Tag Archives: LGBTQ

Self-Help, Progress, and Schizophrenia

06 Tuesday Mar 2018

Posted by in mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized

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I bought two new journals. I have dozens of blank journals with monsters, flowers, and quotes on the covers, for me to fill the pages of, but these two new journals are not blank. One is, Start Where You Are: a Journal for Self-Exploration and the other is, 52 Lists for Happiness.

I don’t know why I am such a sucker for happiness related books, journals, exercises, etc. I don’t think I am unhappy. In fact, I feel happy most of the time. If there were something I would like to improve in my life, it is two symptoms of schizophrenia and the lower back pain I feel. The two symptoms of schizophrenia I would like to lessen are anxiety (because this impacts every area of life) and a lack of motivation. The lower back pain needs no further explanation.

There are all kinds of happiness books. Why is happiness such a big industry in the United States? Is it because most people are not happy? I think that happiness books are like coloring books or self-help books (of any variety). According to Quartz, Goodreads data suggests it is mostly women who read them. (In 2017 self-help was an eleven billion dollar industry.) Maybe we think there must be a way to be happier than we are. Is it the comparisons we make on our social media accounts? Sally and Jessica always seem so much happier than I feel, maybe there is a secret to it, so we consume yet another thing trying to make our way to an ever elusive place of happiness.

The fact that I buy these happiness (self-help) books proves that I am unremarkable. I am an average, college educated, middle-aged, married, middle income, woman, living in an urban environment, and I do average, middle-aged, married, middle income, college educated, urban dweller, woman like-things. The only thing that stands out about me is that I have schizophrenia (of course, this is overly simplistic, there are a million little things about me that make me unique). But the point is, all the stereotypes about schizophrenia don’t leave room, or space, for the truth about the people who live with it. And there are many truths.

Stereotypes are tricky because there is often a small bit of reality to them that make them stick. For instance, has any mass shooter ever had schizophrenia? Yes. Has anyone with schizophrenia ever worn a tin foil hat? Yes. Has a person with schizophrenia ever been violent? Yes. But, are we referring to the majority of people with schizophrenia? No. In fact, those stereotypes refer to a very small number of people with the disease/disorder. Saying these things are true of everyone with schizophrenia is the same as saying all people with schizophrenia are middle-aged women – obviously not even close to true.

There is so much to learn about marginalized people. I never tire of reading articles about people with disabilities, the nuances of racism, the language and struggles of the LGBTQ community and all the articles/work coming out about feminism. This is one of the most frightening (bigoted, misogynistic, homophobic, racist) times I can remember living in, but at the same time, there is so much progress by some groups to further our understanding, our acceptance, and the very civil rights of various groups. I hope that schizophrenia doesn’t get left in the dust. I hope that those of us with schizophrenia will keep in step with other marginalized groups and find our feet further along the path; the path that leads to better lives for all of us.  Somewhere in that statement, there is happiness.

 

Not One of Us but All of Us

31 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by in bipolar, caregivers, hope, mental illness, relationships, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized

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Yesterday while I was on Facebook, a picture of a man dressed all in tinfoil popped up in my newsfeed. Above the picture a friend of mine wrote, “There sure is a huge population of unmedicated paranoid schizophrenics in this world–sadly, with the Internet, and social media, they now feed each others’ delusions. Maybe I’m just paranoid?”

When I first saw this post, it stung. The man who wrote the post is gay, and common sense would say that a person who belongs to a stigmatized and oppressed group would have sympathy and empathy for another group of people who face some of the same challenges.

In the black community, some people use the word “woke” or “staywoke” to mean being aware of the issues in the community. The word or phrase has recently become popular across the Internet and with teenagers. Although the original meaning had to do with racial issues, it has now morphed into meaning staying aware of social issues. An interesting progression of the use of the word or phrase is in Fusion.

I don’t think that I am “woke” about all social issues. I don’t always catch a racist situation on television or in other media. I am not the person who can point to every gender stereotype in a movie or book. I’m not always up to date on the issues that still put the LGBTQ community at risk of discrimination. The point is I try, though. I care about all people and their civil rights and their right to live and shop and be safe without harassment. I believe in liberty and justice for all.

How do I try? I listen. I read. I read books from people who are a part of these oppressed communities. I actively seek friends on social media that have different experiences than I do. I watch what they post. I read articles that are important to them. I try to become increasingly more educated, sensitive and aware.

I am not perfect, and I don’t expect anyone else to be perfect. I ask for patience from the people who belong to communities where I don’t yet know all of the correct language or all of the meaningful events happening that directly affect them. I am slow, but I am trying.

What I want to ask people from these various communities, and groups is, are you giving equal effort to others who face discrimination that you hope people give to you?

