• About
  • My Portfolio of Clips

A Journey With You

~ surviving schizophrenia

A Journey With You

Tag Archives: jesus

In This Horrible Mess, I Will Continue To Find Two Good Things

25 Thursday Feb 2016

Posted by A Journey With You in bipolar, mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

abortion, christianity, decency, disease, dumping, essay, homeless, inhumane, jesus, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, pregnancy, psychiatric, psychiatry, schizophrenia], schizophrenics, severe mental illness, Treatment, writer, writing

At dinner, my husband and I tell each other two good things that happened during our day. Yesterday, I told him, the love note he left for me in the little mailbox I keep on my writing desk, and having lunch with a friend, were the best things that happened to me. Then I told him, other than that, it was a depressing, infuriating, sad day.

It seemed like everywhere I looked yesterday the topic of schizophrenia or mental illness came up. There was an article about the woman who was pushing her dead child in a swing for two days. It turns out she has schizophrenia and was noncompliant with her medication.

There was an article written by a man with schizophrenia who claimed in the first sentence of his essay that schizophrenia was the worst illness you could have. The writer went on to write about his need for forced medication. It was a story that I found stigmatizing.

Then there was the article written by a fairly well-known writer that made sweeping generalizations about all people with schizophrenia, and she referred to us repeatedly as “schizophrenics” which is a term that most people with schizophrenia dislike because it puts the illness before the person. In other words, it identifies a person by their illness rather than by the millions of other things they are, like, do, talents they have, their career, or whatever.

On a Facebook status a woman wrote that calling someone mentally ill was the “most malicious and vile slur imaginable.”  (I probably don’t need to point out that one in four Americans are mentally ill and we don’t consider our disease a slur).

But there are two things that topped off the day. I read an article about “dumping” where psychiatric facilities put chronically medically ill people on a bus and ship them to California. They do not send them to California to be with relatives or to go to a treatment center; they send them to California, so they are out of their cities and towns and not “cluttering up their streets.”

I almost can’t continue typing at this point. We, those of us with a severe mental illness, are the unwanted, the eye-sores, the throwaways, the not-to-be-seen, less-than-human, people that are being put on buses so people can get rid of us.

All of this was enough for me for one day. I decided to read a book about Jesus. I was reading the book, The Jesus I Never Knew, by Philip Yancey and on page 32 the author writes about Mary being pregnant and how she was an unwed teenager and how today, that pregnancy would probably lead to abortion. Then I read this, “…and her talk of having conceived as a result of the intervention of the Holy Ghost would have pointed to the need for psychiatric treatment, and made the case for terminating her pregnancy even stronger.”

There is so much I can say about that quote. I will let you think about it though, and simply ask this question, “Do most people believe that women with a mental illness should terminate their pregnancies?”

With so much stigma, so much misinformation, so much fear, so much inhumanity, so much misunderstanding, so much disdain, I don’t always know how to put one foot in front of the other. I don’t always know how to shake all this stuff off. I don’t always know how to keep my head up and keep going.

People talk about the horror of kicking a puppy, the cruelty of hurting something so vulnerable and innocent. For one hour, for one day, let’s talk about the cruelty inflicted on the mentally ill. It’s real, do you find that as disturbing as kicking a puppy?

At dinner tonight, I will search for the two best things that happened today, so I can keep up my husband’s and my nightly ritual, but so that you know, those two things don’t outweigh the truth about how many severely mentally ill are treated. Finding two things right with my day doesn’t overshadow all that is wrong.

 

I Am Not Demon Possessed, And It Is Ignorant And Cruel To Say Otherwise

11 Monday Jan 2016

Posted by A Journey With You in bipolar, heroes, hope, mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized, writing

≈ 35 Comments

Tags

christ, christianity, demon possession, demons, hope, jesus, love, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, religion, schizophrenia], writer, writing

I rarely write about politics or religion. In fact, I keep my political views and my religious views fairly private. I doubt many of you know that I am a Christian, but I am. I’m not the kind of Christian that preaches to anyone. I’m not the kind of Christian that calls people sinners. I’m not the kind of Christian that talks about my faith at all unless it is with my husband or with my aunt or my mom.

I am going to write about religion today, though. Normally, I wouldn’t do anything to hurt the reputation of the church or Christians in general, but I sincerely hope this serves as a smack down to Christians everywhere that push the most vulnerable of our society away from the doors of a church.

