Tag Archives: holiday

Free Gift of Self-Care December 1st – December 25th

30 Friday Nov 2018

Posted by in bipolar, caregivers, mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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December Giving To Anyone with a Chronic or Mental Illness

 

If you are not familiar with an advent calendar, it is a calendar that starts on December 1st and ends on December 25th (Christmas). When I was growing up, we had a felt advent calendar in our living room and the first one to wake up in the morning, removed, the little piece of felt and a picture (like a star, or poinsettia and the day’s date became visible). When my niece and nephew were little, I used to buy them the same type of calendar at Trader Joe’s, and each day they could open the tiny door on the box, and there was a piece of chocolate covering that day’s date. They would eat one piece of chocolate every morning from the 1st to the 25th of December.

Because December and the holidays can be tough on people, especially people with a physical or mental illness, I try to get my husband and me through the season in the best state of mind possible, and one way I do that is to create a twist on the advent calendar every year.

Last year I took twenty-five clothespins and clipped them on a string and hung it across a wall in the living room. I clipped a piece of paper to each pin. On the front of the paper was a number (from 1 to 25) and when my husband opened each piece of paper during December, he found a random act of kindness that he had to complete that day. One day, his act was to open the door for a stranger. Another day it was saying hi to five people he passed on the street. Another day it was leaving a dollar twenty-five in quarters in the laundry room so someone could do a free load of washing.

This year, I am going to take twenty-five envelopes and twenty-five recipe cards. I am going to write an inspirational quote on each of the twenty-five cards, put them in an envelope and number each envelope from 1 to 25. The same idea can be a self-care routine for someone with a chronic physical or mental illness, but instead of inspirational quotes, there can be a five-minute action (some may take more than five minutes) that the person has to complete that day.

Some suggestions for a self-care calendar are: eat one of your favorite foods today, draw a picture, or burn your favorite candle. For someone else it might be, make yourself a cup of tea and stare out the window while you sip it, take a nap, read at least two articles from your favorite magazine, or start a new book. Someone else might like things like, call your best friend, take a social media break, watch an episode of your favorite show, or one of your favorite movies.

There are endless ideas you can use for this gift to your friend or loved one, and the better you know them, the easier it will be for you to come up with ideas for little (or big) things for them to do. If you want to make it even more elaborate, on some days, you might want to include a small gift with the self-care suggestion — for instance, a candle, a book by their favorite author, the latest copy of their favorite magazine. I wouldn’t get carried away though, the beauty of creating this gift is it is in the thought and time spent putting it together. We all know that it is the thought that counts and this gift are thoughts that count (Calendar! Countdown to Christmas!) Okay, I’m better at making holidays special than making puns!

 

A Nostalgic Christmas

24 Sunday Dec 2017

Posted by in bipolar, caregivers, hope, mental illness, relationships, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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My husband and I are sitting in our robes at our computers, listening to Christmas carols. Today is the first time this season I have heard the Christmas songs I grew up with. The songs are full of emotion for me. It started this morning on Snapchat when one of the filters had a halo and wings, and the song playing was Oh Holy Night. Tears filled my eyes and ran down my cheeks. I heard the same song when I clicked on a link from fellow blogger Outofagreatneed’s Facebook page.

It isn’t the songs about jingle bells, or frosty the snowman, or how cold it is outside that get me; it is the religious songs that get me crying. Those songs were such a part of my childhood, and they bring up the most powerful and wonderful memories. It makes me miss the child I used to be and the young version of all my brothers.

I love my life with my husband and the past twenty years with him have been the best of my life, but I have to admit there are things in my childhood that I miss and that I mourn. I miss having my three older brothers around. I miss believing in Santa Claus and magic. I miss my love of Sunday school, and I miss the simplicity of the 60’s and 70’s. I guess I miss being a kid even though my brothers and I had traumatic and tough things to deal with in our youth.

We attended church every Christmas Eve growing up and every year we sang the same songs. When it was time to sing, The First Noel, my oldest brother, Joel (who is seven years my senior), used to tell all of us younger kids that they were singing the FIRST JOEL. All four of us kids would be belting out “The first Joel, the angels did sing!” Joel would have a huge grin on his face when all of us younger kids loudly sang his name.

Not only do the religious songs bring up memories of my innocence and a simpler time, but they also bring up all the hope I have for my life and the lives of others. The songs remind me of all the best messages of a religion I hold dear: all people are created equal (even if they are homeless or have a mental illness), there is forgiveness for all, there is joy, there is the promise of peace. Not to mention a belief that I will someday see my beloved grandparents, and other people who have passed before me. Equality. Hope. Joy. Forgiveness. Meaning. Eternity. Love. Peace. Not a bad way to focus a troubled mind.

