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A Journey With You

Tag Archives: psychiatry

Who has the Authority to Write About Mental Illness?

29 Monday Oct 2018

Posted by A Journey With You in bipolar, hope, mental illness, relationships, schizophenia, stigma, Uncategorized

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

bipolar, brain disease, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, psychiatry, psychology, schizoaffective disorder, schizophrenia], Voice, writing

I came out publicly (including family and friends) with my diagnosis three or four years ago. Since that time, I have fought very hard to try and show people with schizophrenia living lives that are similar to those without the illness. I have fought to make people like me seen as friends, partners, sisters, brothers, daughter, sons, aunts, uncles, parents, etc. And I still think we need more people with schizophrenia writing these stories. The stories of a successful life despite a severe mental illness.

I had something happen to me the other day that broadened my view and made me feel guilty, sad, and like I wasn’t telling the whole story. I met a mother online whose son’s life is nothing like mine.  Many times I have written about the mentally ill who are homeless or in prison but rarely do I write about those with schizophrenia, or schizoaffective disorder who can’t live alone, who are medication resistant, or who never get to the point of managing their symptoms.

It isn’t that I was unaware of people who need more care like inpatient treatment or a group home. I am constantly aware of that because I have a cousin who currently requires that level of treatment. But I was fighting. Fighting for stories of success, fighting for stories of hope, and fighting for stories that I rarely heard, read, or saw in books, movies, or television.

There were many times when I was frustrated by parents and adult children for writing the stories about the illness and leaving those of us with the actual illness without a voice, or way of telling a different narrative. I realize now, that there is room, if we allow it, for all of the narratives about mental illness. There is room for us to talk and hear from those in prison, there is room for us to hear from those on the street, there is room for us to hear from the children of someone with a brain disease, and there is room for mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers to tell their stories.

All of these stories matter and can help improve our understanding of schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar disorder and other illnesses that impact an individual and the ones who love them. I only hope that with so many people writing about the tragedy of mental illness that stories like mine and stories like other people I know won’t get lost, or not be as valuable (because they don’t fall into our comfort zone or understanding).

I hope along with the stories of sadness, pain, struggle, and grief that stories of hope and possibility continue to find space in popular culture. For years, the heartbreaking stories have captured our imaginations and driven the cultural response; I only hope that we continue to make room for the voices of those who have lived experience because like a kaleidoscope with one blacked out spot, the view is not complete, or as colorful, or as interesting without seeing the whole picture.

Being A Rock and Needing A Rock: The Two Sides to my Mental Illness

28 Sunday Aug 2016

Posted by A Journey With You in bipolar, caregivers, mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

anxiety, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, psychiatry, psychology, relationships, schizophrenia]

(If you have been reading my blog for a while, you know that I don’t feel sorry for myself. I frequently write about the beauty I find and see in life even though I battle with a severe mental illness. I don’t want people to think that my illness does not impact my life, though. It would not be accurate or truthful to say that living with schizophrenia is easy. For me, and many others, it is not. Yesterday I posted something that was 100% positive so I thought I would give a little glimpse into the struggles that some of us with schizophrenia go through as well. I am not complaining. This essay reveals another side to living with mental illness).

I’m not always sick or experiencing symptoms of my illness. There are hours, and when I am lucky, whole days, where my symptoms are not present and I am just an average woman going about my life. During these asymptomatic times, I simply don’t stand out.

Forty-one days ago my husband’s aunt was moved into hospice. We immediately drove to Los Angeles hoping to beat the march of death and tell her good-bye. We were able to be with her, and her immediate family for eleven hours in the hospital. I was able to share memories, comfort her daughters and enjoy the company of extended family during a difficult, sad, stressful and solemn time. I managed the whole day with calm, serenity, strength and grace. I was able to say good-bye to someone I cared about without worrying at all about schizophrenia.

A few days later, we went back to Los Angeles for my husband’s aunt’s funeral. When we walked into the chapel, anxiety overwhelmed me. I couldn’t sit still. I went downstairs to the bathroom. I walked back up and sat in a pew. I walked outside. I could not get comfortable. I told my husband I was struggling. After a half hour of him trying to help me overcome my symptoms, my husband said, “You need to take some more medication today.” I did so willingly because I knew that he was right.

