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A Journey With You

~ surviving schizophrenia

A Journey With You

Tag Archives: disablity

Aging with Schizophrenia or Without

20 Monday Feb 2017

Posted by A Journey With You in Uncategorized, writing

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

able, age, aging, athletes, athletic, body, body positivity, disablity, exercise, older, Parkinson's, senior, youth

I knew a time when I didn’t consider turning a cartwheel a second thought – my arms outstretched my legs in a V and during those times falling wasn’t a concern. There was also climbing up on a horse and riding it as fast as it would carry me. I bent easily. I twisted with ease. Not so much grace, but flexibility. My body. My wonderful, beautiful, strong, capable, reliable body. Not everyone has a body that moves through the world without a struggle. I did, though, and now it is deteriorating.

My brother once said that Parkinson’s (which his partner has) is a series of letting go – saying good-bye to tasks and skills you once could perform easily and without effort. I am letting go. No cartwheels. No mindless walking where the tree trunks that have pushed up a concrete block in the sidewalk don’t make me slow down. I need a steady pace. No dashing from the shower without the fear of falling. No leaving puddles of water on the bathroom floor.

This body that for over thirty years was ready and waiting to bring a life into this world has even said enough to that as menopause begins to set in. There will be no children feeding on these breasts. No eggs. No build up of the uterine wall and then the shedding of that miraculous lining.

I grow older by the day. My body has become more fragile, less limber. I see some eighty-year-olds running marathons, that will not be me. For the past eight weeks, I have been bedridden because of an injury to my back and during that time I have dreamt of the lack of awareness I used to possess where my limbs and spine are concerned. I have drifted off to sleep imagining that I was floating in water, free from the aches and pains and weight of my out-of-shape body.

I’m not a person filled with jealousy. I rarely feel envy, but to watch the free-flowing movements of abled bodied twenty-year-olds brings a sting of missed opportunity and the lack of gratefulness and full appreciation of what this marvelous home I walk in could once do.

I know that aging brings with it pearls – treasures of a different kind: memories of how things used to be like life before the Internet, before cell phones, before selfies and if you are fortunate enough, age carries with it more wisdom and an eye and heart for what is truly beautiful.

As I let go of physical confidence and strenuous athletics, I keep my heart and mind open for the freedom to visit the past and soak up all that is precious there; grandparents who have passed on, friends who were taken much too young. I can entertain my young self and accept that she was right about some things, especially that the world is magic and she has mystical powers.

Psych Central Blog

12 Tuesday Jan 2016

Posted by A Journey With You in mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized, writing

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

blog, blogger, Blogging, disablity, inspiration porn, inspirational porn, language, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, Psych Central, schizophrenia], stereotypes, stigma

Here are two articles I posted on Psych Central recently.

The first one is about inspirational porn (a debate that is currently going on in the disability community) and how I feel about it regarding schizophrenia. 

The second post is resources that are available on the Internet for how to talk about disability without offending anyone.  

I hope you have the time to pop over there and read one (or both) of the articles.

I Hear You, But I Can’t Keep Up With The Disabled Community

23 Wednesday Dec 2015

Posted by A Journey With You in bipolar, caregivers, hope, mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

ablest, ablism, autism, bipolar, community, depression, disabled, disablity, inspiration, martyr, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, neurodiversity, neurotypical, schizophrenia], writer, writing

I don’t think of myself as the most educated and updated person when it comes to all the issues regarding feminism, racism, transgender, disability, LGBT, etc. I care about all of these issues, and I particularly care about equality, but it is hard to keep up with the latest concerns, language, etc. inside each of these movements (and I realize that many of these issues intersect with one another).

There has been a controversy in the disability community about a site I write for called, The Mighty. The Mighty is being called out for not hearing the voices of the disabled, and instead posting mostly articles by caregivers with an ablest perspective, or a mommy martyr perspective, or exploiting the vulnerabilities of people who can’t speak for themselves (don’t worry if you have never heard these terms before. I read most of them for the first time yesterday, and I felt like I had been living in a hole in terms of the disability community because everyone else was using them frequently).

And my last sentence in brackets is what has me being thoughtful today. It is true, I don’t know everything going on in the disability community, and I should, or at least I should know more. How can I claim to be an activist and an advocate if I don’t read, read, and read some more about what is happening to the very community I am a part of?  I can’t.

Besides the issues I listed before, writers with disabilities are claiming that The Mighty publishes mostly “inspo porn” (inspirational porn). People are speaking out against this because they say it simply exists to make abled or neurotypical (for information regarding the neurodiversity movement click here) people feel good about themselves, and another way to exploit people with disabilities (the idea is, we don’t exist to be other people’s inspiration).

Okay, I am beginning to deepen my understanding here. I wonder though, where does my voice belong? I am someone who has a disability, and my particular disability is supposed to be one of the most severe in terms of mental illness. I want to write things that give people with schizophrenia hope. I want to write stuff that is inspirational. My whole goal in keeping this blog is to help people see people with schizophrenia as their neighbor, or their friend, or their hairstylist, lawyer, etc.

I have a diagnosis that is often portrayed as someone who is a mass murder in the media. Rock bands use people in straitjackets and asylums to sell albums. It is common (like daily) to hear language that is insulting to the mentally ill. These are big issues to overcome, and my main goal is to get out a new message about schizophrenia, and to report the alarming statistics and conditions many people with schizophrenia live with. I don’t know if with all of that, I can also worry about trying not to be someone else’s good feeling or inspiration. I am afraid that I might be a disappointment to the disability community as a whole, and it won’t be intentional, it will just be that I feel like schizophrenia is so far behind the train of acceptance, equality, lack of stigma, etc. that we don’t even see the smoke from the engine. Until we can see that smoke, I simply can’t take on every issue in the community.

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