You see, I have schizophrenia, and today, a relatively popular blogger wrote about “double-mindedness” saying that you can’t have Scripture in your mind and believe in evolution at the same time and that to do so would be like having schizophrenia. I wrote to this blogger and told him he had a misunderstanding of schizophrenia and that it wasn’t like that at all. He replied to me by telling me to show him someone with schizophrenia and he would show me someone who is demon possessed and that a person like that has no Scripture in them.

I wrote back that I have schizophrenia, and I am a Christian.

What happened today is not the first time that someone acting as a “teacher” of God’s word has said something against me or other people with a mental illness.

Let me tell you what I believe. I believe in a man named, Jesus. I believe that he was radical. I believe he was a champion of the poor, the marginalized – the sick, the elderly, the widows, etc. I believe he was kind, compassionate, strong, and loving. I believe I am exactly the kind of person he would have included and not excluded.

Telling me that I am demon possessed because I have schizophrenia is like telling me that God hates me. Look, I pray. I have prayed not to have schizophrenia, but I gave up those prayers. Illness is a part of life and not a punishment from God. I don’t believe just because I have a mental illness, and you don’t, that God is more present or alive in you than in me. If anything, if you are turning vulnerable people away from seeking refuge in the church, I believe you are the one who is empty of the spirit of God.

I have met so many Christians that say they love Jesus yet victimize the very people he came to save. If you don’t care for the poor, the sick, the needy, the marginalized then you don’t know Jesus – that is a fact, plain and simple. He didn’t bring us the Old Testament with an eye for an eye a tooth for a tooth and all of that. He brought us the new covenant, and it is about radical love.

You see, I know a thing or two about Jesus. He is my king and my hero. He wouldn’t allow me to be demon possessed and for you to say otherwise proves to me we don’t worship the same God.  I know I am not perfect, but I know that I am loved.

And just for a little reality check, if I have demons how come medication kicks their ass?

I Don’t Know Everything About Schizophrenia, But Trust What Works For Me

19 Saturday Dec 2015

Posted by A Journey With You in mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

≈ 14 Comments

Tags

espisodes, jesus, kundalini, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, psychosis, psychotic, religious experiences, schizophrenia, television, Treatment, voices, western medicine, writer, writing, yoga

I finished watching the series, River, on Netflix. After I had watched two episodes I wrote about it on Psych Central.  

Now that I have finished the series, I feel like, “Yeah, I wish that my experience was like his. I wish that I could treat the voices I hear when I am psychotic by talking to people, or learning how to handle the voices, or learning what they represent in my life: pain, loss, regret, self-loathing, etc.”

On social media (mostly Twitter) people often send me “natural” ways to heal schizophrenia, or they send me articles where the author states that a psychotic episode is similar to a Kundalini awakening. (Here is a short article on it, but usually people send much lengthier ones).

Not only would I love to treat my voices by talking back to them or discovering their meaning in my life, I would also love to be enlightened. No one wants these things more than me, but the truth is, the voices I hear often turn threatening (not toward others, but toward me) and I am afraid to try these techniques because what if I lose a battle with the voices and end up dead? Was going against “the medical establishment” that people often write to me about claiming it is killing me and a big scam, really worth it if I am no longer living? No. The answer is, no.

I can’t tell other people how to treat their mental illness. I can’t say what does, and what doesn’t work for others. I can’t say that a “Kundalini awakening” is a mental illness (maybe it is, and maybe it isn’t).

What I can say is that I have had some amazing insights into religion and life while I was psychotic (much of what happens when I am psychotic is simply nonsense or terrifying), and those insights have stayed with me. I say that to prove that I don’t have all the answers to mental illness. The fact that so many people believe they are Jesus when they are psychotic means something. I am not willing to speculate on what that means, because I don’t know. I don’t know why most of my episodes are highly religious in nature, and others describe this too. I’m not sure why that is. You’ll have to consider it for yourself.

I do know that I wish people trusted me to find my own path with my schizophrenia. I believe that I need to take medications in order to live the best life I can. I can respect that some people don’t believe that. Okay, then… you go your way, and I’ll go mine. I’m taking my chances on the treatment that has saved my life more than once.

Believe me, I would love to try something else and be successful, but I’m not willing to risk my life and relationships for it. Some people believe the medical profession is trying to kill me, but I know I would be dead without it.

 

Street Teachers

22 Thursday Oct 2015

Posted by A Journey With You in hope, writing

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

bible, christianity, generosity, giving, homeless, hope, inspiration, jesus, life, love, poor, spirituality, street, writing

Mark 12:41-44 New International Version (NIV)

41 Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. 42 But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents.

