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A Journey With You

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In This Horrible Mess, I Will Continue To Find Two Good Things

25 Thursday Feb 2016

Posted by A Journey With You in bipolar, mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

abortion, christianity, decency, disease, dumping, essay, homeless, inhumane, jesus, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, pregnancy, psychiatric, psychiatry, schizophrenia], schizophrenics, severe mental illness, Treatment, writer, writing

At dinner, my husband and I tell each other two good things that happened during our day. Yesterday, I told him, the love note he left for me in the little mailbox I keep on my writing desk, and having lunch with a friend, were the best things that happened to me. Then I told him, other than that, it was a depressing, infuriating, sad day.

It seemed like everywhere I looked yesterday the topic of schizophrenia or mental illness came up. There was an article about the woman who was pushing her dead child in a swing for two days. It turns out she has schizophrenia and was noncompliant with her medication.

There was an article written by a man with schizophrenia who claimed in the first sentence of his essay that schizophrenia was the worst illness you could have. The writer went on to write about his need for forced medication. It was a story that I found stigmatizing.

Then there was the article written by a fairly well-known writer that made sweeping generalizations about all people with schizophrenia, and she referred to us repeatedly as “schizophrenics” which is a term that most people with schizophrenia dislike because it puts the illness before the person. In other words, it identifies a person by their illness rather than by the millions of other things they are, like, do, talents they have, their career, or whatever.

On a Facebook status a woman wrote that calling someone mentally ill was the “most malicious and vile slur imaginable.”  (I probably don’t need to point out that one in four Americans are mentally ill and we don’t consider our disease a slur).

But there are two things that topped off the day. I read an article about “dumping” where psychiatric facilities put chronically medically ill people on a bus and ship them to California. They do not send them to California to be with relatives or to go to a treatment center; they send them to California, so they are out of their cities and towns and not “cluttering up their streets.”

I almost can’t continue typing at this point. We, those of us with a severe mental illness, are the unwanted, the eye-sores, the throwaways, the not-to-be-seen, less-than-human, people that are being put on buses so people can get rid of us.

All of this was enough for me for one day. I decided to read a book about Jesus. I was reading the book, The Jesus I Never Knew, by Philip Yancey and on page 32 the author writes about Mary being pregnant and how she was an unwed teenager and how today, that pregnancy would probably lead to abortion. Then I read this, “…and her talk of having conceived as a result of the intervention of the Holy Ghost would have pointed to the need for psychiatric treatment, and made the case for terminating her pregnancy even stronger.”

There is so much I can say about that quote. I will let you think about it though, and simply ask this question, “Do most people believe that women with a mental illness should terminate their pregnancies?”

With so much stigma, so much misinformation, so much fear, so much inhumanity, so much misunderstanding, so much disdain, I don’t always know how to put one foot in front of the other. I don’t always know how to shake all this stuff off. I don’t always know how to keep my head up and keep going.

People talk about the horror of kicking a puppy, the cruelty of hurting something so vulnerable and innocent. For one hour, for one day, let’s talk about the cruelty inflicted on the mentally ill. It’s real, do you find that as disturbing as kicking a puppy?

At dinner tonight, I will search for the two best things that happened today, so I can keep up my husband’s and my nightly ritual, but so that you know, those two things don’t outweigh the truth about how many severely mentally ill are treated. Finding two things right with my day doesn’t overshadow all that is wrong.

 

The Reality Of Illness

11 Monday Jan 2016

Posted by A Journey With You in bipolar, caregivers, hope, mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized, writing

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

bipolar, brain, cancer, depression, disease, disorder, health, heart disease, hope, illness, luck, lucky, mental illness, mentally ill, schizophrenia], symptoms, writer, writing

I have to admit that there are times when I wish there were a ribbon campaign for mental illness that was so popular it showed up on t-shirts, water bottles, Facebook statuses, etc. I also have to admit that I get tired of the jokes, stereotypes, misinformation and derogatory language surrounding an illness I just happen to have.

It isn’t a comparison, though. It isn’t an “I have it worse than you scenario.” Disease is dis-ease and all of them suck. And all of them have certain challenges. High blood pressure equals medication, diet, and exercise. Cancer may mean surgery, chemotherapy, or a wide range of other treatments. Schizophrenia usually means medication and the possibility of many other symptoms that occur in the mind. Of course, all of us on medication are at risk for other serious health issues – the side effects of drugs.

My step grandmother died at one hundred and two years old and didn’t have any health complications until the very end of her life. Yes, people are that lucky (notice I didn’t say blessed because that sounds like God plays favorites).

My husband has an autoimmune disease, and I don’t think his journey is any easier than mine. He has to deal with painful symptoms that have no easy explanation, and he is at high risk if he comes down with common things like the flu or a chest cold. My husband’s illness causes me an incredible amount of concern and worry, as I am sure my illness causes him to feel the same way.

