Tag Archives: mindfulness

Everywhere I Look a Metaphor

08 Friday Feb 2019

Posted by in bipolar, caregivers, hope, mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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Our dining room window is floor to ceiling (a slider) and has a view of the bay if you are seated at the table, sitting in the recliner or standing near the window. It is a beautiful view. We often see the water dotted with sailboats, and the sunsets are spectacular when they are pink, or orange.

We have lived here since 2009, and the only window in our home with a good view has a treatment on it that is getting old and makes the glass foggy. It has been foggy since we moved in. So, our amazing view is hazy and unclear unless the window is open.

Today, a window company is replacing the glass in that window. Right now, I have a clear view of the bay. The fog or haze is gone, and I can see the deep blue of the water and the boats that are out sailing in the bay.

It took us over ten years to take the necessary steps to enjoy our water view completely, and it seems like a perfect metaphor for what we so often do in life. We allow the negative (fog, haze) to obstruct our view of the positive. If only we would replace the tapes in our heads that play the scenarios that tell us things are bad, are always going to be bad, or that the next shoe is going to drop, etc.

I am an expert at playing disaster tapes in my mind. I run every bad scenario through my head when I am waiting to hear the news about something, when someone doesn’t call, or when I try something new, or I am waiting for results, etc.

Today, we added value to our property and increased our enjoyment of our condo. The increased value can be something we enjoy several times every day.  Today, I am also committing to adding the same value to my life by trying to get rid of the haze and fog of negative thoughts and see clearly to the good, the positive, the healing, the miraculous that happen all around me every day.

I am not going to spend another ten years with a cloudy view of my world. There is so much more positive than negative each day. The windows now reveal a million dollar view; one my mind can achieve too if I replace the negative talk.

I’m going to sit in my recliner and enjoy an unobstructed clear view of the waterfront, and while I’m there, I am going to run a list through my mind of every wonderful thing that I have in my life right now. The view of a happier future without the haze of negative thoughts is already starting to reveal itself.

My Latest Article on The Mighty

03 Monday Dec 2018

Posted by in articles I wrote, mental illness, relationships, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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I’ve written many pieces about the challenges of being married and having an illness like schizophrenia. Here is one of my latest pieces on The Mighty. Those of you who have followed my blog for a while will likely find this similar to things I have written before.

I’m Not Sold on Your Miracle Cure

26 Monday Mar 2018

Posted by in caregivers, hope, mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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I don’t know about other cultures, but Americans spend billions every year on the latest trends, fads and health and wellness products. When someone came out with the idea that coloring was good for stress and mindfulness, adult coloring books were everywhere. When someone discovered that weighted blankets could help with anxiety, weighted blankets were everywhere. There are also health and fitness trends that have to do with diet and exercise. Every six months it seems there is a new diet that comes out like Paleo or Whole30, and there is Crossfit, a variety of new types of yoga, and meditation, the list goes on and on.

I benefit from many products that fit into these categories. I have a weighted blanket that I love, and I use happiness journals and will start using a productivity journal later this week, and I used to do yoga (before my back issues), and years ago I tried meditation but couldn’t stop laughing.

I’m not knocking the benefit that many of these things bring to the lives of the people who buy them, practice them, etc. What irritates me about all these diets, trends, fads, programs, etc. is how people act when they are using them or on them. Almost everyone has heard jokes about ex-smokers and how after smoking for twenty years, or so they go to the opposite extreme and start preaching against smoking. The same can be, and often is, said about born-again Christians – once they convert to Christianity, all they can talk about is converting to Christianity.

I see the same behavior with the latest diet, exercise program or things like mindfulness. The people that “discover” them (even though so many of the things are “borrowed” from thousands of years of tradition in other cultures) think that everyone should do them, everyone will find enrichment, everyone will lose weight, everyone will be happier, healthier, etc.

It isn’t that I don’t believe many of these things are great, I do, but I don’t believe that I need to try every new diet, practice every kind of exercise, buy every new coloring book, or Tibetian singing bowl, etc. When do I get to say, “You know what? I’m doing pretty well. I can keep doing what I am doing and get off this treadmill of the greatest latest new thing.”

It is not easy to live with schizophrenia. It is not easy to live with any chronic illness whether it is mental or physical. So much stuff comes along with a chronic illness; one of the big things is side effects from medications. My medications give me high cholesterol, high blood sugar, high blood pressure, and a host of other things. Those are just the things I have to deal with because I take medication not the things I have to deal with for why I need medication in the first place.

