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A Journey With You

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Piece By Piece Make Your Dreams Come True

05 Saturday Mar 2016

Posted by A Journey With You in hope, mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized, writing

≈ 20 Comments

Tags

Art, bipolar, creative, creative nonfiction, creativity, dream, essays, future, hope, inspiration, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, psychology, schizophrenia], writer, writing

Last night I opened my Facebook page, and I saw three posts on my timeline. One was from my stepbrother’s wife about a fire that had killed her friend’s young nephews. Another post was from a woman waiting to go to the hospital for a liver biopsy, and her only prayer was that the cancer hadn’t metastasized. The last one was from a man that is battling another form of cancer.

I saw many other tragic stories yesterday on social media. My conclusion? People are struggling and life is unpredictable and often short.

My husband and I are fifty and we both have serious health issues, and we frequently say to each other that our dream is to make it a few years into his retirement so we can spend our days together. He will retire in twelve years. It isn’t a given that both of us will make it to our golden years or fulfill our dream.

We need to find a way now, today, this moment to start living a piece of that dream every day. We can’t afford to wait twelve years for a future and dream that may never arrive.

At dinner every night we share the two best things that happened to us during the day. And this is a wonderful practice for looking over even a difficult day and finding something to be thankful for and pleased about. We need to find more practices like that. We need to find ways to carve out time together.

I am home every day. I can easily walk down to my husband’s office and have lunch with him a couple of times a week. I can also walk down a few evenings a week and pick him up so that we can spend the time riding the bus or walking home together.

I am going to think of other ways for us to spend time together and share conversations and bits and pieces of our lives.

If you are waiting for some time in the future to do the things you want to do, my suggestion is to find ways to incorporate your desires into your life right now. You may not be able to do all that you dream at once, but you can start in small ways, with small steps and small chunks of time. If you want to travel, but don’t have any vacation time and little money plan some weekend road trips. If you want to paint or draw or write more, spend less time on social media or less time watching Netflix and create the thing you long to create.

I once won an honorable mention in a short letter writing contest by sending in this, “When it is time to take my final breath, I want the words, thank you, to be on my lips.”

You don’t need to go far to realize that today may be the only day you have. It doesn’t matter if you have schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or any other illness or disability – get the most out of life that you can. Grab the opportunities. Follow the rainbow. Don’t let dreams gather dust. I believe we only get one chance, and I intend to make the most of it. Hop on my caravan and seize the day!

Recipe For Long Lasting Love

16 Tuesday Feb 2016

Posted by A Journey With You in hope, Uncategorized, writing

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

caregiving, communication, compassion, forgiveness, fun, future, hope, ingredients, inspiration, joy, laughter, love, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, recipe, relationship, relationships, silliness, wellness

I wish everyone with a mental illness could find a partner who loves and cherishes them for who they are. Most of the joy I experience in life is from having a relationship with my husband. He provides me stability, endless laughter, and the necessary support to rebuild my life each time it falls apart.

Next month, my husband and I will celebrate our eighteenth wedding anniversary.

Each relationship has its unique recipe and ingredients for making things work. I would say our recipe looks like this:

1 cup forgiveness

1 cup communication

1 cup laughter, silliness, and fun

1 cup hope for the future

1 cup commitment

1 cup support and encouragement for one another

1 cup believing in each other against all odds

1 cup compassion

1 cup caregiving

Mix all ingredients together in a bowl of love. Bake it for as many years as you possibly can – it’s never fully cooked, finished or ready – it is always a masterpiece in progress. You can eat from it year after year, and it will fill you up as it grows larger not smaller with each bite you take.

 

Facebook Statuses I Would Like To See In 2030

27 Wednesday Jan 2016

Posted by A Journey With You in bipolar, hope, mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized, writing

≈ 21 Comments

Tags

bipolar, change, cure, depression, drugs, elderly, Facebook, future, guns, homeless, hope, hospitals, inspiration, Internet, medication, mental illness, mentally ill, police, prison, schizophrenia], social media, writer, writing

Facebook status updates I want to see in 2030:

“The state psychiatric facilities are being turned into retirement centers for the elderly. Of course, they’ll add golf, swimming pools, and restaurants.”

