Tag Archives: Christmas

Free Gift of Self-Care December 1st – December 25th

30 Friday Nov 2018

Posted by in bipolar, caregivers, mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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December Giving To Anyone with a Chronic or Mental Illness

 

If you are not familiar with an advent calendar, it is a calendar that starts on December 1st and ends on December 25th (Christmas). When I was growing up, we had a felt advent calendar in our living room and the first one to wake up in the morning, removed, the little piece of felt and a picture (like a star, or poinsettia and the day’s date became visible). When my niece and nephew were little, I used to buy them the same type of calendar at Trader Joe’s, and each day they could open the tiny door on the box, and there was a piece of chocolate covering that day’s date. They would eat one piece of chocolate every morning from the 1st to the 25th of December.

Because December and the holidays can be tough on people, especially people with a physical or mental illness, I try to get my husband and me through the season in the best state of mind possible, and one way I do that is to create a twist on the advent calendar every year.

Last year I took twenty-five clothespins and clipped them on a string and hung it across a wall in the living room. I clipped a piece of paper to each pin. On the front of the paper was a number (from 1 to 25) and when my husband opened each piece of paper during December, he found a random act of kindness that he had to complete that day. One day, his act was to open the door for a stranger. Another day it was saying hi to five people he passed on the street. Another day it was leaving a dollar twenty-five in quarters in the laundry room so someone could do a free load of washing.

This year, I am going to take twenty-five envelopes and twenty-five recipe cards. I am going to write an inspirational quote on each of the twenty-five cards, put them in an envelope and number each envelope from 1 to 25. The same idea can be a self-care routine for someone with a chronic physical or mental illness, but instead of inspirational quotes, there can be a five-minute action (some may take more than five minutes) that the person has to complete that day.

Some suggestions for a self-care calendar are: eat one of your favorite foods today, draw a picture, or burn your favorite candle. For someone else it might be, make yourself a cup of tea and stare out the window while you sip it, take a nap, read at least two articles from your favorite magazine, or start a new book. Someone else might like things like, call your best friend, take a social media break, watch an episode of your favorite show, or one of your favorite movies.

There are endless ideas you can use for this gift to your friend or loved one, and the better you know them, the easier it will be for you to come up with ideas for little (or big) things for them to do. If you want to make it even more elaborate, on some days, you might want to include a small gift with the self-care suggestion — for instance, a candle, a book by their favorite author, the latest copy of their favorite magazine. I wouldn’t get carried away though, the beauty of creating this gift is it is in the thought and time spent putting it together. We all know that it is the thought that counts and this gift are thoughts that count (Calendar! Countdown to Christmas!) Okay, I’m better at making holidays special than making puns!

 

A Nostalgic Christmas

24 Sunday Dec 2017

Posted by in bipolar, caregivers, hope, mental illness, relationships, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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My husband and I are sitting in our robes at our computers, listening to Christmas carols. Today is the first time this season I have heard the Christmas songs I grew up with. The songs are full of emotion for me. It started this morning on Snapchat when one of the filters had a halo and wings, and the song playing was Oh Holy Night. Tears filled my eyes and ran down my cheeks. I heard the same song when I clicked on a link from fellow blogger Outofagreatneed’s Facebook page.

It isn’t the songs about jingle bells, or frosty the snowman, or how cold it is outside that get me; it is the religious songs that get me crying. Those songs were such a part of my childhood, and they bring up the most powerful and wonderful memories. It makes me miss the child I used to be and the young version of all my brothers.

I love my life with my husband and the past twenty years with him have been the best of my life, but I have to admit there are things in my childhood that I miss and that I mourn. I miss having my three older brothers around. I miss believing in Santa Claus and magic. I miss my love of Sunday school, and I miss the simplicity of the 60’s and 70’s. I guess I miss being a kid even though my brothers and I had traumatic and tough things to deal with in our youth.

