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A Seismic Shift

19 Thursday Apr 2018

Posted by A Journey With You in bipolar, caregivers, hope, mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

classes, creative, creativity, hope, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, schizophrenia], writer, writing

Along with many other people, I am a person who is always trying to make myself better. I don’t want to stagnate in my relationships, my learning, my life. I would consider myself a life-long learner, a phrase I first heard my uncle use approximately three decades ago.

Since I graduated from college, I have almost always been in one kind of class or training program. I graduated from college with a BA in Liberal Arts in 1989 and since that time I have taken diversity training, non-profit organization training, numerous writing classes, a year-long leadership training program, a culinary arts program, etc.

Occasionally throughout the years, there has been a teacher, a statement, an exercise that has changed the course of my life. I can name these people, quotes, and experiences on two hands. Last night I had one of those experiences in a class I am taking online from Lidia Yuknavitch.

When I received my first diagnosis of bipolar disorder in my twenties, I spent a lot of time romanticizing the illness. I thought maybe having bipolar disorder made me more creative or more intelligent, or unique in other ways. I spent many days reading about famous people with the disorder.

At nearly forty, when I received a diagnosis of schizophrenia, I didn’t romanticize the illness at all. Schizophrenia, unlike bipolar disorder, is rarely romanticized in writing, or in the media. I adapted an attitude that many people have about mental illness in general which is that people who are creative would be creative with or without the illness and it is possible that if they weren’t sick, they would be far more productive. I adapted this attitude because it was far better than the messages society gave about schizophrenia.

I internalized some of those societal messages, too. In other words, I could find a silver lining in being someone with bipolar disorder, but I only saw hardship and struggle in the diagnosis of schizophrenia.

Last night, for the first time since my diagnosis over a decade ago, this attitude shifted a little bit. Some of my internalized stigmas shook loose, and I looked at schizophrenia a bit differently than I ever have in the past.

Just to let you know, Lidia Yuknavitch is a bestselling author. She is magnetic in her beliefs and has an amazing spirit of creativity, and wildness. She is generous and kind, and she wrote the book, “The Misfit’s Manifesto.” (I recommend that anyone with a mental illness read this book to find acceptance and a way forward despite what society tells you.)

So, what did Lidia say to me last night that shifted my perspective? I can’t quote her exactly, but she said that I have characters, voices, and things to write because of schizophrenia that no one else can write and that there is deep creativity in that.

I don’t like that I once romanticized bipolar disorder. And I don’t want to romanticize any mental illness, but when you live with a diagnosis that so many people consider the “worst” thing that can happen to you and someone you respect says that that illness gave you a gift in a way you care deeply about, you take it.

You take it, you look at it, you circle it, you inspect it, and you write as you have never written before because gosh darn no one has ever said anything positive about schizophrenia, and you heard it. You heard it from her.

Out Of The Closet For A Year

16 Wednesday Mar 2016

Posted by A Journey With You in articles I wrote, mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized, writing

≈ 19 Comments

Tags

activist, Advocate, blog posts, Blogging, books, classes, creative writing, essay, hope, inspiration, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, People magazine, psychiatry, psychology, schizophrenia], writer, writing

Yesterday marked my one year anniversary of coming out of the mental health closet. Many of my family and friends found out by reading a Facebook post that I have schizophrenia. You can find that post here. 

I started this blog about living with schizophrenia on March 19th, 2015. I have written hundreds of short essays and posted over 370 times.  I missed posting 25 days in the last year (that means I posted on over 300 days).

I have a blog on Psych Central that receives way more traffic than this blog. I have posted over 30 articles on that site. You can find that blog here. 

I have written 13 articles that are posted on The Mighty.You can find them all here.

On Christmas Eve 2015, I was featured on the People website. The article was shared over 2000 times.  You can read the article here.  

I had a short book of poetry and prose published. You can purchase it as Amazon (it is currently selling for a fraction of the publishing price – last time I checked you could buy it for $1.62). Pick one up here. 

I have been interviewed by several websites, magazines and had my book reviewed by Wordgathering. You can find that review here. 

I also took several creative writing classes.

