Tag Archives: new year

Let’s Leave Bitter for the Weather

03 Wednesday Jan 2018

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Well, 2018 has started as a mixed bag. I have a pinched nerve in my back, and my husband has had a nasty cough since before Christmas. On the positive side of things, we have already volunteered for an event that benefited our favorite non-profit, and today we were able to buy a homeless man a Venti Frappuccino (his choice) at Starbucks. Other than our ailments, the year is starting off great – generosity and service are two things I want more of this year, and we got an early start on them.

When I was volunteering at the event on Monday, I worked next to a woman I had never met before. During the concert, the two of us talked. She said she was fired from her job of fifteen years because of an “arrogant” pastor. When I complimented a woman on her outfit, the woman I was working side by side with said, “I don’t care about clothes. I gave away all my dresses and good clothes. I just don’t care.” And when I told her that the non-profit I was representing serves two meals a week to low income and homeless people she said all she could afford is two meals a day and, “Today I chose gas. I filled up the car instead.”

When a man came up who was enthusiastic about talking to us, she said, “Well, he sure likes to talk,” as he walked away. After spending an hour with her, it occurred to me that she is a bitter person. I am sure it is horrible only to be able to afford two meals a day and to have to choose gas over food. Those things are admittedly difficult and sad. But her negative attitude went beyond a scarcity of money. For example, it seemed to bother her when I complimented that other woman on her clothes. What harm does it do to compliment someone else? Why feel negative about someone else receiving something good?

Then it occurred to me, there are times when I feel sorry for myself (oh poor me), but I rarely, if ever, feel bitter. Have I had an easy life? Compared to some people, yes, even though I have experienced domestic violence, addiction, and schizophrenia, I still have an easy life compared to some people. We can all compare our lives to others, and we will find many who have had it easier than us and many who have had it far worse. That is not unusual, that is life. But how we handle the problems we face is what matters.

Even though I have a severe mental illness, I try to make the best out of my situation. Some days are extremely tough, some weeks are difficult, and I have had terrible years. But even with all of that, I was so happy to wake up this morning, and I am thrilled that I can type this blog. I have always been a person that finds pleasure in the little things, and that has kept me from becoming old before my time and from being seen as someone who is bitter.

Let’s try to leave bitter as a reference to the cold weather (there is currently a bitter cold sweeping the East), rather than have it refer to our attitude. I know it is cliché – the attitude of gratitude, but it can make all the difference in how we feel when the tough stuff comes our way.

Setting Intentions for the New Year

01 Monday Jan 2018

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Yesterday, I read this article in the New York Times . I thought the article was excellent. The title makes it seem as if it is only about New Year’s resolutions, but that isn’t the case. The article is about how willpower can cause damage to our health and compassion, pride and gratitude can create healing.

According to the article, research shows that we are willing to do many more tasks and accomplish much more if we feel proud, compassionate or grateful. I’m not going to explain the whole article here, but it is worth the read (I promise). It is one of the most interesting and possibly helpful, articles I have read on psychology in a long time.

So, as I look over the intentions I have written for 2018 and continue to add new ones over the next couple of days, I want to find far more ways to add pride, compassion, and gratefulness into my daily life. I can use all the healing and positive mental health benefits I can get, so this exercise seems like a worthy goal and a great way to start out 2018.

My husband and I sit down (without cell phones and television) to have dinner together most nights of the week. It isn’t that we have a fancy dinner, it is usually something easily prepared, leftovers, veggie burgers, fried egg sandwiches, or if we have been to Costco, we will have salmon filets. But it isn’t the food that we find important, it is the act of looking at each other and talking to one another. During dinner, we always ask the same question of each other, “What were the two best things that happened to you today?” There are times when we struggle to come up with two things, and other times when we list five or six. It is an exercise in gratitude that we have been practicing for a couple of years.