“The United States no longer has the highest number of people in prison. Since a cure has been found for so many mental illnesses, the number of inmates has dropped to less than half of previous numbers.”

“Back in 2016, there were thousands of homeless people in the United States. Now all we see are people backpacking around from city to city – travelers have replaced the homeless.”

“Can you imagine what it was like in 2016 when people could buy weapons on the Internet? It must have been terrifying!”

“Can you believe there was a time when some people couldn’t afford their medical treatment? Barbaric!”

“My grandparents had to choose between groceries and medication! How could anyone allow that? Terrible!”

“My parents said when they were younger, that some people didn’t vote! Can you imagine that?”

“It is so nice to see our military rebuilding all our roads and bridges.”

“My mom said the police used to respond to calls regarding the mentally ill. Say what?”

“I heard people used to make fun of mental illness. Wow! Seriously, messed up.”

“There were hate groups in 2016. Damn, I’m glad I live in 2030!”

“Previous generations nearly destroyed our planet. It is a good thing the world came together and made some changes.”

“I read a book today about life in 2016. Man, have we come a long way!”

“I got my shot today. I no longer have schizophrenia.”

 

The Many Faces Of Shame

13 Wednesday Jan 2016

Posted by A Journey With You in bipolar, hope, mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

≈ 14 Comments

Tags

courage, diagnosis, future, hope, income, inspiration, LGBT, LGBTQ, life, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, secrets, shame, stereotypes, stigma, wellness

All of us imagine, create, and play out all kinds of scenarios and information in our minds that will never happen. We often hold onto beliefs that simply aren’t true, but we are afraid to test them.

For over twenty years I was afraid to reveal my diagnosis. I thought that people would avoid me, I would lose my job (I don’t currently have one), I would be treated differently, and that people would stop trusting my judgment and push my ideas and input aside as someone who is “crazy.” Most of these things haven’t happened, and if they have, it hasn’t been noticeable to me.

I was living with shame.

My husband said that I have gained a significant amount of self-confidence in the time since I came out. I have to say, I feel stronger because my head is not down, and I am not using all that energy to keep people from finding out my secret.

I have noticed this same type of avoidance and secret keeping in other people, and it isn’t just in marginalized populations like LGBTQ, or the mentally ill. People hide other things about themselves, too. One such secret that I see people in my personal life try to keep is the fact that they came from a lower class (economically).

There are people in my life who have become upper middle class, and they are constantly trying to make people believe that they know everything about fashion, food, wine, and the “finer” things in life. They do everything they can to separate themselves from their upbringing.

I came from a small town, and my parents didn’t have much money. Most of our neighbors didn’t have much money either so it didn’t seem unusual at the time. I ended up going to high school overseas and traveling to many city and countries. I never severed the ties between the small town girl and the worldly woman.

I kept both with me, and I have to admit that both of them have served me very well. There are things I learned from not having much money that have made me a more responsible, compassionate, understanding, and capable person. There are things I learned from traveling and my education that have made me more tolerant, less prejudiced, more friendly, and willing to try new things.  One of the most valuable things I learned about not having much is that I don’t need or want much, and it has little to do with happiness.

Personally, I don’t feel shame about where I came from, but I know others do, and I understand the feeling even if I can’t relate to the details.

Coming out of the closet about my diagnosis has made my life better, and it has nothing to do with how other people treat me. It is about letting go of the shame. Releasing all that shame of who you are, what you are, where you come from gives so much life and energy back to you.

I feel like I have claimed me, and I have claimed my life. I feel like instead of a person who is one person in public and another in private, that I am now one stronger, more complete person.

People feel shame for many reasons. I wish they could throw out those feelings of shame and begin to allow others to accept them as they are. Most of us with bumps, bruises, cuts and injuries will welcome the parts of others that they feel are undesirable for whatever reason. Most of us have been there in one form or another, and I hope everyone has the support and desire to join me on the other side of shame because there is acceptance and freedom on the other side.  And it feels good.