If you only care about the issues that affect you personally, don’t attack those who don’t care about the injustices you face, because that is hypocritical.  It’s all of us or none of us.

I would love to earn the badge of “woke” by a community I stand up for and stand beside but am not necessarily a member. I would love to give out the badge of “woke” to people who get it about mental illnesses and champion our cause.  Some of you are on my list of recipients. I hope more people will want to earn that honor.

  • Update: The person who posted the offensive comment and picture on Facebook has made a very public and formal apology. One more person, one more step closer to being woke. We can all help change the world one heart and mind at a time. Ready? GO!

How Can We Talk About Issues? Trigger Warnings And Demeaning Language

19 Tuesday Jan 2016

Posted by in mental illness, Uncategorized, writing

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I spent some time with my niece this weekend, and she sent me an article to read about the language being challenged on many college campuses. In the article, the writer points out that in the 1980’s and 1990’s, we had a movement that pushed politically correct language – to change language that was considered demeaning to marginalized populations. If the writer of the article is correct, today there is a movement on college campuses not to use words that are “emotionally damaging” to students. This movement has made it necessary to put “trigger warnings” on some of the classics and to pull some books and ideas from classrooms altogether. Many teachers are not allowed to talk about rape or violence.

If you want to read the article you can find it here. It is interesting, and I recommend it.

What I came away with is if you are a considerate person (not looking to harm or offend anyone) then it is difficult to talk about a myriad of issues without feeling insecure. It is almost easier not to say anything than to discuss these issues/topics and have a constructive, educational debate where both parties may learn from each other’s position.

I know I often feel fearful about talking about race. Recently, I have felt fearful writing about disability (even though I have a disability). I don’t feel completely comfortable talking about LGBTQ issues, and I occasionally even shy away from gender issues. Add those issues to the now “emotionally damaging” issues and you have a wide range of topics/issues that create fear and silence.

Taking books out of the curriculum and having people feel uncomfortable to begin even a conversation isn’t going to move us forward. Moving forward requires reading, talking, debating, and writing. If people are not willing to do any of those things, we will be stuck. There will be no progress.

A few weeks ago, I wrote a rant about Anne Lamott’s words about Caitlyn Jenner and about using the phrase manic depressive to describe someone who clearly wasn’t mentally ill. You can find my rant here. I want to apologize to her. I don’t want to silence her. I want her to make her mistakes openly and let there be a public discussion around them (which is what happened when she made an inappropriate comment about Caitlyn).

We need people to be fearless. We need people to talk about the issues surrounding marginalized populations, rape, violence, etc. We need these discussions. We can’t pull books, stop talking about negative social issues (rape and violence) and make others feel backward and stupid for not knowing the correct language to use to address a minority group.

I don’t know what to do about the censoring of “emotionally damaging” language. I am not a part of academia. I can read articles, talk to young people, and try to educate myself about what is happening there. I can speak out when I have more knowledge about it.

I do know what to do about speaking about marginalized groups, though. Those of us who are a part of a marginalized group need to let people talk without being defensive. We need to allow people to make mistakes. If it turns out that those mistakes are being made from a lack of education (not malice), then we need to either point them out gently or take the time to build a relationship with the person. In other words, we need to influence people over time not shame them and run.

I consider myself an advocate for people with severe mental illnesses. I consider myself an ally to those people who identify as LGBTQ. I consider myself an ally to people of color. I am a woman and support gender equality. No matter how passionate I am about any of these things, I want to remember compassion and gentleness for all people not just the ones I am trying to support.

Language is in trouble. Communication is in trouble. Books and essays are in trouble. Teachers are in trouble.

Silence isn’t going to bring us a society without rape or violence or a society that automatically supports the marginalized. That takes art and communication. Let’s support the fearless that are unafraid to step out and make mistakes so there can be conversations because it is those conversations that help open all of our minds.

 

 

The Many Faces Of Shame

13 Wednesday Jan 2016

Posted by in bipolar, hope, mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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All of us imagine, create, and play out all kinds of scenarios and information in our minds that will never happen. We often hold onto beliefs that simply aren’t true, but we are afraid to test them.

For over twenty years I was afraid to reveal my diagnosis. I thought that people would avoid me, I would lose my job (I don’t currently have one), I would be treated differently, and that people would stop trusting my judgment and push my ideas and input aside as someone who is “crazy.” Most of these things haven’t happened, and if they have, it hasn’t been noticeable to me.

I was living with shame.

My husband said that I have gained a significant amount of self-confidence in the time since I came out. I have to say, I feel stronger because my head is not down, and I am not using all that energy to keep people from finding out my secret.