This year, I would like to add more rituals and exercises into our lives. I read on Facebook that a writer who I know keeps a jar and each week she writes down one good thing that happened and puts it into the jar. On New Year’s Day, she reads all 52 good things that happened in the last year. My husband and I are going to create such a jar, and make it our tradition to read all the highlights of the year the following New Year’s Eve or Day.  Keeping and adding to the jar should help with feeling more grateful all year long as my husband and I reflect on the best thing that happened to us each week.

Adding more compassion to our lives is fairly easy. I follow some blogs where people are going through some pretty tough health journeys (like cancer), and their words can often bring me to tears. I can make sure that I keep reading heartfelt stories and the experiences of others because it keeps my empathy and compassion muscles working. Also, I will continue to help raise money for the low income and homeless in our city. In fact, my husband and I are going to volunteer for one of our favorite non-profit’s events today. There is a concert in the park, and all of the donations received go to feeding, clothing, medical treatment, etc. for the poor. We are going to stand in a booth and collect donations, talk to people, and give out flyers.

I will continue to buy coffee, or lunch for homeless people who tell me they are hungry and ask me to buy them a meal. There are endless ways to show compassion. For example, I can have compassion on a barista at a coffee shop who is swamped with demanding customers – I can be patient and let her know that she is doing a good job and that I am not in a hurry. Ways to be compassionate will present themselves to me continuously, and I just need to be aware of being kind, and considerate of those around me.

The last of the three healing ways to make us more productive is pride. The article wasn’t suggesting we feel the kind of pride that makes us seem obnoxious to others. It was referring to a sense of pride, of being proud of a job well done.

I am proud when I finish a blog post. It doesn’t have to be a perfect blog post, and it doesn’t have to get dozens of likes. I am proud of having completed something that I think of as valuable. In the New Year, I plan to do much more writing (my mentor expects five to ten pages on my memoir every week), so I will have many opportunities to feel a sense of pride. My husband and I also want to cook a recipe that is new to us at least once a week in the New Year, so this is something I can do with my husband that would bring me a sense of pride.

If the researchers are right that compassion, gratitude, and pride are healing, then 2018 should be one of my healthiest years yet. If not, at least I will have made some great choices, and I can add that to my something to be proud of column which I hope is full

Hope for the New Year

27 Wednesday Dec 2017

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My husband and I sit down every year before January, 1st and write down our resolutions for the following year.  On New Year’s Eve we look at the list, we wrote twelve months earlier. We are usually a little bummed out because there are only one or two things from our list that we managed to accomplish. The past two years, those accomplishments have been big things (like financial planning), but still, most of our list is left undone.

This year, we decided to do something a little differently and hopefully when we look at what we have written twelve months from now, we will be pleased instead of disappointed. This year, instead of a list we are going to write down our intentions, and choose a word for the year.

My word for the year is WORK, and my husband’s word for the year is INSPIRATION. What does work mean to me? I want to be stable enough and committed enough to commit wholeheartedly to writing. I have started a memoir with a writing mentor (she expects at least ten pages a week starting in the New Year). I would also like to keep up with this blog and sell a few essays every month. For me, that is a lot of writing and a lot of work, but I feel hopeful that I can achieve it. I am also working together with my husband on a project that is the basis for his word, and I can’t wait to share the details, but we need to have it partially completed before I do that. One hint, it also has to do with writing (so excited about this!)

Underneath our words, we wrote our intentions. We both included things like getting out more, socialize more, and watch less news. To my list, I added to be on social media less and to read more books and essays. Reading more is the only place I included details – I would like to read a chapter a day and an essay a day (excluding blogs – I will read as many of those as I have time for).

2017 was a tough year for so many reasons. One of which was that my husband and I had almost continuous health problems throughout the year, add that on top of schizophrenia and my husband’s chronic illness and we were feeling miserable, worried, and down most of the year. When you throw in the daily news of disasters, terrorism, healthcare, etc.  Oh, boy! It is surprising that we were able to manage a low-grade depression and not a full on can’t-get-out-of-bed depression. When people say, your health is the most valuable thing (including mental health) they aren’t kidding. If you don’t have your health, it is difficult to get anything else accomplished or to focus on other things.