We attended church every Christmas Eve growing up and every year we sang the same songs. When it was time to sing, The First Noel, my oldest brother, Joel (who is seven years my senior), used to tell all of us younger kids that they were singing the FIRST JOEL. All four of us kids would be belting out “The first Joel, the angels did sing!” Joel would have a huge grin on his face when all of us younger kids loudly sang his name.

Not only do the religious songs bring up memories of my innocence and a simpler time, but they also bring up all the hope I have for my life and the lives of others. The songs remind me of all the best messages of a religion I hold dear: all people are created equal (even if they are homeless or have a mental illness), there is forgiveness for all, there is joy, there is the promise of peace. Not to mention a belief that I will someday see my beloved grandparents, and other people who have passed before me. Equality. Hope. Joy. Forgiveness. Meaning. Eternity. Love. Peace. Not a bad way to focus a troubled mind.

So, as I sing off key and loudly in my condominium this Christmas feeling both triumphant and nostalgic, I hope that a part or a piece of the season I celebrate enters your heart – imagine, equality. Imagine peace. Think love.

Merry Christmas from a very sentimental blogger who dares to hope for a better life for all – next year and all the years to come.

 

Mental Health, The Holiday Edition

23 Saturday Dec 2017

Posted by in bipolar, caregivers, hope, mental illness, relationships, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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It’s the holidays! Time for giving. Time for eating. Time for music and all forms of goodwill.

*(If you are someone that experiences sadness or depression this time of year, I’ve had years like that, too. I suggest binge-watching good movies with your favorite snacks piled high on the bed, or if you can get out and enjoy some natural beauty, that can help too. Please just know, that the season will be over soon, and the days will start to get lighter with more sunshine (and unless you live in Southern California, more sunshine is always a good thing).

We have a little tree up. It is a replica of the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree in the classic Peanuts special. My mom gave us the DVD several years ago, and we watch it at least once a year. I am always surprised by the part where Linus gives his speech about the true meaning of Christmas during the Christmas play. Because I am Christian, I love that part of the show, but I am surprised that children’s programs (watched by the majority of Americans during the 70’s) contained Christian messages.

Before my Grandfather died, he used to say, “I am ready to go to heaven. Most of my friends are there, and I don’t recognize this world anymore.”  When I think of my childhood, I feel a little bit like my Grandfather – there is so much that has changed. Huge changes have occurred in our society, and I feel nostalgic at times. For example, growing up we knew all of our neighbors and spent time in their company and their homes. I currently live in a condo with 16 other households, and I have never been invited into any of their units.

I wonder what my Grandfather would say about computers and smartphones? I am certain he would feel even more disconnected and isolated from a world that is changing so quickly. My mom, who will be 80 this year, bought a smartphone years before me. She sends me Snapchats every day and follows all my brothers on Instagram (a platform I am not even on). Even though I refused to buy a smartphone until this year; I think it is important to know things about each generation. I don’t mean that we have to do everything that each new generation of young people does, but we have to do some things. I try to read some of the articles and books that they are producing so that I can stay connected to changing language (like all the words we said before the 90’s that are no longer acceptable and all the new additions like nonbinary, gender neutral, etc.)

I recently saw a video posted by another blogger I follow (shout out to Outofgreatneed), that contained research about young people and technology. There is a large rise in depression among teenagers, and it appears to be linked directly to how much time they spend on their phones. I don’t know if it is the constant comparison of our lives to one another or the fact that staring at a screen is such a passive activity. The study didn’t say what it is about our smartphones that is making children more depressed; they only tied the increase in depression to the amount of time spent on the device.

So, how can we help people who were born into a different world feel connected, appreciated and important, this time of year and going forward? If they want to, we can be patient enough to help them learn new technologies. If they don’t want to do that, we can at a minimum, put our phones down when talking to them and look them in the eyes. Have you ever noticed that when you look someone in the eyes, it helps you to know how that person is feeling? Eyes, rarely lie.