I have noticed this same type of avoidance and secret keeping in other people, and it isn’t just in marginalized populations like LGBTQ, or the mentally ill. People hide other things about themselves, too. One such secret that I see people in my personal life try to keep is the fact that they came from a lower class (economically).

There are people in my life who have become upper middle class, and they are constantly trying to make people believe that they know everything about fashion, food, wine, and the “finer” things in life. They do everything they can to separate themselves from their upbringing.

I came from a small town, and my parents didn’t have much money. Most of our neighbors didn’t have much money either so it didn’t seem unusual at the time. I ended up going to high school overseas and traveling to many city and countries. I never severed the ties between the small town girl and the worldly woman.

I kept both with me, and I have to admit that both of them have served me very well. There are things I learned from not having much money that have made me a more responsible, compassionate, understanding, and capable person. There are things I learned from traveling and my education that have made me more tolerant, less prejudiced, more friendly, and willing to try new things.  One of the most valuable things I learned about not having much is that I don’t need or want much, and it has little to do with happiness.

Personally, I don’t feel shame about where I came from, but I know others do, and I understand the feeling even if I can’t relate to the details.

Coming out of the closet about my diagnosis has made my life better, and it has nothing to do with how other people treat me. It is about letting go of the shame. Releasing all that shame of who you are, what you are, where you come from gives so much life and energy back to you.

I feel like I have claimed me, and I have claimed my life. I feel like instead of a person who is one person in public and another in private, that I am now one stronger, more complete person.

People feel shame for many reasons. I wish they could throw out those feelings of shame and begin to allow others to accept them as they are. Most of us with bumps, bruises, cuts and injuries will welcome the parts of others that they feel are undesirable for whatever reason. Most of us have been there in one form or another, and I hope everyone has the support and desire to join me on the other side of shame because there is acceptance and freedom on the other side.  And it feels good.

 

I Will Not Be Silent

31 Thursday Dec 2015

Posted by in mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized, writing

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I am not always sweet or kind when it comes to equality, discrimination, feminism, racism, and the treatment of the mentally ill.

I spend a good portion of every day on social media. One of the reasons I do that is to try to learn more about the intersection of mental illness with other marginalized populations. (I frequently find that I have a long way to go in understanding the best way to be an advocate for the mentally ill, women, people of color, and people who identify as LGBTQ). I’m not a perfect advocate for any cause, but I’m learning (as slow as that process is).

What I see on social media every day is that people like to feel good. They love to share cat videos, baby videos, and inspirational quotes. If you try to point out when someone has said something offensive, or ignorant, you can almost be sure that you will encounter a dismissive response like, “You are too sensitive” or “don’t take things so seriously.” I have seen a meme on Facebook that has made the rounds that says, “2015 will go down as the year that everyone took offense at everything.” I frequently hear people complain that everything has become too “politically correct.”

These dismissive responses are intended to silence the people who are speaking out. They allow people to go along with a status quo that they are comfortable living with because more often than not, that status quo benefits them in some way. If they were the ones being made fun of, put down, discriminated against, bullied, etc. then they would have a different experience (and one that can at times make people appear angry).

I like cat videos and baby videos. I also like inspirational and motivational quotes. That isn’t all the world is, though. I don’t have to feel good about everything. Injustices are happening daily and to turn our back on those injustices to make ourselves feel good is cowardly and insensitive. It also helps injustice to flourish.

We can’t always be polite, kind, silent, and agreeable. If we are going to address the tough issues that occur all around us every day, we need to speak out even if that makes people uncomfortable, even if it isn’t the “polite” thing to do. It may not be “polite” but it is just, and it is right.

I say some very unpopular things. I have lost some friends over it, but when it comes to erring on the side of “feel good” or the side of social justice and equality, I’m going to take a stand for the tough stuff even if that means I have fewer followers on Facebook.

I don’t mind making people uncomfortable. I am a person who is marginalized every day because of an illness in the same way that some people are marginalized for their skin color, or for their gender, or for their sexual orientation. None of us chose the things society uses to hold us back, see us as less than, or define us as “other.”

Because we didn’t choose these things, we are not to blame for them, and they are not wrong. I ask you to please not be among those who dismiss someone when they point out offensive speech, degrading comments, racist attitudes, jokes that were never funny, and bullying.

I know it isn’t as funny as a cat video or as uplifting as an inspirational quote. It is, however, the reality of millions of people, and I believe that we all want people to have the same chance to be safe, educated, employed, respected, valued, protected, and accepted as others. Who wouldn’t want that? Justice and equality are two of the most inspirational things that can exist. You can quote me on that.

 

Equality And Justice For All

28 Monday Dec 2015

Posted by in bipolar, mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized

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Yesterday my husband and I watched Netflix all day because my back was hurting and the two of us came down with a cold. We watched an old movie, “Regarding Henry,” and we watched a documentary from 2007 called, “For the Bible Tells Me So.”

