Tag Archives: Facebook

Looking for Support? Don’ t Trust the Web

15 Tuesday May 2018

Posted by in bipolar, heroes, hope, mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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Trigger Warning: Suicide

There is so much that is helpful and beneficial on the internet, and there is so much that is harmful and negative. Three of the things I love most about the internet is the ability to network with writers, and mental health advocates/agencies/nonprofits, the access to many university-level classes in writing, and the access to information to satisfy my curiosity or for research.

But like I mentioned before, the internet is not all healthy, rewarding, educational. Two of the things that I find harmful on the internet is the comment section under articles I write (I have written about suicide and had people comment that I should kill myself), and the support groups that are unmoderated on social media like Facebook.

There are several groups for people with schizophrenia, and so frequently I see young women posting pictures of themselves in the groups, and it appears they are simply looking for attention. I don’t see how that is at all relevant to schizophrenia or helping or supporting others. There are also posts that frequently say that the person is thinking of harming their self. I think it is awful to post those kinds of alarming situations anonymously in a group of people who are already dealing with mental health issues. Of course, those posts get hundreds of responses asking how to contact the person, how to report the post to Facebook, asking the person to call a crisis line, etc.

I realize that some people are all alone and have nowhere else to post their pain and their struggles, but it isn’t safe to do that sort of thing on social media or anywhere else on the internet. If you are in crisis, there are people just waiting to tell you to go ahead and harm yourself. There are also trolls that use those rooms/groups to play jokes on people (of course I don’t think it is funny, but they do).

I love the internet, and I am addicted to social media but other than using it to network with people (helping me stay less isolated), I don’t use it to better my mental health. I know that resources are few and money is tight for so many people, but if you are using the internet to get support, or get advice, make sure that you are dealing with a group or people who are safe and legitimate.

Please don’t post about a crisis and expect professional help. If you are having a crisis, please go to the nearest hospital or call your local crisis line. The internet is great and provides so many benefits to our lives but it can also be dark and dangerous, and I don’t want anyone to get hurt.  Stay safe friends.

From Breast Cancer to Social Anxiety, Social Media can Help

02 Saturday Dec 2017

Posted by in mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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I have frequently written about social media – people curating the “perfect life” on Instagram and Facebook, ganging up on people on Twiter, and of course, the mind-numbing time suck it can be. I have also written about my love of social media. Snapchat has added so much humor and connection to my life and is a positive addition to my days.

Of course, I have written that social media can be a savior to those of us who isolate socially, or are homebound, or have social anxiety. But there is something I found out this week that made me realize why I spend so much time reading the posts of others on social media – I find people with similar experiences to me.

I have written a little about the fact that while I am going through my breast cancer scare (that has lasted almost a year now) that I have found comfort, information, and support by reading about women in all different phases of breast cancer. Some of those women recently diagnosed, some in the midst of radiation or chemo, some survivors for over ten years. I have read story after story and followed some people’s journey all the way from diagnosis to their final treatment. I have learned about all the emotions that go into a cancer diagnosis, a mastectomy, hair loss, the thoughts of mortality, the fear, the sadness, the brain fog, etc. And on the other side, I have seen comments by hundreds of women, who like me, have had long drawn out tests that ended up being negative. I feel educated about this topic by a group of women across the globe.  I can’t say how much this has comforted and kept me sane during this process (my next test is on Dec. 13th.)

It hasn’t only been breast cancer, though. Earlier in the week, I read a post from a woman asking for suggestions on how to get through her anxiety. She wrote that she couldn’t tell the difference between excitement and fear/anxiety and her upcoming trip to Spain was causing her problems. What? I thought I was the only person on the planet that hated to be excited because I can’t distinguish that feeling from negative feelings. Excitement makes me nervous, anxious, shaky, uncomfortable and scared.

There are also the people I have met on social media who have schizophrenia. I can read what they post every day, and the things that they like and are concerned about and what they are doing with their time. Knowing other people with schizophrenia, and getting to experience bits and pieces of their lives, helps me feel less alone and not so different in the world. The people I have met on social media with schizophrenia are like me – they read, they socialize, they grocery shop, they have pets, and they do average and “normal” things. See, I’m not an exception, or an anomaly, I am like so many other people who experience symptoms every day but go about living a full life.