My husband and I spent the ceremony in the car trying to relieve my symptoms. When it came time to move to the graveside for the burial, I tried to join the other people mourning. I walked downhill and stood near the casket. I couldn’t stay, though. After a few minutes, I made my way back to the car. I climbed into the back seat and tried to nap (usually a higher dose of my medication will put me to sleep for a while). Before I knew it, my husband was in the car, and we were on our way to having dinner with a large group of family and friends.

I thought sleeping would help and that my symptoms would be gone but they weren’t. I was hoping that some food would calm me down. At the restaurant, I ate as much as I could. I still felt shaky and anxious. My niece asked me to go shopping with her. We went shopping and stopped by Starbucks. By the time we returned, most people were saying their good-byes.

It wasn’t until we got in the car and started to drive home that my symptoms finally subsided. I said to my husband, who had been so helpful to me all day, “I am fine now.”

There are times when I can be the support that my loved ones need and there are times when I need their support to enable me to get through a day with schizophrenia. For me, the illness is unpredictable, and that means I have to accept my weaknesses when they are present and stand firm in my strength when I have a full supply.

My Latest Essay on Drunken Boat

24 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by A Journey With You in articles I wrote, mental illness, schizophenia, Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Art, artist, essay, history, insider art, mental illness, outside art, paintings, psychiatry, psychotic, writing

I hope you will read my latest essay on Drunken Boat. It is about “Outsider Art.”  I think those of you who have any connection to mental illness will find the essay interesting. If you do read it, please let me know what you think of my opinion of “Outsider Art.”

Learning Not to Make Assumptions Especially Regarding Dis/ability

23 Tuesday Aug 2016

Posted by A Journey With You in bipolar, caregivers, hope, mental illness, relationships, schizophrenia, stigma

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

assumptions, disability, disabled, helping, hope, inspiration, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, psychiatry, psychology, relationships, schizophrenia], understanding

When I had my job downtown, and I used to take the bus or walk to work, I regularly encountered my city’s growing population of homeless people. Many of the people I walked past asked me for money. I occasionally give money to homeless people, but I prefer to buy them a meal. With this preference in mind, I went grocery shopping and bought bread, peanut butter, and grape jelly. That night before going to bed, I made eight to ten peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I carefully packed them all back into the bread sack and took the sack with me on my way to work the next day.

I offered a sandwich to every person I saw asking for money on the street. Not one person took the sandwich. (I ended up giving them away to my coworkers). I learned a few lessons that day that extends to other areas of life and people. The most import lesson was, don’t assume you know what other people want or need.

It is possible that every person I encountered that day had already had breakfast at one of the local shelters, or even at Starbucks or a convenience store. It is also possible that some of the people I offered sandwiches to had schizophrenia and like me don’t trust taking food from other people. It is possible that living on the streets as a vulnerable person, they have learned that not all people wish them well (we have had many beatings and even murders of homeless people in the last year). There are many reasons for not taking a sandwich from a stranger. I can’t possibly think of all of them, and it is possible that each person had a different reason.

Not assuming what other people want or need extends to all the people and relationships in our lives, but especially to those living with a dis/ability. People often think that they know what is best for someone with a dis/ability or what that person would want or need. These assumptions are where well-meaning people frequently give advice about nutritional supplements, exercise, spiritual practices, etc. believing that if the person with a dis/ability would just do something differently, their dis/ability may be more manageable or may be “cured.” This advice, unless asked for, is mostly unwanted, belittling and at times degrading and damaging.

I don’t believe that any nutritional supplement or any diet, vegan or otherwise will clear up my schizophrenia. I also don’t believe that God is somehow punishing me, and if I just prayed more, or prayed the right way or put the Bible on my head and did a jig that God would heal me. I most certainly don’t think demons possess me.

If someone asks for your advice about diet, exercise, spirituality then that person is open to suggestions and ideas about those things. If someone doesn’t ask, it is possible they are already getting the best treatment available to them, and those types of comments will come as an insult even though they were not intended that way.

When someone says, “If you went completely vegan and gluten free, your symptoms would clear up,” those of us with a dis/ability hear, “You don’t know your illness. You don’t know your body. Your doctors (even if they have been working with you for years) don’t know as much as I do. You aren’t doing everything you can to be “well.””

When you have an illness and are open about it, people will say all kinds of well-meaning things that don’t land on our ears or heart or mind in well-meaning ways. The most harmful thing that people say to me and someone says it every few months is “You don’t have a mental illness. You are full of demons.” What I hear when someone says that is, “God doesn’t love you.”