It’s the holiday season, and like most people, I want to experience the magic of the season. That magic is diminished though if so many of us are feeling depressed and unwell. I’m not saying that the 70’s or any period before now was ideal or perfect, but we had some things right, some things that didn’t need to be altered or changed. I’m going to invite my neighbors to do more things with me in the New Year, and hopefully, when I write you at the end of 2018, I will know what some of their homes look like and more importantly what is on their minds and in their hearts.

If you celebrate, then Merry Christmas! If you don’t, then happy holidays! I wish us all a healthy and happy New Year!

 

Schizophrenia, The Christmas Present Edition (or other gift giving holiday)

08 Friday Dec 2017

Posted by in caregivers, mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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Christmas used to be very expensive for my husband and me. We bought gifts for all of our nieces and nephews, our parents, and then there were close friends and another family member here or there. We also had to buy gifts for parties we would attend that held white elephant gift exchanges. Christmas is no longer expensive. Most of our nieces and nephews are grown up with jobs of their own, and we have agreed not to exchange gifts with most of our parents. And for better or worse, we hardly get invited to any parties with gift exchanges anymore.

I love the holidays, though and my husband put up our little Charlie Brown Christmas tree today (yes, it has one red bulb). On Christmas morning I want my stocking to be filled and placed beneath that tree. I love the idea of filling Christmas stockings, and it is about the last tradition I follow.

So, there is more money left for my husband and me to spend on each other if we wish (we don’t get too carried away). Here are some of the things I have bought this year, or that I want that I think make great gifts for people with a mental health issue.

A weighted blanket. I bought a weighted blanket for my husband and me about six months ago, and we both love it. The adult ones are expensive (they will run you about $150) but they are something you can keep for years, so the price is worth it. Our blanket weighs 15 pounds. The theory behind the blanket is that the weight helps make you feel contained or safe. I haven’t tried using it when I have a panic attack, but I assume it would help a little bit. One thing to be aware of is it is warm so in the summer you might find that you kick it off while sleeping. I love mine, so if you have a Santa in your life who buys you bigger gifts, this might be just the thing to put on your list.

Noise canceling headphones. This is something on my Christmas list this year. One of my friends recommended these to me a year ago because of the difficulty I have traveling. She said she loves hers, and they help her with the noises in airports and on planes. I think the elves are making me a pair of these as I type this.

A Smartphone. I held on to my flip phone for years, claiming that I don’t need a Smartphone. I argued that I was home all day in front of a computer and would have no use for a Smartphone. I love my Smartphone so much, and it helps me tremendously. I can talk on Skype or another application to people during the day which is a fantastic remedy for how I isolate socially. Also, it allows me to check e-mails when I am away from home and read Facebook helping me to maintain a writing community and stay in touch with friends an family on the go. Lastly, Snapchat has added so much joy to my life (I have written a whole post on this). Anything that brings laughter to my life on a daily basis is worth having and holding onto.

Another great gift is a writing class or a few hours with a writing mentor. I have taken writing classes from UCLA Extension and Gotham Workshop and individual writers. I also use money that I would spend on therapy to pay for a writing mentor. All of these things help me try to become financially independent by supporting myself with my writing, and they help me to write more which is therapeutic. I found if I can write during a panic attack, then eventually the anxiety will subside. Also, writing out traumatic events has a therapeutic quality whether you share your writing or keep it to yourself. Writing is very helpful in managing a mental illness.

Books are a great gift. Novels can help us escape to a different world, and memoirs can help us to find other people like us. I read memoirs by people with schizophrenia as frequently as I can find them. It helps me to know I am not alone. There are so many good reasons to purchase a book, and they don’t have to be new. You can find great books at GoodWill, or second-hand stores, and if you don’t want to spend any money then wrap up your library card and put it underneath your tree – it is a gift that will give to you all year long.