I would say that the biggest difference between a mental illness and a physical illness is that one happens in the brain and seems to have an impact on the whole being because it changes the person’s response to the world, although, this wouldn’t be entirely accurate. Many people with cancer or chronic pain suffer from depression and depression also causes a change in the person who is suffering and their response to the world.

I like to have a positive attitude. I feel the best when I have a positive attitude. I am sure that is true for everyone. I also know that the articles I write that are hopeful and upbeat are far more popular than the ones I write which address the tough stuff. No one wants to hear how hard it is to have schizophrenia or any other disease. People want to hear stories about how others have overcome, are accomplishing great things, and are upbeat until the day they die.

That just isn’t always the case with illness, though. There are bad days. There are days when having a positive attitude would be like trying to climb a mountain without any previous training – you probably won’t make it – your body isn’t in the condition to accomplish it. I’m not always in a place where a positive attitude is possible.

There are people with cancer who pass away at a young age. There are people with heart disease who also die young. A story of disease isn’t always a story of triumph.

I like to give people hope about schizophrenia. I feel like that is one of the main reasons I write, but to forget that there are many people with schizophrenia whose lives have been forever altered by the illness, and their abilities diminished, is only to show you a fraction of the truth about this disease.

Today, I am one of the lucky ones. That can change tomorrow, or the next day, or next year. But today, I am lucky. I hope for those who are not as lucky. I hold them up in my thoughts, in my writing, and in my advocacy.

Luck can’t be captured or harnessed, or given away. Hope can, though – it’s no simple thing either. Hope can be a life saver. I hope for those who suffer from any disease. I hope for those who battle their voices. I hope for all of us – on a good day, like today.

From the Universe to the Personal: How Big is Your Worldview?

29 Tuesday Sep 2015

Posted by A Journey With You in mental illness, schizophrenia, writing

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

disease, drought, environment, essays, leukemia, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, mudslides, poetry, pollution, prose poetry, schizophrenia, shooting star, supermoon, universe, war, wildfires, write, writing

Two nights ago I stood on the roof of my building with my husband to look at the moon. It was a pinkish orange color. It was the first time in my life that I saw the moon look like a basketball that I could pluck from the sky. My husband thought it looked like a balloon. On every other night that I have seen the moon it is like a flat disc cut out of paper and placed on the sky. Two nights ago, you could see that it was round and full and three dimensional. I was also lucky enough to see a shooting star for the first time in over ten years.

Climate change is a threat to us all. We need to work together to lessen our impact on the environment. We need to pollute less, plant more trees, practice sustainable agriculture, walk more, drive less, stop buying, buying, buying.

There are wars in various parts of the world. People are frightened. People are dying. People are running to save their lives. We need to teach children about peace, harmony and tolerance. We need to curb power hungry people, greed, and extremism.

In the United States the stock market has been falling for over a month. The government may shut down again in a few short days. We owe billions of dollars to other nations. People live in the streets. Children go hungry. We imprison more people than any other country. People don’t have access to the health care they need.

In California there is a drought. There are wildfires. There is supposed to be a heavy rainy season that will bring floods and mudslides. There is always the risk of sink holes and earthquakes.

My mother has leukemia. My husband has an autoimmune disease.

I have schizophrenia.

Everyone Needs a Dream

26 Saturday Sep 2015

Posted by A Journey With You in hope, mental illness, schizophrenia, writing

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

bipolar, chronic illness, depression, disease, dreams, essays, future, happiness, hope, inspiration, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, psychiatry, psychology, schizophrenia, writing

I think it is important to the mind and the heart for each person to have a dream. I think this is vitally important to those living with an illness, and especially those living with a mental illness.

The days can be dark and long if you are battling with depression, paranoia, anxiety, psychosis, etc. Everyone needs a break from the grueling nature of an episode that takes over an otherwise healthy mind.

A dream can be like a salve to an open wound. It can carry you through. It can carry you on. It can get you from one place to another. It can help you soar a little above the earth possibly running your fingers through a cloud. It isn’t like a rainbow, it is a rainbow and the thought of attaining it is your pot of gold.

I have a key sitting on my desk with the word CREATE stamped into it and if I ever achieve my dream, I will pass the key on to another dreamer so they can hold on to the key as a reminder of their dream and when they achieved their goal, they can pass it on again.

I look at my key every day. I want to give it away. I haven’t decided yet who I will give it to, but I often think about it.

It is possible that I will be able to give my key away this week, or next week, or it may not happen until next year or they year after. My personal dream is to publish in one of a dozen places and right now I have five pieces of writing sitting in editor’s or reader’s inboxes at five of those publications.

I may hear back from all of them tomorrow with a “Thanks, but no thanks” or I may not hear from them for a couple of months. If they all say no, I will write, and edit, draft an e-mail and send again. I will repeat the process until I reach that one word, “Yes!”

Other than my marriage vows, it will be the best, yes, of my life.

We all need dreams to pave the way to good days.

A good day is coming and maybe you will receive a key long distance from me.

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