“Regarding Henry” is about an attorney, who isn’t a nice guy. He gets shot and has to learn everything all over again. It is about his transformation. It is a feel good movie.

“For the Bible Tells Me So” is a documentary about how many people in the church have treated their gay children and the things that many pastors and famous preachers have preached about being gay. It only got three stars on Netflix (probably because of a poorly done cartoon that explains studies scientists have done to find the cause of homosexuality, and it lists all the medical associations that no longer consider it a disorder). Besides the strange cartoon plopped in the middle of the documentary my husband and I both think it is worth watching.

Many people writing about mental illness call themselves advocates, and I want to suggest that if we are going to be effective advocates, we need to advocate for equality and inclusion for all people. I didn’t know this, but LGBTQ teens had a much higher rate of suicidal ideation and attempted suicide than the general population.

Suicide is a problem that should be on the radar of any mental health advocate. The other things that should be on our radar are the number of people of color locked in prisons and who suffer from a mental illness. Women should be on our radar too because it is a fact that doctors often dismiss their complaints or treat their pain in a much less aggressive manner than they do that of men. Also, the percentage of mentally ill women in prison is higher than that of men. 

I have known for a long time that there is an intersection between disability issues, feminism, racism, and LGBTQ issues. As someone who cares passionately about the issues regarding the mentally ill, and how we are perceived, treated, talked about, housed, etc. There is no way to move away from these other issues.

To be an educated advocate for the mentally ill and to understand all of the issues and how they intersect, collide, and combine with other issues, we need to start reading about feminism, racism, LGBTQ. The problems inherent in these movements are also our problems, not just because equality and justice are something we are fighting for, and we should help others to achieve – these issues have an impact on the mental health of Americans as a whole. The way I see it is that we must move forward hand in hand because if we leave one group behind that group will keep the rest of us from truly flourishing. Many of us are in this together.

Everyday a Battle

09 Wednesday Sep 2015

Posted by in mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma

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Yesterday, after I read this article, I wanted to write a blog post about it and save it for today. I couldn’t.  I was so angry, so frustrated, and had so much hurt about how people view schizophrenia that I could not sit down and peacefully  post what I thought.

I am tired. I am so tired, and it is a deep bone tired and a broken heart tired that I can’t seem to shake. Every day one of my friends (real friends, people I know and see a couple of times a year) post about being “crazy” or on “Prozac” or something that I find derogatory, but that they find humorous about mental illness.  I can’t always fight that battle. Yesterday, I was going to comment that it is suicide prevention month and making jokes about Prozac is particularly insensitive this time of year, but I didn’t have it in me. It is so prevalent. The same people who would slap you down (rightfully so) if you made a joke about race, or LGBTQ, are the ones that easily throw out words that stigmatize and marginalize the mentally ill. It reminds me of the Tracy Chapman song, “Revolution” only I want her to be talking about mentally ill people and our advocates rising up instead of poor people. I long for a revolution in language, treatment, civil rights, etc.  I want to be represented accurately not as a joke, or a mass murder, or any of the other stereotypes currently in the brains of so many Americans.

In the article I linked to, the woman telling her story had a parent who had schizophrenia. She refers to him in the first part of the article as a monster. She does this again and again. She also says she didn’t want to have children because she was afraid she would have to raise a monster like her father.  By the end of the article she is saying her father was a loving soul with a brain disease and that she froze her eggs so she could have children if she finds a loving partner, and she will love that child even if s/he develops schizophrenia.

Although the author had a life changing epiphany about schizophrenia, she did so much damage in the first part of her article that I didn’t care about her current acceptance of the disease. My husband wasn’t bothered by the article like I was, and maybe you won’t be either, but the fact that the Huffington Post found the article worthy of printing (when someone is basically calling a whole group of people monsters and playing into every stereotype) I find it disturbing. The comment section, where everyone seemed to congratulate her on her bravery, and amazing ability to share such an intimate story, also disgusted me.  I don’t think it is brave to go from thinking people with an illness are monsters and shouldn’t be born to thinking they are human beings. Is that really brave?  Is that really something we want to applaud?  I don’t applaud the author at all. I certainly don’t applaud Huffington Post for making this a widely spread article.

Once again, someone said that the world would be a better place if people with schizophrenia weren’t ever born. Sure, she changed her mind, but the seeds of her ignorance were read and placed in the minds of many. Did you know in Nazi Germany they killed the mentally ill and the disabled first? Yes, they didn’t think we should live either.

I have no smart ending, no words to tie this all together.  Do you know how tired I am? Every day a battle just to be seen as human.