Can I change my diet? Yes, I have, drastically, and that only helps so much. Can I exercise more? Yes, I can when my back isn’t too painful to do it. Can I meditate, do mindfulness exercises, practice yoga, do Crossfit, eat only protein, and give up sugar? No. The truth is I can’t do all of those things. I am in too much pain to practice yoga, I would never dare risk a back injury by doing Crossfit, but I guess I could give up sugar, but I don’t want to (not yet, anyway, I might have to).

By being a preacher of what has “changed” your life and made you a “believer” you might be forgetting that not everyone has the same challenges you do. Not everyone can change the exercise they do, and maybe they have already been a vegetarian most of their life. It is also possible that people will not see the same results as the next person doing the same thing.

Also, I want to say, “Is it enough already?” Do I have to give my life over to something and become a complete convert who also preaches to say I am happy with my health and wellness? I am never going to be 100%, and I can live with that. I ’m never going to be 100%, and it is not because I’m not trying this thing or that thing. I am never going to be 100% because I have a chronic illness, and no amount of meditating is going to cure me. I know that is hard for many people to believe. I know that many people think they have found the path, the one true source, the answer to whatever it is that ails people, but they haven’t. If I can live with the fact that I have schizophrenia, and that I will most likely always have schizophrenia (there is always hope that science will find a cure) then why can’t everyone else?

 

 

 

 

 

Being Mindful of Others

29 Saturday Aug 2015

Posted by in hope, writing

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I am carrying my problems. You are carrying your problems. Everyone we meet has bills to worry about, a flat tire, a sick kid, a dying loved one, a sore back, hurting feet, a fight with their partner, or countless other things. I forget sometimes. I forget.

Yesterday after getting our car fixed, my husband and I stopped at a Mexican restaurant to get lunch. We don’t usually eat at chain restaurants, but this is one where we enjoy a few of the menu items.

I ordered a chopped salad (no meat), extra avocado and dressing on the side. My husband ordered a rice and bean bowl. When our meals came to our table, I let out a sigh of disappointment and said, “This is just lettuce.” The woman who was serving it said, “Is there something wrong?”

“Usually this comes with cheese, and chips and salsa fresca.” I said.

“Here is the salsa fresca. Would you like me to bring you some cheese?” She asked.

By this time, I was so disappointed with my bowl of shredded lettuce that I couldn’t see a way out. I told her, “I don’t care. Do whatever. Just do whatever. It’s just lettuce.”

My husband told her to bring more cheese and salsa fresca. When she returned, I told her, “I always order the same salad when I come here. It has never looked this bad.”

She said, “I knew when it came out of the kitchen that they forgot to add the cheese and salsa fresca.”

“This just looks so bad.” I said.

“I will give you a refund if you want.” She said

“I don’t care.” I said.

“Do you want more chips, salsa, and cheese?”

“I don’t care.” I said.

“I’ll get my manager.” She said.

Then the manager came over with a big container of cheese, more salsa fresca, a bag of chip to put in the salad, our money back from both meals, and a coupon to eat there the next time for free.  My husband and I were both shocked, and told her, “Thank you.”

At that point, I felt like such a badly behaved adult. Instead of just ask for more of the things I wanted, and keep my spirits up about it, I had let myself become negative toward someone who only wanted to help me. My husband, always considerate of other people’s feelings, went to the server, thanked her, and started up a nice conversation with her.

She came back to our table, and she said, “Is everything okay now? I saw how sad you were and I didn’t want you to be sad.”

“Initially, I was so disappointed that was all I could think about, but I am happy now. Thank you so much. We come here and I always order the same thing. I was so excited to have the salad, and when it came, I just felt so disappointed. I’m great now. Thank you.”

When we were leaving, my husband handed me five dollars to give to the server. She didn’t want to take it, but I insisted.

I need to remember that the weight of the world is on every shoulder and it is my job as a human being to help balance whenever and where ever I can. I don’t want to see anyone go to their knees because things get too heavy. I want to offer a hand, and a light heart. I want to offer a smile and hopefully what they are carrying will be a little less – a little less for all of us, that is what I need to remember.

Yesterday, for a time, I forgot. Thankfully, my husband was there to remind me to have and show heart.

Today, I will have many chances to try again. With every person I encounter, I will extend compassion, because I would hate to add any more weight for someone to carry.

It can be a rough and tough world, let’s all help someone lighten their load.