For all my complaints about social media, I think the benefits; I gain from it far out weight any criticism I have of it. If something can educate, comfort, support, and help you feel a sense of belonging and community,  that is not a bad thing. And it is all at my fingertips twenty-four hours a day – you can’t beat that, doctors and therapists don’t keep those hours, and I get every bit as much from social media without the office hours or co-pays.

 

 

 

It Would Be Nice If Our Motto Was Do No Harm

06 Monday Nov 2017

Posted by in mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized

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I don’t usually lose my cool unless I’m in a car, but that is another story. Today, I lost my cool. On my Facebook feed, I saw a post by a woman that said schizophrenics (I hate that word) in America hear voices telling them to commit acts of violence but in India schizophrenics (that word again) hear voices that tell them to clean house. I have over one thousand friends in common with the woman writer who posted this and the last time I checked her post had eleven likes from other Facebook users.

At first, I left a comment telling her she was ignorant and wrong. Then I deleted that and left a message about it on my Facebook page with a big F.U. (something I rarely, if ever, do), and then I deleted that too.

When my husband got home from work, I couldn’t even bring myself to tell him what had happened. There is a wound that is caused by people’s ignorance. It is like being bullied. It is like being called names. It is like being an outsider who is misunderstood. Of course, the name for this type of incident is stereotypes and stigma.

People’s ignorance and terrible comments make me feel shame for an illness that I didn’t ask for or do anything to create. Schizophrenia is not a punishment from God or an attack from demons (no matter what some people would have you believe). It is a disease of the brain, just like brain cancer only it doesn’t require chemo or surgery – it disrupts the thought process (a tumor can do that, too). Also, schizophrenia doesn’t equal violence and what does some woman on Facebook know about hearing voices – her words are in reality preposterous.

What gets me about today, was that I lost my cool and that I was ashamed to tell my husband what happened. I didn’t want him to hear about how some people think about me, and people like me. I want my husband to be shielded from the cruel words and beliefs that others hold about my condition.

I want my husband to think the best of me, and I know that he does, because he knows me, loves me, and counts on me almost as much as I count on him. I just couldn’t take having him hear the negative way people think and talk about people with schizophrenia because I have schizophrenia so that woman was saying something about me.

Occasionally, the uphill climb to educate and inform people about my illness is too steep for me to get up. Today, I needed help, and I felt too weak to let the person in who loves me most.

So, does it matter when we stereotype, stigmatize and marginalize people – yes, it matters a lot. Words and actions are significant, and they can pile on injuries to people who have collected injuries all their lives in the same way that other people collect dolls or action figures. In medicine the oath is to do no harm, we should all claim that goal for our interactions. Do no harm. Do no harm. Do no harm.

It has a nice ring to it doesn’t it?

I Have Schizophrenia and Desire Understanding not Pity (Psych Central

30 Monday May 2016

Posted by in bipolar, mental illness, relationships, schizophrenia, stigma, writing

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I hope you will pop over to Psych Central and read my latest blog post. It is about the changing climate of social media and how that impacts how I view myself and my illness.

It is here: http://goo.gl/jmSXLk

Carving Out Some Privacy (Or Not Posting Everything To Social Media)

14 Monday Mar 2016

Posted by in Uncategorized, writing

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Hello. I was gone all weekend celebrating my eighteenth wedding anniversary with my husband.

We didn’t go on a trip. We didn’t buy each other gifts. We didn’t do the “traditional” things people seem to do on a wedding anniversary.

We spent three days in each other’s company. We went to breakfast twice. We walked in the park and on the beach. We bought lots of snacks and binge watched our favorite show while eating comfort food all the while I rested my head on my husband’s chest.

We didn’t post one picture to social media. Why didn’t we post pictures of all that we did? We didn’t post pictures, because we don’t care if people don’t think we have an exciting life. We don’t care if people don’t know that we had an Italian breakfast, or went to one of the restaurants on Diners Drive-Ins and Dives.