So, with that in mind, the best I can wish for all of you in the New Year is a healthy mind and body. Here is to a symptom-free year from your head to your toes (a New Year miracle, I know, but let’s aim high!)  To 2018 and beyond!

Mental Health, The Holiday Edition

23 Saturday Dec 2017

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It’s the holidays! Time for giving. Time for eating. Time for music and all forms of goodwill.

*(If you are someone that experiences sadness or depression this time of year, I’ve had years like that, too. I suggest binge-watching good movies with your favorite snacks piled high on the bed, or if you can get out and enjoy some natural beauty, that can help too. Please just know, that the season will be over soon, and the days will start to get lighter with more sunshine (and unless you live in Southern California, more sunshine is always a good thing).

We have a little tree up. It is a replica of the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree in the classic Peanuts special. My mom gave us the DVD several years ago, and we watch it at least once a year. I am always surprised by the part where Linus gives his speech about the true meaning of Christmas during the Christmas play. Because I am Christian, I love that part of the show, but I am surprised that children’s programs (watched by the majority of Americans during the 70’s) contained Christian messages.

Before my Grandfather died, he used to say, “I am ready to go to heaven. Most of my friends are there, and I don’t recognize this world anymore.”  When I think of my childhood, I feel a little bit like my Grandfather – there is so much that has changed. Huge changes have occurred in our society, and I feel nostalgic at times. For example, growing up we knew all of our neighbors and spent time in their company and their homes. I currently live in a condo with 16 other households, and I have never been invited into any of their units.

I wonder what my Grandfather would say about computers and smartphones? I am certain he would feel even more disconnected and isolated from a world that is changing so quickly. My mom, who will be 80 this year, bought a smartphone years before me. She sends me Snapchats every day and follows all my brothers on Instagram (a platform I am not even on). Even though I refused to buy a smartphone until this year; I think it is important to know things about each generation. I don’t mean that we have to do everything that each new generation of young people does, but we have to do some things. I try to read some of the articles and books that they are producing so that I can stay connected to changing language (like all the words we said before the 90’s that are no longer acceptable and all the new additions like nonbinary, gender neutral, etc.)

I recently saw a video posted by another blogger I follow (shout out to Outofgreatneed), that contained research about young people and technology. There is a large rise in depression among teenagers, and it appears to be linked directly to how much time they spend on their phones. I don’t know if it is the constant comparison of our lives to one another or the fact that staring at a screen is such a passive activity. The study didn’t say what it is about our smartphones that is making children more depressed; they only tied the increase in depression to the amount of time spent on the device.

So, how can we help people who were born into a different world feel connected, appreciated and important, this time of year and going forward? If they want to, we can be patient enough to help them learn new technologies. If they don’t want to do that, we can at a minimum, put our phones down when talking to them and look them in the eyes. Have you ever noticed that when you look someone in the eyes, it helps you to know how that person is feeling? Eyes, rarely lie.

It’s the holiday season, and like most people, I want to experience the magic of the season. That magic is diminished though if so many of us are feeling depressed and unwell. I’m not saying that the 70’s or any period before now was ideal or perfect, but we had some things right, some things that didn’t need to be altered or changed. I’m going to invite my neighbors to do more things with me in the New Year, and hopefully, when I write you at the end of 2018, I will know what some of their homes look like and more importantly what is on their minds and in their hearts.

If you celebrate, then Merry Christmas! If you don’t, then happy holidays! I wish us all a healthy and happy New Year!

 

Look at The Big Reveal: Going Public With My Diagnosis

16 Saturday Dec 2017

Posted by in bipolar, hope, mental illness, relationships, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized

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We are in the midst of the holiday season, and I am looking forward to the new year. 2017 was tough on my husband and me. My husband had four or five serious medical problems (not life-threatening of course, but terrifying as he had two occasions with fevers over 103). And I had two incidents of diverticulitis and a breast cancer scare that lasted most of the year (almost over now). But there is something different about this year than any of the others I have lived.

