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A Journey With You

~ surviving schizophrenia

A Journey With You

Tag Archives: poems

Christmas Gifts From Me To You

12 Saturday Dec 2015

Posted by A Journey With You in Uncategorized

≈ 28 Comments

Tags

blog planner, books, Christmas, classes, coloring books, devotionals, e-books, free, freebies, gifts, holiday, kindle, magazines, newsletters, poems, presents, santa, writers, writing, zen

Buying Christmas gifts makes me feel good. I would be happy if I could afford to buy all of you a gift this year. I would even be happy if I had all of your addresses and could send you all a card. I can’t do either of these things, but I put together this list of freebies for you, and I am hoping you will download, or sign up to receive at least one of them. If you do receive one of them, please put it under the tree with a tag on it that says, Merry Christmas, from Rebecca!

  1. Free Blog Planner http://avirtuouswoman.org/free-blog-planner/
  2. Free Blog Planner http://eliteblogacademy.com/free-blog-planner/
  3. Free Blogging Printables http://cortinsession.com/free-blogging-printables-2015-blog-planner/
  4. Free Adult Coloring Pages http://www.easypeasyandfun.com/free-coloring-pages-for-adults/
  5. Free Zen and Anti-Stress Coloring Pages http://www.coloring-pages-adults.com/coloring-zen/
  6. Free Kindle Books on Amazon http://www.amazon.com/b?node=2245146011
  7. Free Magazines http://freebies.about.com/od/booksmagazines/fl/free-magazines.htm
  8. Free Online Classes http://www.openculture.com/freeonlinecourses
  9. Free Writing Courses http://study.com/articles/10_Universities_Offering_Free_Writing_Courses_Online.html
  10. Free Newsletters (Best of) http://greatist.com/discover/subscribe-to-these-newsletters
  11. Daily Devotionals (Best of) https://www.biblegateway.com/devotionals/
  12. Daily Motivational Quotes http://www.daily-motivational-quote.com/
  13. A little Bit of This and A little Bit of That (You can sign up for the free products and donate them to a homeless shelter if you can’t use them.) http://www.totallyfreestuff.com/
  14. Poem-A-Day https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem-day
  15. Free e-books http://www.bookrix.com/books.html

 

The Thief That is Mental Illness

05 Tuesday May 2015

Posted by A Journey With You in mental illness, schizophrenia, writing

≈ 19 Comments

Tags

mental health, mental illness, poems, poetry, psychiatry, psychology, psychosis, schizophrenia, writing

There is a lot of shame that comes from being psychotic. The bizarre things you say and do, and for someone who lived “undercover” for twenty years, it was almost impossible to explain away the hallucinations and delusions. Shame isn’t the only thing that periodic episodes of psychosis have left me with.

Psychosis has stolen my keepsakes. When I am psychotic, for whatever reason (some irrational delusion, or a voice tells me to) I throw away all the things I have been keeping that are sentimental.  I have thrown away all my baby pictures, all the pictures of my grandparents, all my former writing, artwork that friends made for me, etc.

It is heartbreaking. I try not to think about it. The regrets from a mental illness already stack up like a Lego tower, and I don’t want to add more heartache to that tower for fear it will one day tip over and take me with it.

The things I have missed most are the pictures and my early writing.

Before I was diagnosed with a mental illness I was becoming a successful poet.  After I was diagnosed, the medication dulled all of my creativity. I stopped writing completely for many years. The loss of the ability to write was one of the most painful losses I have experienced in my life.  After twenty years, and the correct medication, I can write again, but I am still not even close to having the level of creativity I had in my twenties, pre-diagnosis.

Yesterday, a package arrived from a friend I have known for over twenty years.

When I opened the package, the tears started immediately. Inside, was some of my writing from 1993.  I read through it immediately.

Wow, I miss that young woman. Wow, that young woman had guts, and hope, and ideas.  Wow, that young woman was truly an artist and activist.

Here are a few things that young woman, who was smashed in her prime, had to say before the chemicals in her mind went in all different directions due to genes and medication:

“I don’t have a label for her. Maybe, that is why I love her. There is no container to keep her confined.”

Then there is this poem:

He is my everything, my all, my more (never less),

my hope, my dream, my soar to the sky,

my crash to the earth,

my tongue all tied,

his ears always open.

Our throats deep with the syrup we do drink

from one another.

And a very short poem:

Just Say Sleep

A little nap

a few Z’s

go to bed early…

wake up late.

Life’s internal way to cope.

Sleep is the dope,

I use too much.

There is much more.  Mental illness is a thief. If had spent the last twenty two years building on her writing…twenty two years is a long time to grieve the loss of a young woman in her prime.  I got a glimpse of her again through her writing.  I missed her today, more than usual.

Open Heart Surgery (a poem)

03 Sunday May 2015

Posted by A Journey With You in poems I wrote, writing

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

contest, heart surgery, poems, poetry, writing

One of my poems won a poetry contest.  You can read it here:

http://brightlypress.com/p/contest-winners

One of My Poems Published

08 Wednesday Apr 2015

Posted by A Journey With You in articles I wrote

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

divorce, love, poems, poetry, steve kowit

My mentor sent this in for publication just before he died.  I can’t tell you how much it means to me to see it on the Internet and in print this morning. Thank you, Steve. You continue to be good to me.

http://www.sandiegoreader.com/news/poetry/

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