If you know someone who is crafty or you like to shop on Etsy, one of my favorite things in my home is a handmade quilt. I love wrapping myself up in my very own blanket. I am like a kid with her security blanket. I love mine and gifting one to someone else, or buying your own is a present that if taken care of can last the rest of your life.

Of course, fluffy socks, a pair of yoga or sweatpants, an oversized sweatshirt, pajamas, a luxurious robe, a magazine subscription, adult coloring books, or sketchbooks and pencils can all make those difficult days more comfortable and easier.

My husband said I am a great Christmas present shopper. I hope this is true; I try to put a lot of thought into what I buy people because I don’t like to waste money and I don’t like to add to people’s junk pile or the things they want to send to GoodWill. Last year, I bought my husband a ginger beer making kit with copper mugs included because he likes to have the occasional Moscow Mule cocktail. This year, I bought him an Ancestry DNA kit. We are both going to get our DNA tested to see where our family comes from and to see if we can connect with relatives around the world. I would like to know if schizophrenia runs in my family (I have a second cousin with it, but I don’t know of anyone else).

So hopefully if Santa is you, or someone you know, you will get the items on your wish list. Leave him (or you) a big plate of cookies and make sure to include in your list that you have been more nice than naughty this year.

Here’s to your health, both mental and physical!

 

A Smile for Service Workers this Holiday Season

28 Tuesday Nov 2017

Posted by in relationships, Uncategorized

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Last night my husband and I went to the grocery store. I feel like I should tell you that I was hungry, the store was packed, and the lines were long. I feel like I should tell you that so you don’t think I am a horrible person, but that is the problem with this story. I’m not a horrible person and so frequently online, and in person, people will make you feel like you are horrible for the slightest things – one tiny misstep and you are someone marginalizing other people.

Here is what happened: I was walking through a crowded store with my husband looking for tea. I saw one of the men who works at the store stocking boxes, and I said, “Where is the tea?” He said, “Hi.” I said, “Do you know where the tea is?” He said, “Hi.” I finally figured out what he was trying to do and I laughed a little and said, “Okay, hi. Do you know where the tea is?” My laughter wasn’t because I thought what he did was funny. I thought what he did was try to force me to behave in a way that he preferred. Now, I know greeting someone before you ask them a question is a polite thing to do, but honestly, I wasn’t trying to be rude. I was asking a question of someone who worked in the store.

I feel like the man was trying to “teach” me some manners. I felt a little shamed and like a child. I also feel like if he can’t handle being asked where something is without a “proper” greeting, he probably shouldn’t work in a grocery store. I can’t be the only person who asked him the location of a product without saying hello that day. But, that being said, he was right. I should have greeted him first. I should always have the time and make an effort to recognize people’s humanity before asking or expecting something from them.

Honestly, I think you can tell the character of a person by how they treat people who are “serving” them – like in a restaurant. I try to be polite to everyone who serves me. I say please and thank you, and tip well at the end of the meal. I don’t think anyone is beneath me. Of course, the man in the store’s point hit me so hard that the next time I ask someone in a store a question, you can bet that I will greet them first. I think greeting someone first is a good policy, but I feel like we need to have some tolerance for people’s missteps, or mistakes without shaming them (I have written about not shaming people many times).

I guess I should be thankful that I now know that some people working at the grocery store feel mistreated by customers (although I always think of restaurant workers when I think of bad clientele, I never thought of a grocery store as having demanding or demeaning customers on a regular basis).

It is Christmas time, and it is a difficult time to be someone in the service industry, so I hope that my little story here will remind you that people are people and need to be treated with respect even when we are hungry, in a hurry or a bad mood. I just hope you don’t get forced or shamed into treating them that way – hopefully, the joy of the season will infect you, and you will naturally and spontaneously treat everyone with kindness, compassion, patience, and love.

Being Mentally Ill and the Holidays

27 Monday Nov 2017

Posted by in mental illness, relationships, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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It’s the holiday season. An exciting and enriching season for some, and for others, the most difficult time of the year.

