing I didn’t contribute to companies that harm their workers, use child labor, or pollute the environment. Of course I also support small businesses by shopping at Etsy and support many nonprofits by shopping in their thrift stores. It is a win-win situation all around.

I am not always successful at being a conscientious consumer though. There are times when I am in a hurry and buy products that I normally wouldn’t buy, or times, when I don’t do my research and find out later that I have supported a business, corporation, or in the case I am about to tell you about, some artists that I had no idea created stereotypical information about people with mental illnesses.

I saw this band, and a video they made, in my newsfeed on Facebook (the link I am sharing isn’t the same one I originally saw).   I listened to the song again and again because I loved their remake of the original (I like the original, too).

I posted the video to my Facebook page.

Yesterday, I decided to look up the band on YouTube and see if they had any more songs that I like. This is the first song I found (Trigger Warning – suicide).  Is it possible for the band, Disturbed, to be any more stereotypical about mental illness than they are in that video?  The part that really bothers me is that the video has well over ten million views.

I do not want to support a band that makes videos like that. I guess they think that mental illness and psych wards make you edgy, dangerous, different, and cool. It is easy to see why so many teenagers write poetry about mental illness and inaccurately think they are “crazy.” When the bands you listen to and look up to are making videos that you watch over and over again and those videos are about stereotypes of mental illness – when was the last time you wore a uniform in the psych ward? That isn’t of course the worst of it – the message of the video is that the “keepers” of the psych ward are “jailers” and they are out to punish, change, hurt, and subdue, and even kill you.

I find that people who fall back on stereotypes to sell their art are not very creative. They certainly aren’t edgy, different, or cool. To be truly cool and edgy you have to put a new message out there. This one is as old as lobotomies, and I give this band a thumb down. No, worse than that, I give them an F at social messaging that impacts others. They reached millions of people with images that harm millions of Americans. I wish the media would pick up on this type of “stereotyping” and call artists out and hold them accountable. It is a shame that they can make money by making our lives worse – we have to live with the stereotypes they promote. This band reminds me that we have such a long way to go in seeing mental illness as the disease that it is, and we can’t even count on artists to take us the next mile or so – we have to move ourselves forward and it feels like we have to do that by crawling on our hands and knees.

 

A little Behind

13 Tuesday Oct 2015

Posted by in mental illness, schizophrenia, writing

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Well, I didn’t meet all of yesterday’s goals. I did get a blog done for Psych Central that I hope you will read and comment on.  If you have been reading my blog for a while you will know that I have addressed the issue of creativity and mental illness before – in my blog post on this site, I said I didn’t believe there was a real link, but I found some research today to suggest there is. Please pop over and see if you agree with how I handle that new information.

I Want My Heroes To Be Disabled

10 Saturday Oct 2015

Posted by in bipolar, heroes, hope, mental illness, schizophrenia

≈ 16 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Yesterday when I was browsing through Facebook, there was a video/article posted by The Mighty. The Mighty posted the video (that has gone viral) to ask its members how they feel about the video and how they want The Mighty to handle this type of information in the future (meaning do they want us (as members) to see kindness to disabled people as heroism, or should we expect kindness).

I didn’t answer The Mighty on Facebook, but I couldn’t stop thinking about their question and how I feel about it. Yes, the young man in the video did a very kind thing, but it makes me sad that he is being called a hero for being kind. Have we really become so self-centered and cut off from one another that a decent act between two human beings is considered heroism?

Also, he is being considered a hero for comforting a disabled man. This is one more example, in many, where people without a disability get to take credit for being kind to the “other” “lesser” “needy” And in this way I don’t like it at all.

People without disabilities are seen and heard in every public space and in every room. We see them as the lead characters on television. We see them in every job, and at every dance, and at every restaurant, and at every event. They are in magazines, and newspapers, they are in government and in the boardroom. They are not under-represented or invisible. They are not fighting to get access or be heard. They are front and center in our culture. They are always the heroes.

I want to see disabled heroes. I want to see someone with a mental illness win some of the prestigious writing awards and residencies. I want to see people in wheelchairs as CEO’s and covered on the front of major magazines. I want to see disabled entrepreneurs and artists. And I don’t want them to be great, because they are disabled (like isn’t it amazing that someone with a disability can do this? No.)  I want them to be great because they are great. There are many disabled writers, artists, athletes, business people that are worth being spotlighted, because of their accomplishments not because of their disability.

I read an article recently by a disabled young woman and she wrote that “The disabled are not here to inspire you.” I think when considering heroes and success this is important too. Someone with a mental illness isn’t inspirational just because they get out of bed and dress in the morning, or take a shower. The disabled aren’t inspirational just because they have a job.

Disabled people are as competent and talented as anyone else.

When we get to a point when kindness is described as an event between two human beings and not a healthy individual and a “special needs” man, and when we get to the point where the success of the disabled is the norm and not the exception, that is when we have reached a balance and one group isn’t seen by the other as less-than or inspirational just for being.

We have a long way to go.