 

I Want My Heroes To Be Disabled

10 Saturday Oct 2015

Posted by A Journey With You in bipolar, heroes, hope, mental illness, schizophrenia

≈ 16 Comments

Tags

abled, acitivist, advocacy, Advocate, artists, athletes, balance, bipolar, business, compassion, depression, disabled, equality, essays, future, heroes, hope, inspiration, kindness, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, psychiatry, psychology, schizophrenia, talent, video, viral, writers, writing

Yesterday when I was browsing through Facebook, there was a video/article posted by The Mighty. The Mighty posted the video (that has gone viral) to ask its members how they feel about the video and how they want The Mighty to handle this type of information in the future (meaning do they want us (as members) to see kindness to disabled people as heroism, or should we expect kindness).

I didn’t answer The Mighty on Facebook, but I couldn’t stop thinking about their question and how I feel about it. Yes, the young man in the video did a very kind thing, but it makes me sad that he is being called a hero for being kind. Have we really become so self-centered and cut off from one another that a decent act between two human beings is considered heroism?

Also, he is being considered a hero for comforting a disabled man. This is one more example, in many, where people without a disability get to take credit for being kind to the “other” “lesser” “needy” And in this way I don’t like it at all.

People without disabilities are seen and heard in every public space and in every room. We see them as the lead characters on television. We see them in every job, and at every dance, and at every restaurant, and at every event. They are in magazines, and newspapers, they are in government and in the boardroom. They are not under-represented or invisible. They are not fighting to get access or be heard. They are front and center in our culture. They are always the heroes.

I want to see disabled heroes. I want to see someone with a mental illness win some of the prestigious writing awards and residencies. I want to see people in wheelchairs as CEO’s and covered on the front of major magazines. I want to see disabled entrepreneurs and artists. And I don’t want them to be great, because they are disabled (like isn’t it amazing that someone with a disability can do this? No.)  I want them to be great because they are great. There are many disabled writers, artists, athletes, business people that are worth being spotlighted, because of their accomplishments not because of their disability.

I read an article recently by a disabled young woman and she wrote that “The disabled are not here to inspire you.” I think when considering heroes and success this is important too. Someone with a mental illness isn’t inspirational just because they get out of bed and dress in the morning, or take a shower. The disabled aren’t inspirational just because they have a job.

Disabled people are as competent and talented as anyone else.

When we get to a point when kindness is described as an event between two human beings and not a healthy individual and a “special needs” man, and when we get to the point where the success of the disabled is the norm and not the exception, that is when we have reached a balance and one group isn’t seen by the other as less-than or inspirational just for being.

We have a long way to go.

Everyone Needs a Dream

26 Saturday Sep 2015

Posted by A Journey With You in hope, mental illness, schizophrenia, writing

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

bipolar, chronic illness, depression, disease, dreams, essays, future, happiness, hope, inspiration, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, psychiatry, psychology, schizophrenia, writing

I think it is important to the mind and the heart for each person to have a dream. I think this is vitally important to those living with an illness, and especially those living with a mental illness.

The days can be dark and long if you are battling with depression, paranoia, anxiety, psychosis, etc. Everyone needs a break from the grueling nature of an episode that takes over an otherwise healthy mind.

A dream can be like a salve to an open wound. It can carry you through. It can carry you on. It can get you from one place to another. It can help you soar a little above the earth possibly running your fingers through a cloud. It isn’t like a rainbow, it is a rainbow and the thought of attaining it is your pot of gold.

I have a key sitting on my desk with the word CREATE stamped into it and if I ever achieve my dream, I will pass the key on to another dreamer so they can hold on to the key as a reminder of their dream and when they achieved their goal, they can pass it on again.

I look at my key every day. I want to give it away. I haven’t decided yet who I will give it to, but I often think about it.

It is possible that I will be able to give my key away this week, or next week, or it may not happen until next year or they year after. My personal dream is to publish in one of a dozen places and right now I have five pieces of writing sitting in editor’s or reader’s inboxes at five of those publications.

I may hear back from all of them tomorrow with a “Thanks, but no thanks” or I may not hear from them for a couple of months. If they all say no, I will write, and edit, draft an e-mail and send again. I will repeat the process until I reach that one word, “Yes!”

Other than my marriage vows, it will be the best, yes, of my life.

We all need dreams to pave the way to good days.

A good day is coming and maybe you will receive a key long distance from me.

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