Since I went public with my diagnosis, I am more comfortable with myself. I am more comfortable with being who and what I am in almost every situation. Even with all the stressful medical situations, and even with all the bad news out of Washington D.C., I laugh louder, harder and more frequently than ever before ( I cry a lot, too, but that is common for me – I have a very soft heart. For example, I cried when Al Franken resigned his Senate seat because I like him and I have thought of him as a fierce fighter on issues I believe in. I also cried when John McCain received his diagnosis and when some famous people passed away). Anyway, it is no big deal, but I cry easily, the great thing is, I laugh easily, too. I have a big laugh. I have a belly laugh. I have a very distinct laugh that turns heads in a room. I love laughter. I love when people laugh, and I love when I laugh. And since opening up completely about living with schizophrenia laughter is more common than ever around here.

People frequently tell me they live in the closet and are afraid of coming out because of the consequences it might have on their job, and relationships. The stigma around schizophrenia is all too real, but for me, coming out is one of the best things I have done in my life. I feel whole, and I feel free. I wouldn’t recommend being open about living with a severe mental illness with everyone, (I don’t tell everyone, but anyone can find my articles about it on the Internet). But most people who know me or have any contact with me on social media know that I have schizophrenia. I am not hiding. Are their consequences for me? Yes, I think there are. I don’t know when I apply for a job if people are discriminating against me – it is possible that they are. I don’t know if people talk behind my husband’s back and work about his “crazy” wife. I assume it can, and possibly does happen. But for the most part, people are kind, and open, accepting and compassionate toward me.

For the first time in my life, I feel free to open up a conversation about mental illness and talk about the issues, the struggles, my diagnosis, etc. I don’t feel like I am keeping more than half of my life hidden from all of the people around me. Keeping that big of a part of myself secret for so many years left me feeling distant and disconnected from other people. Now, I feel as if I am all in, and completely myself. I know not everyone has the luxury to risk what I have, and I wouldn’t want everyone too, but for me, I’ll take the increased laughter and lightness of being even if it means the occasional stab of stigma, judgment or pain.

 

Sanity to Bring in the New Year

26 Sunday Nov 2017

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The holidays are a good time for reflection. Thanksgiving encourages us to makes lists of what we are grateful for, and many of us reach out to the less fortunate and give our time and/or money. This attitude of giving stretches from late November until early January. We seem to think more about one another during this time, and there are more random acts of kindness.

During this season we also reflect on the past year and make plans, goals or a list of resolutions for the upcoming year. As I reflect on this past year, I have to admit I have been on edge and angry more than any time in the past. There is news of war, terror, mass shootings, natural disasters and lies filling our televisions, social media, newspapers, and magazines every day. I wrote a piece that was published in ROAR about fearing a nuclear war. I can’t ever remember such a heavyweight of bad news and fears to carry around on a daily basis. Combine all of this with my on-going breast cancer scare, and I have laughed less and cried more than I can ever remember.

Over the past year, I have snapped at my husband more. I have cursed at careless drivers with a vengeance. I have had less patience and more irritation with customer service representatives over the phone, and I have given countless dirty looks to dog owners who allow their dogs off leash or bring them into a restaurant, or grocery store (this simply grosses me out). I think I have been guilty of contributing to a world that is less kind, less compassionate, and less forgiving than it was a year ago.

I know that I am not alone in carrying a heavier load this year than last. Many of us know that critical changes are coming to our healthcare, but we are uncertain how it will impact us. Many of us have read the news and know that our taxes will be higher (I live in California where they have proposed getting rid of a deduction for income taxes) if the current tax reform bill passes. Many of us are frightened by the rise of nationalism and racism. So many of us can no longer peacefully and innocently gather in large crowds without at least planning a way of escape because of all the terrorism and shootings that seem to happen almost weekly or monthly now. There is so much happening. There is so much to make our minds uneasy. Peace seems distant and far away.