So, as I sing off key and loudly in my condominium this Christmas feeling both triumphant and nostalgic, I hope that a part or a piece of the season I celebrate enters your heart – imagine, equality. Imagine peace. Think love.

Merry Christmas from a very sentimental blogger who dares to hope for a better life for all – next year and all the years to come.

 

Mental Health, The Holiday Edition

23 Saturday Dec 2017

Posted by in bipolar, caregivers, hope, mental illness, relationships, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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It’s the holidays! Time for giving. Time for eating. Time for music and all forms of goodwill.

*(If you are someone that experiences sadness or depression this time of year, I’ve had years like that, too. I suggest binge-watching good movies with your favorite snacks piled high on the bed, or if you can get out and enjoy some natural beauty, that can help too. Please just know, that the season will be over soon, and the days will start to get lighter with more sunshine (and unless you live in Southern California, more sunshine is always a good thing).

We have a little tree up. It is a replica of the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree in the classic Peanuts special. My mom gave us the DVD several years ago, and we watch it at least once a year. I am always surprised by the part where Linus gives his speech about the true meaning of Christmas during the Christmas play. Because I am Christian, I love that part of the show, but I am surprised that children’s programs (watched by the majority of Americans during the 70’s) contained Christian messages.

Before my Grandfather died, he used to say, “I am ready to go to heaven. Most of my friends are there, and I don’t recognize this world anymore.”  When I think of my childhood, I feel a little bit like my Grandfather – there is so much that has changed. Huge changes have occurred in our society, and I feel nostalgic at times. For example, growing up we knew all of our neighbors and spent time in their company and their homes. I currently live in a condo with 16 other households, and I have never been invited into any of their units.

I wonder what my Grandfather would say about computers and smartphones? I am certain he would feel even more disconnected and isolated from a world that is changing so quickly. My mom, who will be 80 this year, bought a smartphone years before me. She sends me Snapchats every day and follows all my brothers on Instagram (a platform I am not even on). Even though I refused to buy a smartphone until this year; I think it is important to know things about each generation. I don’t mean that we have to do everything that each new generation of young people does, but we have to do some things. I try to read some of the articles and books that they are producing so that I can stay connected to changing language (like all the words we said before the 90’s that are no longer acceptable and all the new additions like nonbinary, gender neutral, etc.)

I recently saw a video posted by another blogger I follow (shout out to Outofgreatneed), that contained research about young people and technology. There is a large rise in depression among teenagers, and it appears to be linked directly to how much time they spend on their phones. I don’t know if it is the constant comparison of our lives to one another or the fact that staring at a screen is such a passive activity. The study didn’t say what it is about our smartphones that is making children more depressed; they only tied the increase in depression to the amount of time spent on the device.

So, how can we help people who were born into a different world feel connected, appreciated and important, this time of year and going forward? If they want to, we can be patient enough to help them learn new technologies. If they don’t want to do that, we can at a minimum, put our phones down when talking to them and look them in the eyes. Have you ever noticed that when you look someone in the eyes, it helps you to know how that person is feeling? Eyes, rarely lie.

It’s the holiday season, and like most people, I want to experience the magic of the season. That magic is diminished though if so many of us are feeling depressed and unwell. I’m not saying that the 70’s or any period before now was ideal or perfect, but we had some things right, some things that didn’t need to be altered or changed. I’m going to invite my neighbors to do more things with me in the New Year, and hopefully, when I write you at the end of 2018, I will know what some of their homes look like and more importantly what is on their minds and in their hearts.

If you celebrate, then Merry Christmas! If you don’t, then happy holidays! I wish us all a healthy and happy New Year!

 

Public Service Announcement (PSA) About Medications During Holiday Travel

04 Monday Dec 2017

Posted by in bipolar, caregivers, mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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This blog post is a public service announcement (PSA).

I know that many of us with a mental illness or other disability don’t travel much because we can’t afford it, or because of all the details that go into it, or the fear of being far from our doctors, or a familiar pharmacy, etc. But we do travel, and this time of year more people are traveling than ever.

My husband’s father and his wife came to visit from overseas. They arrived on Friday night. So far we do not know where their luggage is. Thankfully, they put a week’s worth of medication in their carry-on, but they are staying for three months, and the remaining pills are in their checked bags. If you have an illness that requires you to take medications every day and you are traveling, never put your medication in your checked luggage. I always separate my medication into two groups. I put enough to get me through the vacation or trip in both places. I put one group in my purse and the other group in my carry-on. I always take twice as much medication as I need.