For those of us with a mental illness, it can be hard for various reasons. Being alone, or being away from friends and family is only one possible problem. There are those of us with anxiety issues that can become worse during the hustle and bustle of holiday parties, shopping, crowds, etc. There are those who suffer from depression that can deepen this time of year. There are those of us (and we are many) who isolate, and that means that invitations to parties, gatherings, happy hours, and volunteer opportunities, etc. can create stress.

I happen to love the holidays, but things at my house look very different than anyone else I know. My husband and I used to travel to relative’s houses and go to big family parties that included cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, grandparents, and the occasional friend. Now, we decline invitations to those family functions.

A day or two before Christmas we check into a hotel, and the only traditions we recognize are the sharing of Christmas stockings (I fill my husband’s Christmas stocking, and he fills mine). On Christmas day, we take a picture of ourselves by the ocean and post it to social media (if you follow me on social media you know this is highly unusual for me because I never take selfies and I am not one to post too many updates on what we are doing).

Not sharing the holidays with family has created a few hard feelings over the years, but my husband and I have become more comfortable with saying no to people and taking care of ourselves as the years have passed. I guess you could say we are more selfish now than we were the first ten years of our marriage, but selfish seems too harsh a word for something you do to avoid stress, negativity, anxiety, drama, etc.

I like the no expectations of our holidays. I don’t have to cook, or shop, or bring presents, or be involved in anyone’s drama. We celebrate a drama-free Christmas Southern California style, and I love it.

My advice to anyone who has difficulties with the holidays is to make choices that make you happy even if those choices don’t make everyone else happy. I am all for spending time with family and friends and sharing my life, time, etc. with other people, but I will no longer do that at the expense of my mental health and my husband won’t either.

So, I am sure that some people think we are Scrooge number one and Scrooge number two, but they can think that while we walk on the beach Christmas day sipping coffee, holding hands, and wearing sunglasses to keep things from being too bright.

25 Days of Kindness and Cheer

02 Friday Dec 2016

Posted by in hope, Uncategorized

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Currently, there is so much hatred being planned and executed in the world. We need an avalanche of kindness, compassion, and concern. Count me in among the ones to take the first step on the mountain that makes the snow become unsteady and start to shift.

Thanksgiving is over. Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa and the New Year are right around the corner. We are in the midst of the holiday season, and this is the time I reach out more to strangers, smile more often at faces I don’t recognize, wish people well in almost every interaction, and buy coffee, meals, and presents for loved ones and strangers alike.

I love the holidays. I love the goodwill that is often shown to people in public and in private. This year, the election has left a country divided. Many people feel extreme anger, fear, and uncertainty about their future and the future of things they care about and love. There is no need to feel hopeless, though. Little actions done on a daily basis can change lives and change the world.

On Facebook, I announced that I was making an Advent calendar of kindness and cheer, and I asked people for suggestions. I know it is already December 2nd, but there are still many days left until Christmas to put these actions on your to-do list. I plan to write each of these things down, stick them in envelopes, shuffle the envelopes and then number them 1-25 (or 2-25 because we are starting a day late). I will open and complete one action each day until Christmas.

Here are highlights of some of the best suggestions I received:

  1. Buy coffee for a stranger in your favorite coffee shop
  2. Donate your magazines to a senior center
  3. Put money in someone else’s parking meter
  4. Offer to carry someone’s groceries
  5. Bake cookies, bread or a holiday treat for someone who is alone or elderly
  6. Make soup and gift it to people who rarely get a home cooked meal
  7. Buy $5 Starbucks or Subway cards and give them to people living on the street
  8. Serve a meal at a soup kitchen
  9. Donate food to a soup kitchen
  10. Buy a ham or turkey for a low-income family
  11. Offer to babysit for a single mom or dad
  12. Write a letter to a friend or relative
  13. Call someone you haven’t spoken to in a long time
  14. Donate coats and jackets to an organization that works with the homeless
  15. Buy socks for an organization that works with the homeless
  16. Donate sample sized shampoo and conditioner to an organization that works with the homeless
  17. Donate books to a women’s shelter
  18. Donate business clothes to an organization that helps people secure employment
  19. Smile and say hello to all the people you pass
  20. Sign up to do a 5K walk for an organization in your community
  21. Shovel snow or rake leaves for a neighbor
  22. Let someone go ahead of you in a line
  23. Tell your friends or family (or both) the things you most cherish about them
  24. Donate a toy (or gift) to foster children
  25. Clean out your closets and cupboards and donate all that you don’t use to Goodwill or another organization with a nonprofit thrift store.