I believe the reason we can enjoy each other’s company for three days and think of that as a celebration is because we don’t seek or need the approval of others on social media.

I know how most of my friends celebrate their anniversaries. I know that because they post bouquets of flowers their significant other bought, they post pictures of a meal they either went out to eat or prepared at home. They post pictures of wine bottles, candles, jewelry, or a trip to another city.

Some people on social media (not all, but some) don’t feel as if they have done or been anywhere without posting it on social media to get attention and count the number of “likes.” I don’t know if people post pictures to try and say, “Look at me! I’m important! I have an exciting life!” or if they are so lonely, and attention starved that they need the positive affirmation of a “like” for everything they do.

I feel like I share enough on this blog without sharing pictures of the meals I eat, the places I go, the friends I hang out with, or the trips I go on. I feel like I give people a look into my life and my heart by writing these blog posts. I’m not trying to impress anyone. I’m not trying to show off to anyone. I don’t feel the need to post every experience on social media to prove to myself or anyone else that my life is interesting and full of wonderful adventures.

Every day we get out of bed has the possibility of being a wonderful adventure.

I’m not envious of people who post vacation photos, food photos, or photos out with friends. I simply find myself saying, “That’s not for me,” and living the majority of my life away from the eyes of social media makes things feel very intimate, personal, and deep. I am present for people not a camera.

I just celebrated eighteen years with the love of my life and no cameras were there to document the weekend. With no eyes on us we got to just live life the way that we are – no Photoshop, no worries about lighting, or getting the right angle. We were not on show for three days – no one liked or ignored our pictures or posts. Servers, tourists and other people in our city saw us live and in the flesh. It was real. The weekend happened, but I don’t need to put it on display. It is in my heart from this day forward, and that does more for my happiness and well-being than a thousand pictures on social media.

If you haven’t put down the camera in a while, you may want to try it. You may find you gain more intimacy as you gain more privacy.

 

 

Facebook Statuses I Would Like To See In 2030

27 Wednesday Jan 2016

Posted by in bipolar, hope, mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized, writing

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Facebook status updates I want to see in 2030:

“The state psychiatric facilities are being turned into retirement centers for the elderly. Of course, they’ll add golf, swimming pools, and restaurants.”

“The United States no longer has the highest number of people in prison. Since a cure has been found for so many mental illnesses, the number of inmates has dropped to less than half of previous numbers.”

“Back in 2016, there were thousands of homeless people in the United States. Now all we see are people backpacking around from city to city – travelers have replaced the homeless.”

“Can you imagine what it was like in 2016 when people could buy weapons on the Internet? It must have been terrifying!”

“Can you believe there was a time when some people couldn’t afford their medical treatment? Barbaric!”

“My grandparents had to choose between groceries and medication! How could anyone allow that? Terrible!”

“My parents said when they were younger, that some people didn’t vote! Can you imagine that?”

“It is so nice to see our military rebuilding all our roads and bridges.”

“My mom said the police used to respond to calls regarding the mentally ill. Say what?”

“I heard people used to make fun of mental illness. Wow! Seriously, messed up.”

“There were hate groups in 2016. Damn, I’m glad I live in 2030!”

“Previous generations nearly destroyed our planet. It is a good thing the world came together and made some changes.”

“I read a book today about life in 2016. Man, have we come a long way!”

“I got my shot today. I no longer have schizophrenia.”

 

A Saturday post that has Nothing to do with Schizophrenia

25 Saturday Jul 2015

Posted by in hope, relationships, writing

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Last weekend my husband’s brother, his wife, and two kids came to visit us. They hit terrible traffic and a drive that normally takes three and a half hours took over six. They were tired, grumpy and hungry when they arrived. I’m not much of a cook (okay, I’m not a cook at all) so we decided to treat them to a specialty pizza place a few blocks from our house (they appreciated not getting back in the car).

The pizza place is nothing fancy, but it has really good food – white pizza (which is, if you don’t know, a pizza without the tomato sauce), pizzas with loads of garlic, huge servings of delicious salads (we usually get the Greek one), and they have a variety of very tasty paninis (some vegetarian, some not). They also serve beer and wine.