We took my in-laws to our pharmacy last night and asked what we needed to do to get them more medication if the airline is unable to locate their luggage. The pharmacist said that they couldn’t accept prescriptions from overseas so we will need to make an appointment and have my in-laws see a doctor here for new prescriptions. Obviously, this takes time, effort, and money. This is not what you want to be doing when you are far from home.

I know we will be able to take care of this situation for my in-laws (thank goodness), but not without stress, worries, etc. Also, it is possible we will need to go to a couple or a few doctors before one will prescribe medication to someone they don’t know. UGH.

Traveling can be a rewarding experience for anyone, but it can be particularly rewarding if you have a mental illness and you find your world is shrinking (my doctor has said this is what is happening to me – doing less, and less, taking fewer and fewer risks and trying fewer and fewer things). I need to take the opportunity to travel to open up my world, but there is a lot of planning that goes into taking a trip for me, and I can easily say that the handling of my medications is the top priority.

One last thing about this, if you live in a disaster zone, please keep an emergency kit by your door with at least a week’s worth of medication in it. I live in earthquake country, and I keep some cash, copies of my ID, and a week or more worth of medication in a bag in the hallway by the door.

Having a chronic illness of any kind takes so much work and care. It isn’t enough to simply get a diagnosis, take your medications, and visit your doctor every six months. There is a lot of work that goes into managing an illness, and I hope we can all be successful at it because our health and possibly our life depends on it.

A Smile for Service Workers this Holiday Season

28 Tuesday Nov 2017

Posted by in relationships, Uncategorized

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Last night my husband and I went to the grocery store. I feel like I should tell you that I was hungry, the store was packed, and the lines were long. I feel like I should tell you that so you don’t think I am a horrible person, but that is the problem with this story. I’m not a horrible person and so frequently online, and in person, people will make you feel like you are horrible for the slightest things – one tiny misstep and you are someone marginalizing other people.

Here is what happened: I was walking through a crowded store with my husband looking for tea. I saw one of the men who works at the store stocking boxes, and I said, “Where is the tea?” He said, “Hi.” I said, “Do you know where the tea is?” He said, “Hi.” I finally figured out what he was trying to do and I laughed a little and said, “Okay, hi. Do you know where the tea is?” My laughter wasn’t because I thought what he did was funny. I thought what he did was try to force me to behave in a way that he preferred. Now, I know greeting someone before you ask them a question is a polite thing to do, but honestly, I wasn’t trying to be rude. I was asking a question of someone who worked in the store.

I feel like the man was trying to “teach” me some manners. I felt a little shamed and like a child. I also feel like if he can’t handle being asked where something is without a “proper” greeting, he probably shouldn’t work in a grocery store. I can’t be the only person who asked him the location of a product without saying hello that day. But, that being said, he was right. I should have greeted him first. I should always have the time and make an effort to recognize people’s humanity before asking or expecting something from them.

Honestly, I think you can tell the character of a person by how they treat people who are “serving” them – like in a restaurant. I try to be polite to everyone who serves me. I say please and thank you, and tip well at the end of the meal. I don’t think anyone is beneath me. Of course, the man in the store’s point hit me so hard that the next time I ask someone in a store a question, you can bet that I will greet them first. I think greeting someone first is a good policy, but I feel like we need to have some tolerance for people’s missteps, or mistakes without shaming them (I have written about not shaming people many times).

I guess I should be thankful that I now know that some people working at the grocery store feel mistreated by customers (although I always think of restaurant workers when I think of bad clientele, I never thought of a grocery store as having demanding or demeaning customers on a regular basis).

It is Christmas time, and it is a difficult time to be someone in the service industry, so I hope that my little story here will remind you that people are people and need to be treated with respect even when we are hungry, in a hurry or a bad mood. I just hope you don’t get forced or shamed into treating them that way – hopefully, the joy of the season will infect you, and you will naturally and spontaneously treat everyone with kindness, compassion, patience, and love.

People Magazine

24 Thursday Dec 2015

Posted by in hope, mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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The letter I wrote to Santa last week was posted on People Magazine’s website. You can check out the article here.

I am spending the day with family and friends. I hope you are, too.

I’ll be back on Saturday with a troubling story, but one I think needs to be discussed.

If you celebrate the holiday, Merry Christmas!

 

 

The Power of Hello (revisited)

18 Friday Dec 2015

Posted by in hope, mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized, writing

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Fridays are the days my husband cooks for the homeless and low income. Today is a special Friday because not only will my husband and the other volunteers be serving up a hot meal, they will be giving out Christmas gifts – tarps, blankets, flashlights, etc. And my husband and a few other people made their annual 100 loaves of banana bread and put a red bow on them to give out as well.