Join me in spreading goodwill this holiday season. I’ll meet you where kindness and compassion live – let’s be neighbors.

 

We Listen To You? That Needs To Change, Or You Do.

30 Wednesday Dec 2015

Posted by in bipolar, mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized

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I can’t get away from it. It is everywhere. For some reason, I keep thinking I will be safe with artists. Surely artists will understand.

I first read the name, Anne Lamott, on Facebook. Some of her quotes were going around, and I thought they were beautiful. I liked her author’s page on Facebook and started seeing updates from her. I liked what I read. I thought she would be a cool person to have coffee with once a week.

I was on Twitter a day or two after Caitlyn Jenner came out. I follow Anne Lamott on Twitter, and she was using the masculine pronoun to write about Caitlyn. People started to call her out on that. She tweeted back that she would refer to Caitlyn as she as soon as “he lost the pee pee.” (I’m not sure that is the exact quote, but it was very close to that).

If you look up Anne Lamott on Google, you will find her described as a progressive political activist. That is the best we can expect from someone who identifies as progressive and as an activist? Her son popped on Twitter and explained that his mom had some things to learn. Anne apologized. Her initial response was a total rejection of the transgender community.

I knew she wasn’t perfect, but she did own up to her ignorance and apologized, which is so much more than many people do. We all have to have space to make mistakes and grow. It is necessary to welcome the people in who are willing to open their minds and change their perspectives. I continued to follow her.

So, as one of my Christmas gifts, I bought her book, “Small Victories Spotting Improbable Moments of Grace.” I’m not going to lie I didn’t love the first essay in the book. But I kept reading, and there it was on page twenty. Twenty pages into the book the words, “They knew deep down they were manic-depressive crazy people…” popped out as if in bold on the page.

I held my breath. I read a few sentences to see if she meant it or would take it back. I thought maybe I read it wrong. The author is a progressive activist after all. I looked in the front of the book to see if it was published a long time ago. The copyright date said 2014.

Manic-Depressive? My first diagnosis was over twenty years ago, and it was bipolar disorder. Even twenty years ago, the switch was being made from manic-depressive to bipolar. There is a woman out of touch. Not only is she a woman out of touch, but a woman who thinks bipolar equals crazy people. I started to see her comments about Caitlyn Jenner as part of a bigger problem.

In my opinion, she is far from a progressive, and if she is an activist it is not for the marginalized or discriminated or hated or those that are made to feel less than and dehumanized. No. I don’t think of Anne Lamott as a progressive. I think of her as an outdated, ignorant person, who should be irrelevant but keeps making the New York Times Best Seller List. I guess many people don’t read closely or thoroughly enough, either that or they have the same stigmatizing attitudes that she does. All I can do is sigh because last week I thought we had made such progress in this arena. One step forward, two steps back.

My Wish For You

24 Thursday Dec 2015

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Yesterday, my cousin, who is traveling around the United States for six months, stopped by my house for a visit. I haven’t seen her for over seven years. We were able to have some meaningful time together. Her visit brightened my heart and holidays. We talked, laughed, went to the park, saw a museum, had a delicious lunch, and we talked about our grandparents and some of our memories of them.