So I am here to say, there must be something I can do to get some of my joy back and remain engaged in the issues that plague our nation and the world. There must be a solution for me to be a part of creating more kindness, more compassion, more tolerance, less anger, more friendliness. I can make a vow to be nicer to the people I talk to on the phone. I can make a vow not to give the evil eye to dog owners who think mostly of themselves and not the comfort of others. I can try to tame my mouth when I see someone talking on the cell phone while driving (even though this is so dangerous and I find no excuses for it, and there is never a good reason to do it). I can smile at people I pass in the street even if they don’t leave me space on the sidewalk. And I can cut down my access to news. (This past year I have been in the habit of reading or watching news nearly all day and into the evening. I just can’t do that anymore and make a positive impact in the small circles where I have some influence).

I need to stay engaged in calling my senators, voting in elections and knowing the things that will likely impact me, my husband, my family, and millions of other Americans. I need to do that, but not at the expense of the little things, like buying a stranger coffee, thanking the barista who also shoulders most if not all of these things. And that is the secret for me. I am not alone. I am one among millions who are more uneasy, frightened, uncertain and feeling a tremendous burden. If I am unwilling to break out of this cycle of anger and upset, then maybe others will be unwilling too and our days will seem worse, not better.

I’m making an effort, starting right now to be a ray of hope, a streak of sunshine, a glow of compassion where ever and whenever I can. I have a feeling I will learn that I make a bigger difference than I have ever assumed, at least I hope so, and I hope to see that difference reflected back on the faces of people as we smile at one another in the street again.

It’s the holidays, a time to believe in the most powerful magic. As decorations go up all over the city, I’m believing, are you? I’m hoping for healing in my stocking this year, and I have the childlike faith to know that anything is possible – it really can happen.  We can refuse to be a part of the problem by choosing to be the salve on so many hurting, frightened, hearts. I believe even a smile can make it start to happen. We say it over and over again; it’s the little things, so let’s start a revolution of little things.

 

Choosing a Word for 2017

03 Saturday Dec 2016

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Last year, around this time, I picked a word that I hoped would define 2016. I picked the word, “ATTEMPT.” It is written and posted on my wall in black and red ink on the left side of my computer. I have looked at it all year. It has not defined this year at all. I did, attempt to go to work several times. Remember the Amazon Prime Now job I landed and didn’t make it through the first day? There were others as well. Regarding employment, I guess I did attempt to become employed. I didn’t attempt much else, though.

One of my big goals for 2016 was to have an essay about something other than schizophrenia accepted to a literary magazine. Well, I was successful at reaching that goal. I had The Extraordinary Ordinary Death published in Angels Flight: literary west. The essay will be published again in a book by Brightly Press early in 2017.

I think much of this year I was distracted, nervous, concerned, and extremely anxious about the election. The campaign was horrible to watch as the country dove nose first into vulgarity, intolerance, and division. I hated it. I hated watching it, and the leftovers of it, along with the increase in hate crimes and hate speech, fake news, possible corruption, and scandals, has torn a hole in my heart that I am not sure will heal completely. If that hole does heal, the scar tissue it leaves will forever impact the way my pulse beats. Much of what I thought about America may not be true, and because I love this country so much that is like a loss or like surgery, a removal of something dear. I want a breather from bad news, but it seems to come at me daily.

Because my word for 2016 was so inaccurate in defining the year, I wasn’t going to choose a word for 2017, but then I decided to give it one more try. At first, I thought I would choose the word, “RESIST.” I felt like I could work toward resisting intolerance, hate, division, despair and I felt like I could try my hardest to resist my symptoms of schizophrenia. When I say the word, it hits my ear as negative, though. I feel as if the word will make me feel as if I am constantly fighting. I don’t want to spend 2017 pushing against everything, some things, yes, but not everything.

I thought about choosing the word, “HOPE.” Hope is a word that makes me feel like the cliché: light at the end of the tunnel. It brings me thoughts that everything will eventually be okay. Hope is a good word, but I didn’t feel it would push me to act. I need 2017 to be a year of action. I need to do more. I need to work harder at advocacy. I need to work harder at my writing. I need to send more work out and write more letters to politicians and government officials. I would like to have even more of my writing that isn’t about schizophrenia published (this is important to me because it means I can define myself first as a writer not someone with schizophrenia).