Thinking about the homeless at Christmas time made me think about Brian.  I wrote the following post about him months ago. Wherever you are Brian, I’m wishing you health and happiness and a warm bed this holiday season.

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Yesterday afternoon my husband and I were sitting around the house when I said, “Let’s go up to Starbucks to get out of the house.”

We walked up to Starbucks and while I ordered us an Arnold Palmer (black tea and lemonade) my husband found us a table. I saw that he had chosen one of the few empty tables next to a homeless man. I waited for our drink and then joined him.

I took out an essay I was trying to revise and said, “This is hard for me to rework. I understood immediately what the editor wants, but actually editing this and making it better is tough.”

The homeless man sitting in the corner said, “Are you a writer?”

“Yes.” I answered him.

“How many books do you have?”

“I have one book that I wrote by myself, and my husband and I published an anthology of fifteen poets. So, I guess I kind of have two books.”

“I am a writer too.” He said.

“What do you write?” He asked me.

I had often told people I write poetry and essays but I had never told them what the poetry and essays were about.  I made a guess about this man sitting near us, and decided to answer him honestly.

“I used to write poetry, but now I write essays about living with paranoid schizophrenia.”

“I was diagnosed with that too.” He said.

“What do you write?” I asked.

“My next book is going to be about the power of hello.”

My husband and I agreed that the power of hello was an excellent topic for a book. He told us his name, Brian.  He recited a poem he wrote in high school that he said was published. We talked about Frank Lloyd Wright, Hillary Clinton, Monty Python Movies, a British television show, and how he was going back to Michigan at the end of the month.

“How will you get to Michigan?” I asked.

“The city has this program. If you do some community service they will buy you a bus ticket to wherever you want to go.”

“Is someone in Michigan waiting for you?” I asked.

“My father, he is eighty-five.”

Brian said he had some really expensive Coach glasses.  He took them out of a bag and showed them to us.  They were pink and maroon. My husband and I told him they were nice. Brain said he thought they were worth a lot of money. Then he handed them to me and said, “Here, I want you to have these.”

I tried to refuse the glasses. I told him I didn’t have any money to give him for them. He said, “A gift is a gift. I don’t need any money.”

A gift is not just a gift when it is one of the few things you have.

I hope Brian writes that book about the power of hello.  I know his experience on the streets has taught him that most people won’t even look you in the eye. I also hope he takes that bus to Michigan, and receives the care and treatment he needs.

I’ll keep the glasses. I’ll fix them up with my prescription. I’ll wear them as a reminder of Brian, our shared illness, and I’ll try never to forget the power of hello.

Focus On Retail Workers

14 Monday Dec 2015

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Today I will be making snowman cupcakes, brownies shaped like Christmas trees, reindeer cookies, and star and angel shaped mints. The ingredients for these holiday treats are just a few of the things my husband and I have purchased lately. We also bought craft supplies to make 16 coworkers holiday gifts (just something small), stocking stuffers for each other and for my parents, and ingredients for my husband to make his annual 100 mini loaves of banana bread for the homeless. Of course while we were out, we picked up a few things for the house and for ourselves.

That is a lot of shopping. I think it is accurate to say that is at least 10 times more shopping than we do most other months of the year. During this time of year, when I am checking out at a store, I always ask the cashier, “Are you super busy today?” Of course, they almost always say, “Yes.” Then I ask them, “Are people being nice to you?”  They usually tell me that people are being nice to them. Then I say, “Because people can be rude this time of year when they are looking for sales, spending so much money, hurrying to this party or that one.” Then they usually open up and tell me about how rude and mean some customers are to them.

I know it doesn’t seem like much to remember to be nice to the people who work in shops, malls, grocery stores this time of year. But it could make a difference for someone who may be struggling with seasonal depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, autism, cancer, heart disease, diabetes, etc. This is the busiest time of year for anyone working in retail. People with retail jobs are probably working long hours, dealing with every kind of person imaginable, and they are told to keep their cool, and keep a smile on their face. It cannot be easy to provide good customer service to everyone who walks through the door. And of course one in four of them are struggling with a mental illness, and many of them have other chronic illnesses.

It is hard to get out of bed every day. It is even harder to get out of bed, get yourself ready and go to a job. It is tough to put in 4-10 hours. It gets harder still when your job is dealing with the public. It gets more difficult still, when that public can be grumpy or rude because there are longer lines than normal, gifts are expensive, shops are crowded, some items they want may sell out, they may not have the money to spend but they feel they have to.