My mom and dad (my parents are divorced but have been remarried for so many years that I have two sets of parents) arrived from Arizona. They immediately filled my husband’s and my stockings. We filled their stockings too. There are some presents under the tree.

Earlier in the week, one of you sent me a Christmas card and present. I was so excited and touched by the gesture. It is one of the prettiest packages under the tree.

I think I will have an eggnog latte today.

It is Christmas Eve.

I hope you are surrounded by family, friends, or in a beautiful, peaceful place that you love to be. I know not all of you celebrate this holiday, but even if you don’t: Christmas is about hope, and although that hope centers around Jesus, we all need hope about something to keep us alive. So today at some point think about what it is you hope for – good health, a sound mind, stable moods, a friend, a job, etc. Hope. Hope. Hope.

Send your hope into the world and I will be hoping upon your hopes that all you hope for is waiting for you on Christmas morning.

I believe in Christmas miracles – I’m filling your stocking with hope – it is bulging because it is so full.

The Power of Hello (revisited)

18 Friday Dec 2015

Posted by in hope, mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized, writing

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Fridays are the days my husband cooks for the homeless and low income. Today is a special Friday because not only will my husband and the other volunteers be serving up a hot meal, they will be giving out Christmas gifts – tarps, blankets, flashlights, etc. And my husband and a few other people made their annual 100 loaves of banana bread and put a red bow on them to give out as well.

Thinking about the homeless at Christmas time made me think about Brian.  I wrote the following post about him months ago. Wherever you are Brian, I’m wishing you health and happiness and a warm bed this holiday season.

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Yesterday afternoon my husband and I were sitting around the house when I said, “Let’s go up to Starbucks to get out of the house.”

We walked up to Starbucks and while I ordered us an Arnold Palmer (black tea and lemonade) my husband found us a table. I saw that he had chosen one of the few empty tables next to a homeless man. I waited for our drink and then joined him.

I took out an essay I was trying to revise and said, “This is hard for me to rework. I understood immediately what the editor wants, but actually editing this and making it better is tough.”

The homeless man sitting in the corner said, “Are you a writer?”

“Yes.” I answered him.

“How many books do you have?”

“I have one book that I wrote by myself, and my husband and I published an anthology of fifteen poets. So, I guess I kind of have two books.”

“I am a writer too.” He said.

“What do you write?” He asked me.

I had often told people I write poetry and essays but I had never told them what the poetry and essays were about.  I made a guess about this man sitting near us, and decided to answer him honestly.

“I used to write poetry, but now I write essays about living with paranoid schizophrenia.”

“I was diagnosed with that too.” He said.

“What do you write?” I asked.

“My next book is going to be about the power of hello.”

My husband and I agreed that the power of hello was an excellent topic for a book. He told us his name, Brian.  He recited a poem he wrote in high school that he said was published. We talked about Frank Lloyd Wright, Hillary Clinton, Monty Python Movies, a British television show, and how he was going back to Michigan at the end of the month.

“How will you get to Michigan?” I asked.

“The city has this program. If you do some community service they will buy you a bus ticket to wherever you want to go.”

“Is someone in Michigan waiting for you?” I asked.

“My father, he is eighty-five.”

Brian said he had some really expensive Coach glasses.  He took them out of a bag and showed them to us.  They were pink and maroon. My husband and I told him they were nice. Brain said he thought they were worth a lot of money. Then he handed them to me and said, “Here, I want you to have these.”

I tried to refuse the glasses. I told him I didn’t have any money to give him for them. He said, “A gift is a gift. I don’t need any money.”

A gift is not just a gift when it is one of the few things you have.

I hope Brian writes that book about the power of hello.  I know his experience on the streets has taught him that most people won’t even look you in the eye. I also hope he takes that bus to Michigan, and receives the care and treatment he needs.

I’ll keep the glasses. I’ll fix them up with my prescription. I’ll wear them as a reminder of Brian, our shared illness, and I’ll try never to forget the power of hello.