43 Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. 44 They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”

My husband went to the drug store to pick up my medications, some toilet paper, eye drops, and a few other things. As he was walking into the front door, a man sitting on the sidewalk with his back resting against the wall said, “Hey man, can you spare any change?” My husband searched his pockets.

“I don’t have any right now. Maybe on the way out. Wait. I am using a credit card. Sorry.” My husband said.

“Can you buy me a sandwich?” The man asked.

“I’ll see what I can do.” My husband said.

In the store, my husband picked up the few things we needed and then went to the refrigerator section to look for a sandwich. The only food there was frozen food, so he went to where the chips and nuts are shelved. He found a box of granola bars, and placed it in his basket then went to the pharmacy to pick up my pills and to pay for all the items.

On the way out of the store he approached the man sitting down who was talking to a man standing next to him. My husband handed the man sitting down the box of granola bars. “They didn’t have any sandwiches so I bought you these. I don’t know if they are good, but I hope so.”

The man sitting said, “Thank you, man. These are great. I appreciate it.”

The man standing said, “You bought him those? That’s cool. Those are good.”

The man sitting ripped open the box, took out a granola bar, and offered it to the man standing next to him. “”Here, have one.” He said.

Jesus was Nowhere to be Found

15 Wednesday Jul 2015

Posted by A Journey With You in bipolar, hope, schizophrenia, stigma

≈ 46 Comments

Tags

bipolar, christ, christianity, Christmas, church, family, homeless, hope, inspiration, jesus, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, Pastor, poor, psychiatry, psychology, schizophrenia

About ten years ago, I attended the Methodist church in the city where my husband and I were living. It was Christmas time and my parents were visiting from Arizona. The four of us decided to attend the midnight service at the church.

We arrived and the huge altar looked stunning covered in the bright red leaves of poinsettias. The stained glass windows didn’t have the sun shining through, but even the darkness of the night outside couldn’t mask their beauty. The choir, all in white robes, looked angelic, their voices filling the sanctuary.

It was Christmas and I looked forward with anticipation to hear the hope of the sermon and to sing all the carols that I loved as a child.

Christmas always brings back memories of my brothers and I when were kids. During church, my oldest brother, Joel, would tell us, his younger siblings, that the song Noel was really, Joel. So, all four of us kids would sing JOEL at the top of our lungs.  After church we were allowed to open one present and then we had to go to bed so Santa could visit. We were poor when I was little, but I never knew that, there were always presents stretching way into the living room. It was magical, it was wonderful, and it was Christmas.

It was with the heart of a child that I went to church that night. We sat in the balcony, because there was no room left below. Before the pastor started the sermon he talked to the congregation about the life of the church community, available Bible studies and upcoming rummage sales. Then he told a joke. It started out with the song bipolar people sing at Christmas (I can’t remember the punch line) and it ended with “Schizophrenics sing, Do you hear what I hear?”

I sat in that balcony in pain and shock. At the time, I still had the diagnosis of Bipolar, and I thought to myself, “If people like me are not allowed in church, where are we allowed?  If church isn’t safe, where can we find safety?”

One time a homeless man had come into the church and sat down in a pew. He started talking a little during the sermon, and he was obviously making the congregants nervous. Men from the church immediately went into action and removed him.  I thought to myself, “The weak, the sick, the needy, the poor are not welcome here. Jesus doesn’t live here anymore.”

While we were singing Silent Night outside of the church in the court yard, I eyed the pastor.  After the song was over, I approached him. “I am bipolar.” I said.  If people like me are not welcome in the church, where are we welcome?”  He was a very powerful man in the community, and very politically motivated. He said something and then turned away from me.

Not everyone who leads a church, or claims to be Christian, follows Christ. I can assure you that many of them know the teachings of Jesus but deny his words. It was a revelation to me. I’m not always welcome in church, but I know one thing for sure, If I’m not welcome and the homeless are not welcome, neither is the revolutionary that we follow.

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Categories

Top Posts & Pages

  • You don't Speak for me
  • A Character With Schizophrenia
  • Dr. Phil and Sensationalism
  • Taking my Schizophrenia Back to Work
  • Everywhere I Look a Metaphor
Follow A Journey With You on WordPress.com

A Journey With You

A Journey With You

Social

  • View A Journey With You’s profile on Facebook
  • View @wr8ter’s profile on Twitter
  • View Rebecca Chamaa’s profile on Pinterest

Most Popular Recent Posts

  • None

Blog at WordPress.com.