Tag Archives: mind

Going from the Status Quo to Pro

02 Wednesday Jan 2019

Posted by in bipolar, caregivers, hope, mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I know I said I wasn’t going to make resolutions but to be completely transparent I spent three weeks before the New Year making them. Every other year, I have scratched a list out on New Year’s Eve, tossed it in a notebook and then dug it out late December to discover I hadn’t done a single thing on the list (or maybe, I had done one or two if I was lucky).

This year, I was fascinated by the process. I even started some of the resolutions as soon as I made them. For instance, I have been stretching (some would call it doing yoga) for twenty-five minutes every morning for two weeks now. I have also been walking forty minutes five days a week for a couple of weeks.

The thing I realized about all of my resolutions, is that they are all about trying to keep me healthy in mind, body, spirit. The other thing I realized, thanks to one of my guided journals, is that they are not a drag or punishment at all. They are a privilege. I don’t “have to” stretch every morning. I am healthy enough to “get to” stretch every morning. I don’t “have to” walk five times a week, I am healthy enough and have enough mobility to “get to” walk five times a week. The same is true of all my resolutions even the ones I set about writing and reading (I don’t get to read and write when I am experiencing psychosis).

Changing these two small words, “have to” to “get to” makes the difference in my attitude. It makes working on my resolutions a joy,  an accomplishment, a privilege,  an adventure. Unlike years before, I don’t see my list as a bunch of things I “should do” I see them as a bunch of things I “want to do.”

I have started to use the same language for my chores and other things I find difficult or not necessarily pleasant. I don’t “have to” do the dishes, I “get to” do the dishes because I am well enough to see that they need cleaning.

I know many of you struggle with your mental health in one way or another, and I know it isn’t always possible to talk yourself into a shower or to get out of bed. (Oh how I know these things), but on the days that you are functioning enough to try a task or two, try changing the two words, “have to” to “get to.”

I hope changing these words will change your perspective and help you accomplish new and better things. I have high hopes for 2019, and I think two simple words are going to help me make it a great year instead of just the status quo.

Expectations, Conditioning and the Messages that Haunt my Mind

27 Thursday Oct 2016

Posted by in mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized, writing

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Recently, there was an article on a major website, and the message was, getting out of bed is the most we can hope for on certain days, or in other words, on some days success is measured just by getting out of bed. The premise of this article sounds reasonable especially for those who suffer from depression, but I want more for my life and expect more from myself.

If getting out of bed is the most we can hope for then our treatment isn’t working and needs to be adjusted. Some of us have symptoms on a daily basis, and some of those days it is too difficult to accomplish much. Not accomplishing anything isn’t acceptable to me, though and that is why I keep looking for a part-time job that I can manage.

Just because someone has a severe mental illness doesn’t mean they don’t have the same conditioning as other people in this society. Television, social media, magazines, all of these things condition us into thinking productivity defines our lives. We are also conditioned to think things about beauty, success, and happiness.

I think this conditioning is particularly hard for people with a disability. For example, being thin is considered beautiful, and most of us on anti-psychotic medication are battling with side effects of weight gain (along with high sugar levels and high cholesterol). I go through periods where I don’t watch my weight, and I can easily gain twenty pounds. I get a warning from the doctor, and I go back to watching my weight, and I am usually able to get it under control, but it takes effort, discipline, and self-awareness. Not everyone who is living with a mental illness can follow their treatment and make sure they manage their weight at the same time. One of those things is hard, add them both together and it takes real strength, organization, and many other skills.

Even though we have a mental illness, we are not immune to the messages or conditioning of society. Some of us can’t function at the same level as others, but it doesn’t stop us from feeling pressure to do so. It isn’t just weight gain and productivity that can get us down, though. We frequently don’t have the same amount of money as others because we have to pay for treatment or can’t work so we also don’t have the same material items that others consider mandatory (like an iPhone).

I wish I were evolved enough to say that none of this matters; being thin doesn’t make you happy (and isn’t the only standard for beauty), and neither does having the latest smartphone or a cool job. I have to admit I am not evolved, though and the thing that bothers me most and is the most difficult for me is productivity. If I get to the end of my day and I haven’t accomplished anything I am so disappointed and almost disgusted with myself.

I know that many of us are not capable of holding down a 40 hour a week job, and there are few part-time jobs that are flexible enough to manage (I keep looking for them) but even though this is true, many of us still feel the need to contribute and to be productive. It would be great to be happy binge watching television (I never turn it on before 6 pm) or just lying around, but I don’t know anyone who is happy with a life like that. On bad days when I have a hard time with symptoms, I still feel like there was still time for me to produce something. For some people that something may be cleaning their house, cooking, knitting, or painting. For me, it is writing. I need to write every day to feel as if I have been successful (that doesn’t mean I can write every day, I can’t, but on those days that I am not able to write, I feel miserable).

I wish that article about how sometimes just getting out of bed is considered a successful day were true (it would make it easier on the egos of those of us with a mental illness). I don’t think it is, though. I can’t imagine that conditioning and the messages from society don’t impact most people in the same way they impact me. We have to struggle to undo those messages, and as hard as I struggle, some of them (productivity) seem to be wound tightly around my psyche unwilling to unwind.

A Diet For The Mind

07 Sunday Feb 2016

Posted by in Uncategorized, writing

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Most people think a lot about what they put in their mouths. Many people eat a vegan, vegetarian, Paleo or gluten free diet. Other people eat low carb, no sugar, low-calorie diets to lose weight. The diet industry in the United States is a multibillion dollar industry. Food is an American obsession. I don’t follow any diet on a regular basis, but I often tell myself, “Wow, after those French fries, I need to eat some greens!” I try to get some fruits and vegetables in my diet every day, and many times I will practice a vegetarian diet for months at a time.

What if people gave the same thought to what they put in their minds as they do about what they put in their mouths? How much violence do you see in a day? How many stories do you read that are gossip posing as news? How much time do you spend playing video games? How much time do you spend on Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, or Snapchat?

When I took computer classes in school, the mantra that the professors used to say was, “Garbage in, garbage out.” This saying simply means if you put garbage into something all you can expect to get out is more garbage.  Sadly, I think this is true. If we don’t fill our minds with stories of compassion, hope, healing, health, love, redemption, beauty, etc. then how can we hope to get these things back out of our minds?

If we spend our days documenting our every move for social media and exposing ourselves to the “best moments” of the lives of all of our friends in our social network, we may end up feeling envious, hollow, or empty.  If social media is our obsession and most of it isn’t an accurate picture of reality, then what is the food we feed our minds on a regular basis?

Ash Wednesday is coming up, and I am not Catholic, but I love the idea of fasting at least once a year for forty days. I am planning to add some things to my life over the next forty days – ten to fifteen minute of stretching/yoga a day, reading more books for entertainment and writing more.

What do I plan to give up, though? I think about all the garbage that goes into my mind every day, and it is that trash that I would like to give up for my forty days of fasting. I am going to cut way back on my social media time and the time I spend reading articles that are not of value on the Internet.

I have a feeling by Easter my mind will be healthier and I will have lost some of the weight of negative news, gossip, and the unrealistic face people show to the world on social media.

As with every diet, it is going to be tough and take discipline, but I bet when it is over, I feel a whole lot better.