I know it is the season of giving and people do remarkable things for one another this time of year. I know there is more generosity and kindness in the air than at any other time or season. I also believe there is some magic to be experienced. But at the same time, people can forget that wonderful spirit when they walk into a store and start shopping. I’m just asking that we remember those people who work their tails off during the holidays and extend some of the wonder to them and joy to them.

If you believe our actions send out ripples into the world then start a chain reaction of kindness, compassion, peace and love – imagine how many people retail workers see every day and how many people they can pass the ripple onto. You may be the one who starts the ripple that changes a life or lives. We have the power to make the world better, let’s use it.

Christmas Gifts From Me To You

12 Saturday Dec 2015

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Buying Christmas gifts makes me feel good. I would be happy if I could afford to buy all of you a gift this year. I would even be happy if I had all of your addresses and could send you all a card. I can’t do either of these things, but I put together this list of freebies for you, and I am hoping you will download, or sign up to receive at least one of them. If you do receive one of them, please put it under the tree with a tag on it that says, Merry Christmas, from Rebecca!

  1. Free Blog Planner http://avirtuouswoman.org/free-blog-planner/
  2. Free Blog Planner http://eliteblogacademy.com/free-blog-planner/
  3. Free Blogging Printables http://cortinsession.com/free-blogging-printables-2015-blog-planner/
  4. Free Adult Coloring Pages http://www.easypeasyandfun.com/free-coloring-pages-for-adults/
  5. Free Zen and Anti-Stress Coloring Pages http://www.coloring-pages-adults.com/coloring-zen/
  6. Free Kindle Books on Amazon http://www.amazon.com/b?node=2245146011
  7. Free Magazines http://freebies.about.com/od/booksmagazines/fl/free-magazines.htm
  8. Free Online Classes http://www.openculture.com/freeonlinecourses
  9. Free Writing Courses http://study.com/articles/10_Universities_Offering_Free_Writing_Courses_Online.html
  10. Free Newsletters (Best of) http://greatist.com/discover/subscribe-to-these-newsletters
  11. Daily Devotionals (Best of) https://www.biblegateway.com/devotionals/
  12. Daily Motivational Quotes http://www.daily-motivational-quote.com/
  13. A little Bit of This and A little Bit of That (You can sign up for the free products and donate them to a homeless shelter if you can’t use them.) http://www.totallyfreestuff.com/
  14. Poem-A-Day https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem-day
  15. Free e-books http://www.bookrix.com/books.html

 

Being Mentally Ill And The Holidays

19 Thursday Nov 2015

Posted by in bipolar, hope, mental illness, relationships, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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Thanksgiving is one week away. I don’t know how it happened, but the holidays are here, and the stress of the holidays is about to go into fifth gear. The goal of anyone with a mental illness should be to keep it in neutral and coast down the hill to the New Year without anxiety, depression, paranoia, psychosis, or any other symptom (all of which can be made worse by stress).

As we move into the most stressful, and for many people depressing, time of the year please take care of yourself. No matter which holidays you celebrate (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanza, The New Year), remember what the meaning behind these holidays are – gratefulness, hope, joy, peace, love, new beginnings, etc.) .  Try to focus on the bigger picture and not on the little things.

There have been many years when I have bought the most beautiful holiday cards, and I didn’t address or send one of those cards. I had the best intentions, but I failed at completing the task.

There have been many years when I bought all the ingredients to make five to ten holiday cookies to give out to coworkers and friends, and by the next holiday, I ended up throwing all the ingredients away.

There have been many years when I thought I would buy all my friends a holiday gift, but it ended up being too expensive to get them anything that wasn’t going to end up in the trash.

For people with a mental illness, the holidays can seem overwhelming and filled with high hopes, and big failures. These failures can end up making us feel worse about ourselves. All of this coupled with the social events or gatherings with family and friends that are not pleasant for everyone. Not everyone has good family relationships, and for all of us, extra people and social interactions mean added stress.

My holiday wish list for you:

That you will know you are enough with or without gifts.

That you will remember that taking care of yourself is a loving act.

That you will find joy in the little things like candy canes, mocha, or eggnog.

That you will remind yourself of all the things you have to be thankful for.

That you will know that at least one other person is thankful for you.

That you will feel the magic of the season in someone’s smile, or small act of kindness.

That you will feel like sharing part of what you have with someone less fortunate.

That your heart will grow bigger with compassion, empathy, and love for you fellow human beings.

I wish you the best holiday season you have ever had and I pray that means you are symptom free so you can enjoy some of the best ideas that life has to offer – joy, peace, hope, love.

I will be here on A Journey with You if you need me.