I didn’t accomplish all that I wanted to, but I do hope that some people understand schizophrenia a little better and that in some way, I have made life easier for people with a severe mental illness.

Incredible ride. Incredible year.

 

 

Are You Hard On Yourself?

06 Saturday Feb 2016

Posted by A Journey With You in Uncategorized, writing

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

Art, artists, books, classes, development, essays, grammar, growing, growth, inspiration, school, success, workshops, writer, writing

My mind plays tricks on me. There are times when I am dozing off to sleep that I will remember a sentence I wrote earlier and the errors in it will stand out like a blue shirt against a white background. “How could I make such a dumb mistake?” I will ask myself.

Because I have already hit the send button to an editor, to a journal or for one of my blogs, I will feel so stupid thinking that the whole world now knows my inadequacies, deficiencies and the gaps in my knowledge of perfect grammar.

During these times, I will get up and check what I have sent. Many times I didn’t make the error I was positive I made. (There are times though when I reread what I sent and am horrified that I didn’t pick up on stupid and simple mistakes).

I am so hard on myself during those times. I feel like I am an imposter who doesn’t deserve the title of writer. I say to myself, “If I can’t get the basics right, how can I consider myself a writer?”

For a while, the punishment I put myself through for making mistakes seems like it will overwhelm me and I will stop writing completely. But in the long run, it is the pressure, the feeling of being an imposter, the desire to call me a writer and feel it, the desire to write something both beautiful and without errors that keep me going to classes and workshops.

I know I am harder on myself than I need to be, but when the initial weight of criticism leaves me, it makes me do more to master the craft. I sign up for another class, I read another book, and I push and push.

I bet many of you are hard on yourselves, too. I find the process of learning new things uncomfortable but my desire to be better than I was a year ago, a month ago, last week, and yesterday keeps me looking for opportunities to learn.

Do you get past the criticism of yourself and look for new avenues to drive down that will lead you to places you thought might be impossible to visit?  If you do, in time we can walk to the door of some cool house and maybe even have the key to getting in.

 

 

Christmas Gifts From Me To You

12 Saturday Dec 2015

Posted by A Journey With You in Uncategorized

≈ 28 Comments

Tags

blog planner, books, Christmas, classes, coloring books, devotionals, e-books, free, freebies, gifts, holiday, kindle, magazines, newsletters, poems, presents, santa, writers, writing, zen

Buying Christmas gifts makes me feel good. I would be happy if I could afford to buy all of you a gift this year. I would even be happy if I had all of your addresses and could send you all a card. I can’t do either of these things, but I put together this list of freebies for you, and I am hoping you will download, or sign up to receive at least one of them. If you do receive one of them, please put it under the tree with a tag on it that says, Merry Christmas, from Rebecca!

  1. Free Blog Planner http://avirtuouswoman.org/free-blog-planner/
  2. Free Blog Planner http://eliteblogacademy.com/free-blog-planner/
  3. Free Blogging Printables http://cortinsession.com/free-blogging-printables-2015-blog-planner/
  4. Free Adult Coloring Pages http://www.easypeasyandfun.com/free-coloring-pages-for-adults/
  5. Free Zen and Anti-Stress Coloring Pages http://www.coloring-pages-adults.com/coloring-zen/
  6. Free Kindle Books on Amazon http://www.amazon.com/b?node=2245146011
  7. Free Magazines http://freebies.about.com/od/booksmagazines/fl/free-magazines.htm
  8. Free Online Classes http://www.openculture.com/freeonlinecourses
  9. Free Writing Courses http://study.com/articles/10_Universities_Offering_Free_Writing_Courses_Online.html
  10. Free Newsletters (Best of) http://greatist.com/discover/subscribe-to-these-newsletters
  11. Daily Devotionals (Best of) https://www.biblegateway.com/devotionals/
  12. Daily Motivational Quotes http://www.daily-motivational-quote.com/
  13. A little Bit of This and A little Bit of That (You can sign up for the free products and donate them to a homeless shelter if you can’t use them.) http://www.totallyfreestuff.com/
  14. Poem-A-Day https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem-day
  15. Free e-books http://www.bookrix.com/books.html

 

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