For all of these reasons and much more, I am choosing the word, “ACT.” To act is what I hope for in 2017. Do you have a word for 2017?  If not, will you join me in ACT(ing) out the steps that make your dreams possible? Let’s ACT out the best people we can be, today, tomorrow and all of 2017.

25 Days of Kindness and Cheer

02 Friday Dec 2016

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Currently, there is so much hatred being planned and executed in the world. We need an avalanche of kindness, compassion, and concern. Count me in among the ones to take the first step on the mountain that makes the snow become unsteady and start to shift.

Thanksgiving is over. Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa and the New Year are right around the corner. We are in the midst of the holiday season, and this is the time I reach out more to strangers, smile more often at faces I don’t recognize, wish people well in almost every interaction, and buy coffee, meals, and presents for loved ones and strangers alike.

I love the holidays. I love the goodwill that is often shown to people in public and in private. This year, the election has left a country divided. Many people feel extreme anger, fear, and uncertainty about their future and the future of things they care about and love. There is no need to feel hopeless, though. Little actions done on a daily basis can change lives and change the world.

On Facebook, I announced that I was making an Advent calendar of kindness and cheer, and I asked people for suggestions. I know it is already December 2nd, but there are still many days left until Christmas to put these actions on your to-do list. I plan to write each of these things down, stick them in envelopes, shuffle the envelopes and then number them 1-25 (or 2-25 because we are starting a day late). I will open and complete one action each day until Christmas.

Here are highlights of some of the best suggestions I received:

  1. Buy coffee for a stranger in your favorite coffee shop
  2. Donate your magazines to a senior center
  3. Put money in someone else’s parking meter
  4. Offer to carry someone’s groceries
  5. Bake cookies, bread or a holiday treat for someone who is alone or elderly
  6. Make soup and gift it to people who rarely get a home cooked meal
  7. Buy $5 Starbucks or Subway cards and give them to people living on the street
  8. Serve a meal at a soup kitchen
  9. Donate food to a soup kitchen
  10. Buy a ham or turkey for a low-income family
  11. Offer to babysit for a single mom or dad
  12. Write a letter to a friend or relative
  13. Call someone you haven’t spoken to in a long time
  14. Donate coats and jackets to an organization that works with the homeless
  15. Buy socks for an organization that works with the homeless
  16. Donate sample sized shampoo and conditioner to an organization that works with the homeless
  17. Donate books to a women’s shelter
  18. Donate business clothes to an organization that helps people secure employment
  19. Smile and say hello to all the people you pass
  20. Sign up to do a 5K walk for an organization in your community
  21. Shovel snow or rake leaves for a neighbor
  22. Let someone go ahead of you in a line
  23. Tell your friends or family (or both) the things you most cherish about them
  24. Donate a toy (or gift) to foster children
  25. Clean out your closets and cupboards and donate all that you don’t use to Goodwill or another organization with a nonprofit thrift store.

Join me in spreading goodwill this holiday season. I’ll meet you where kindness and compassion live – let’s be neighbors.

 

Wellness This Holiday Season

25 Wednesday Nov 2015

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My husband and I have been doing a lot of visiting this holiday season (and will continue to do so until after the New Year). I thought staying in other people’s homes, and completely disrupting my routine would cause me to experience more symptoms than usual, but actually I haven’t. In fact, the reverse is true.

I think the reason I have been doing so well is that all the people we have been visiting with have known me since I was young, and before the onset of schizophrenia. I think this says a lot about support networks, familiarity and expectations.

I think most studies show that the treatment outcomes are the best for those people who are a part of a community. This would certainly prove true over the past week for me. Being around people that have known me almost my whole life, reminiscing with those people about shared memories, listening to them tell stories about things they have done since the last time I saw them, and having them expect me to help with grocery shopping, meal preparation, dishes, etc. has helped me to put my illness on the back burner somewhere and only think about it when it is time for medication, or in private conversations about the book I wrote (which has to do with living with schizophrenia).