Saying a person with schizophrenia has demons is particularly cruel because we frequently experience delusions and hallucinations that have to do with God or religion. After those episodes are over, if we still want to practice our faith, we have to figure out by ourselves how to get back to a sort of mainstream Christian belief system (or whatever religion that person practices – I am Christian and have only heard this from Christians). If schizophrenia was caused by demons and not an illness why wouldn’t more people struggle with it, and as I always ask, why would medication be able to chase demons away?  Are demons opposed to living in someone who takes anti-psychotics?

I don’t assume I know what life is like in a wheelchair. I don’t assume I know what life is like with MS. I need to ask people who have a dis/ability that is different than mine questions and not hit them with answers. Hitting someone with a dis/ability with an answer before you know their circumstances, symptoms, struggles, is giving them one more thing to feel misunderstood, isolated, angry, or other negative thoughts and/or emotions.

My life is good, and so are many other people’s with dis/abilities, but like everyone else, we don’t need one more thing to drag us down. I try not to be a weight to others, let’s all try it together and maybe all of our struggles will seem lighter as we enlighten each other about the thing we know best – ourselves.

I Have Schizophrenia and Desire Understanding not Pity (Psych Central

30 Monday May 2016

Posted by A Journey With You in bipolar, mental illness, relationships, schizophrenia, stigma, writing

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

bipolar, depression, essay, Facebook, hope, inspiration, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, Psych Central, psychiatry, relationships, schizophrenia], social media, writing

I hope you will pop over to Psych Central and read my latest blog post. It is about the changing climate of social media and how that impacts how I view myself and my illness.

It is here: http://goo.gl/jmSXLk

New Post on Psych Central

23 Monday May 2016

Posted by A Journey With You in bipolar, caregivers, mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized, writing

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

advocacy, Advocate, artists, bipolar, Bob Dylan, discrimination, feminism, feminist, genius, mental health, mental illness, music, psychiatry, psychology, schizophrenia], stigma, writing

I have a new blog post up on Psych Central. It is about being an imperfect advocate. It mentions Bob Dylan, feminism, and stereotypes.

I hope you will pop over there and read it.

http://goo.gl/Ot4wtb

On Ignorance, Outrage and xojane (CW:Suicide)

21 Saturday May 2016

Posted by A Journey With You in bipolar, hope, mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized, writing

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

articles, bipolar, essays, hope, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, psychiatry, psychology, schizophrenia], suicide, writing, xojane

Earlier this week an article was posted on xojane’s web page titled, “My Former Friend’s Death Was a Blessing.” I would link to the article, but it is no longer there. An apology from the editor is in its place. The premise of the article was that a young woman’s death was better than living her life with a mental illness.

When I first read the article, my breath caught in my throat, and my heart started to quicken. “Is this real?” I asked. “The author thinks people with a mental illness are better off dead?” I spent the remainder of that day reading responses and posts from all across the Internet. The reaction was swift. The outrage was real.

I wasted a whole day feeling bad knowing that some people believe mentally ill people are better off dead than alive.

I read the article again. The article is the voice and opinion of one woman, a woman who doesn’t know the symptoms of mental illness. The writer seemed to sloppily include details in her essay to try and prove what a “miserable” life her former friend had. She includes things like a messy room and Facebook posts, and claims the woman was delusional but doesn’t give any examples of specific delusions her former friend had.

It was a poorly written article by an extremely ignorant person. I am certain the author knew it would be controversial, but I am equally certain she knows nothing about mental illness. In an interview with the Daily Dot, the author said, “Do you know the laws in America? You can’t just put away mentally ill people even if they need help.”

Those “mentally ill people” happen to number in the millions, and when you consider all of their loved ones and friends, the number of people touched by mental illness is probably at least half of the population. After all, one in four Americans suffers from a mental illness in their lifetime.

I have frequently written that the Internet lights up and shoots fire every time there is a racist or homophobic article (rightfully so).  I have also pointed out that this isn’t the case when horrible stuff is written involving the mentally ill. I have never seen outrage over the use of the words, crazy, psycho, tinfoil hat, insane, psycho, etc. Those words are common in our interactions on the Internet and our speech.