As we were all sitting at a table waiting for our food to come out, my husband and I were reminiscing about our birthday party two years ago that we had at the pizza place. We remembered the party and its great turn out with fondness. We bought pizza and the first drink for all the attendees, after that, they were on their own.

Just before the food arrived, my husband said to me, “Let’s come here once a week. Let’s make it a standing date night.”

“That sounds fantastic.” I said.

We have been looking for places in our city to frequent often so that the staff will recognize our faces, and possibly after several months, get to know our names. My husband and I are more often than not just faces in the crowd. We are frequently anonymous, and we want to be more of a part of our city and the life that goes on here.

My husband has his job (where of course he is well known), we have a group of friends that we hang out with on a fairly regular basis, I know some writers, and my husband has his regular volunteer work at the soup kitchen (where he is also well know), but the truth is we still spend a lot of time just the two of us together. We want to belong more to our city, and the people who live here.

Last night we went back to the pizza place for our first date night there. The young men who work there are always quick with their smiles (they seems so genuinely happy). I only recognized one of them from when we were there last weekend, and I’m not sure he recognized us.

Since my husband and I went public with my diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia approximately five to six months ago, we have really come out of our protective shell.

In the age of cell phones and selfies, Facebook and Twitter, this is the opposite approach most people are taking. Most people want to create what the world sees of them. We want to look people in the eyes, hear their voices, and make a real connection that has nothing to do with putting on our best face. Our real faces will do. We would like to shake people’s hands, look them in the eyes, and share a few stories or laughs that don’t require hitting a like button.

I guess we want to step back in time a little, leave technology at home, practice our social skills, and be more involved in the vibrant, beautiful, amazing lives that are going on all around us.

If you are out today and you see a woman and man with their heads buried in their phones texting or updating their Facebook status, that isn’t us.

We’ll be the ones talking to servers in restaurants, having a conversation with the cashier, smiling at the people who cross our path, and holding hands and having a conversation about our hopes and dreams. If you see us, stop us, and let’s have a chat, because this is the stuff real life is made of and it won’t be a status on Facebook.

Watch your Mouth and your Fingers

02 Thursday Jul 2015

Posted by in mental illness, writing

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Even though the words crazy, lunatic, insane, nut-job, nut-case, psycho, etc. are derogatory terms used against the mentally ill, I have learned something lately as I have watched people use them over and over again on social media and heard them used over and over again in speech.  The words are used by people who are lazy in their speech and in their writing, or who have a limited vocabulary.

There is nothing descriptive about using the word crazy.  It is often used like this, “That was a crazy night”, or “That shirt looks crazy”, or “That was some crazy stuff right there.” It is the like using the word awesome. It has been so overused that it has become a filler word with little to no meaning. If you are a writer and using those words in any place but dialogue, I would be careful. The writing will be seen as bland (like I said crazy is not really a descriptive word, no one can really tell you what a “crazy” shirt looks like, or what happened on a “crazy” night).

I haven’t really made a difference in the usage of those words by telling people they are offensive to the mentally ill just like using racist and homophobic words are offensive to people of color or gay people.  But maybe if people realize they sound less intelligent and less creative by using those words it will make a difference.

I know when I am reading an essay or even a status update on Facebook when the author writes, “His shirt was blue with penguins on it,” I find it to be far more colorful, creative, and overall better writing than to say, “It was a crazy shirt.”  In the first example, you can imagine the shirt in your mind which is what good creative writing is all about – creating a picture.

We are a long way from people being sensitive to the mentally ill in their writing and in their speech, but I know on social media that people like to create an image of their lives that shows them at their very best all of the time.  They like to take pictures and Photoshop the pictures, they like to have pictures taken when they have had their hair styled, or when they are on vacation. It is all about perception and image. People also like to come across as funny, witty, creative and smart.

No one sounds funny, witty, creative or smart when they use an adjective that is so overused it means nothing (but is offensive to a group of people).  If you really want to be creative find a thesaurus and come up with some descriptive words to describe what you are trying to say or write.

If you give up using those words, you’ll be a better writer/speaker and you will be a better ally to a group that experiences discrimination and stigma every single day.