I think being outside of my own head and having to concentrate on other people (what they are saying, what they are doing, and what they need, want, etc.) is good for me. I wouldn’t say that just being busy and being with people would always do me good though. I think the ingredient of trust and familiarity that I have with these people makes this such a winning combination.

At home, I give in to my desire to isolate socially, and to the symptoms round a lack of motivation. During this holiday season, I can’t isolate socially because people are always around, and not only do I want to visit with them, I am expected to visit with them. And not only do I want to contribute and make people’s lives easier, I am expected to contribute.

Because I have some insight into my condition and into social situations (not all people with schizophrenia do, and I lack that insight when psychotic) I am able to understand the expectations that others have of me, and to respond to those expectations in order to avoid negative social consequences like people thinking I am lazy, rude, inconsiderate, etc.

Experiencing those social expectations in an environment where I am safe has turned out to be positive – it keeps me engaged and it keeps me contributing to the community.

It is impossible for me to be around the people I have visited all year long, because our lives have taken all of us to different cities and in different directions, but if I was going to give advice to someone recently diagnosed with schizophrenia, I would say, surround yourself with people you can trust and people who knew you before your illness set in – those people will have ways of bringing you outside of your mind (great for those of us with a mental illness), they will have stories that can make you remember who and how you were, they will expect things of you that may help you to function at a higher level.

It is possible that these benefits will only last a short period of time and if I were around the same people all year, I would isolate myself, spend most of the time in my own mind, and lose my motivation for helping to do daily chores. I don’t know. I do know I have a lot to be thankful for this holiday season.

I have been a part of something larger than me. I have been a part of the lives of so many. It may be short lived, but I feel an increased level of hope for my today and my tomorrows. Hope is the gift I have received this holiday season and it wasn’t on my list. If it isn’t on your list, I hope you are surprised by its arrival like I was. I hope hope visits you as well.

Being Mentally Ill And The Holidays

19 Thursday Nov 2015

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Thanksgiving is one week away. I don’t know how it happened, but the holidays are here, and the stress of the holidays is about to go into fifth gear. The goal of anyone with a mental illness should be to keep it in neutral and coast down the hill to the New Year without anxiety, depression, paranoia, psychosis, or any other symptom (all of which can be made worse by stress).

As we move into the most stressful, and for many people depressing, time of the year please take care of yourself. No matter which holidays you celebrate (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanza, The New Year), remember what the meaning behind these holidays are – gratefulness, hope, joy, peace, love, new beginnings, etc.) .  Try to focus on the bigger picture and not on the little things.

There have been many years when I have bought the most beautiful holiday cards, and I didn’t address or send one of those cards. I had the best intentions, but I failed at completing the task.

There have been many years when I bought all the ingredients to make five to ten holiday cookies to give out to coworkers and friends, and by the next holiday, I ended up throwing all the ingredients away.

There have been many years when I thought I would buy all my friends a holiday gift, but it ended up being too expensive to get them anything that wasn’t going to end up in the trash.

For people with a mental illness, the holidays can seem overwhelming and filled with high hopes, and big failures. These failures can end up making us feel worse about ourselves. All of this coupled with the social events or gatherings with family and friends that are not pleasant for everyone. Not everyone has good family relationships, and for all of us, extra people and social interactions mean added stress.

My holiday wish list for you:

That you will know you are enough with or without gifts.

That you will remember that taking care of yourself is a loving act.

That you will find joy in the little things like candy canes, mocha, or eggnog.

That you will remind yourself of all the things you have to be thankful for.

That you will know that at least one other person is thankful for you.

That you will feel the magic of the season in someone’s smile, or small act of kindness.

That you will feel like sharing part of what you have with someone less fortunate.

That your heart will grow bigger with compassion, empathy, and love for you fellow human beings.

I wish you the best holiday season you have ever had and I pray that means you are symptom free so you can enjoy some of the best ideas that life has to offer – joy, peace, hope, love.

I will be here on A Journey with You if you need me.