I have constantly felt on the outside. I have frequently felt that me, and people like me, are the punch line of people’s jokes, and little is being done to change this culture.

How fitting that the Internet finally responded to a hateful article written about the mentally ill during Mental Health Awareness Month.

What did I learn during my lost day trying to process this article? Some people (a whole lot of them) care about the mentally ill as much as they do about all of us considered “others.”

People care!  Damn, I couldn’t be happier to know that. The outrage was beautiful. Thank you to everyone who wrote a response, left a comment, and wrote to the editors. That article said I would be better off dead and thousands and thousands of you proved that you don’t believe that.

I’ll take a poorly written article that shows the author’s ignorance any day if that article is going to receive the kind of response that “My Former Friend’s Death Was a Blessing” received. I know now that most people care about all marginalized people and not just some. I know now that people will speak up and fight for me and those like me.

We matter. We matter. Damn right, we matter.

Thanks, people. Thanks every single one of you. This writer’s heart broke open and saw goodness, compassion, and care in ways I’ve never seen it before. The ignorance doesn’t sting as much when I accept and acknowledge all of the support.

Thank you.

We can combat ignorance and hate against all people, one article at a time.

Links to a few of the responses:

Salon: http://www.salon.com/2016/05/20/worst_personal_essay_ever_xojane_scrapes_the_bottom_of_the_hate_read_barrel/

Jezebel:

http://jezebel.com/xojane-publishes-terrible-article-by-a-woman-who-s-glad-1777778960

Luna Luna:

http://www.lunalunamagazine.com/blog/xo-jane-former-friend-death-was-a-blessing

 

 

 

Two Very Good Articles About Schizophrenia

18 Wednesday May 2016

Posted by A Journey With You in Uncategorized

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

articles, blogs, interviews, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, Psych Central, psychiatry, psychology, schizophrenia], writing

I was interviewed for both of these articles. I think they are very well written and incredibly informative.

Lesser Known Schizophrenia Symptoms Which Actually Have a Great Impact.

Outdated Notions About Schizophrenia.

FYI- I will resume writing on my Psych Central blog tomorrow.  I will post a link here to new content.

 

 

 

 

Good Housekeeping, Woman’s Day and Dr. Oz

16 Monday May 2016

Posted by A Journey With You in articles I wrote, mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized, writing

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

articles, essays, hope, magazines, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, psychiatry, psychology, published, schizophrenia], writing

An article I wrote came out on three national publications today.

I didn’t title the article. I don’t identify with the word, “schizophrenic” as most of you know. I prefer to be address as a person who has schizophrenia.

Here is the article on Dr. Oz. 

Here is the article on Good Housekeeping.  

Here is the article on Woman’s Day.  

I would love it if you would read it and share it.

Thanks!

 

When The Bluebird Sings (Trigger Warning -Suicide)

15 Friday Apr 2016

Posted by A Journey With You in hope, mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized, writing

≈ 23 Comments

Tags

bluebird, death, depression, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, psychiatry, psychology, schizophrenia], song bird, spirit animal, suicide, symbolism, trigger warning, writing

The bluebird is a messenger of the Divine. They fly side by side with angels. (From Universe of Symbolism)

I just hung up the phone from talking to my brother. One of his friend’s, daughter also had schizophrenia.

Sing me a song bluebird.

I say had, because she found a gun, found the cartridge, put the two together, took a walk and never came back.

Sing me a song bluebird.

Her father goes through all the “what if’s” and the “if only,” his pain so raw and his mind searching for answers.

I know the voices she heard. I know the terror. I know the fear. I know how they tell you to take your own life. They demand it, and some of us give in. Fighting voices is a serious battle, one some of us will never win.

Sing me a song bluebird.

I find her on the path where her body was discovered. I hold her in my arms. I want to tell her, “Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Beautiful girl there can be love, there can be children, and there can be a career. There can be sunsets, and harvest moons, and a swim in the ocean. There can be life. You were barely past childhood and the oyster would reveal her pearl to you, in time.”

Sing me a song bluebird.

All of us who live with schizophrenia are warriors. Sleep little warrior. Dream. Dream of us all in a place where there is quiet but no desperation. Dream us all in a place where there is light but no interrogations. Dream us all in a place where our minds are not the enemy but the connection to our heart and to our joy. Dream. Dream. Dream.

Sing me a song bluebird.

Sing me a song, show me a sign. 

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