Tag Archives: racism

Mental Illness (Brain Diseases) in the News

06 Wednesday Jun 2018

Posted by in bipolar, caregivers, mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

Over the past two weeks, the public learned of three celebrities who are, or were, living with bipolar disorder, and rather than the media using this as the perfect time to educate people about mental illness, the cause of it, the symptoms of it, the available treatment options, many people fell back on stigma.
Many people questioned how Kate Spade could be so selfish as to take her life when she would be leaving behind a daughter, and I read a lot of misunderstanding about her “having everything.” These statements assume that Kate Spade was in her “right mind.”
Depression is not only the thief of joy it is a liar. Depression tells many people that their loved ones would be better off without them. Depression is more than just a feeling that a jog, trip to the spa, or a lunch with friends, can help someone overcome. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain. It is not weakness, just like schizophrenia, it is a brain disease.
I heard a report that Kate had been self-medicating with alcohol for some years and that she didn’t feel like she could get help because of the impact that attention would have on her brand. That is the stigma, and it costs us the lives of people. The tragedy that ended Kate’s life might have been different if we were more educated, accepting, and open about the realities of mental illness.
On the other end of this, is Kayne West admitting that at 39 he received the diagnosis of bipolar disorder and that bipolar disorder is his superpower. I don’t know the details of Kayne’s illness, but I do know what romanticizing mental illness is and what it sounds like and that is what Kayne is doing. Having received a diagnosis of bipolar disorder in my twenties, the first thing I did was to read about all the “creative geniuses” who have and had it.
I thought that my creativity was a symptom of bipolar disorder. All these years later, and with a diagnosis of schizophrenia now, I don’t believe my creativity comes from my illness. I think I would have been far more successful in this life if I didn’t have to manage and deal with a brain disease – it impacts me every day, and it is disruptive and hinders me from my full potential.
Then there was Rosanne Barr and her racist tweet. I am sorry that Roseanne Barr has bipolar disorder, I am sorry for every single person, famous, or homeless (it doesn’t matter) who has to deal with the consequences of a brain disease, but Rosanne made mental illness look like a character flaw. Being bipolar doesn’t excuse racism, and it doesn’t create it either. Bipolar disorder can hinder impulse control, cause disordered thinking, cause delusions or strange beliefs, but a diagnosis doesn’t automatically mean you will be a racist – that has to do with character and personality and isn’t a symptom I have heard of regarding any mental illness.
I don’t know everything about mental illness, statistics and my experience are all I have to form conclusions. I do know that when mental illness is in the news this much that the media rarely helps us out with educational and stigma-busting information.

 

Self-Help, Progress, and Schizophrenia

06 Tuesday Mar 2018

Posted by in mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

I bought two new journals. I have dozens of blank journals with monsters, flowers, and quotes on the covers, for me to fill the pages of, but these two new journals are not blank. One is, Start Where You Are: a Journal for Self-Exploration and the other is, 52 Lists for Happiness.

I don’t know why I am such a sucker for happiness related books, journals, exercises, etc. I don’t think I am unhappy. In fact, I feel happy most of the time. If there were something I would like to improve in my life, it is two symptoms of schizophrenia and the lower back pain I feel. The two symptoms of schizophrenia I would like to lessen are anxiety (because this impacts every area of life) and a lack of motivation. The lower back pain needs no further explanation.

There are all kinds of happiness books. Why is happiness such a big industry in the United States? Is it because most people are not happy? I think that happiness books are like coloring books or self-help books (of any variety). According to Quartz, Goodreads data suggests it is mostly women who read them. (In 2017 self-help was an eleven billion dollar industry.) Maybe we think there must be a way to be happier than we are. Is it the comparisons we make on our social media accounts? Sally and Jessica always seem so much happier than I feel, maybe there is a secret to it, so we consume yet another thing trying to make our way to an ever elusive place of happiness.

The fact that I buy these happiness (self-help) books proves that I am unremarkable. I am an average, college educated, middle-aged, married, middle income, woman, living in an urban environment, and I do average, middle-aged, married, middle income, college educated, urban dweller, woman like-things. The only thing that stands out about me is that I have schizophrenia (of course, this is overly simplistic, there are a million little things about me that make me unique). But the point is, all the stereotypes about schizophrenia don’t leave room, or space, for the truth about the people who live with it. And there are many truths.

Stereotypes are tricky because there is often a small bit of reality to them that make them stick. For instance, has any mass shooter ever had schizophrenia? Yes. Has anyone with schizophrenia ever worn a tin foil hat? Yes. Has a person with schizophrenia ever been violent? Yes. But, are we referring to the majority of people with schizophrenia? No. In fact, those stereotypes refer to a very small number of people with the disease/disorder. Saying these things are true of everyone with schizophrenia is the same as saying all people with schizophrenia are middle-aged women – obviously not even close to true.

There is so much to learn about marginalized people. I never tire of reading articles about people with disabilities, the nuances of racism, the language and struggles of the LGBTQ community and all the articles/work coming out about feminism. This is one of the most frightening (bigoted, misogynistic, homophobic, racist) times I can remember living in, but at the same time, there is so much progress by some groups to further our understanding, our acceptance, and the very civil rights of various groups. I hope that schizophrenia doesn’t get left in the dust. I hope that those of us with schizophrenia will keep in step with other marginalized groups and find our feet further along the path; the path that leads to better lives for all of us.  Somewhere in that statement, there is happiness.

 

Everyone has an Opinion: Identity Politics

01 Thursday Dec 2016

Posted by in mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized, writing

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

My head is spinning, and I don’t know which direction to take my thoughts. I have read much more than usual over these past two years trying to educate myself on racial issues, disability issues, LGBTQ issues and many other things that fall under identity politics. I have gone in so many directions by reading that I am at a standstill. I have been silenced for months now. I am afraid to speak up and afraid to have an opinion.

In the current political climate of increased hatred where people of color or people dressed in religious clothing fear harassment and possibly violence, I have watched actions of solidarity (like wearing a safety pin) to identify allies in public, be torn apart by people claiming it is a sign of privilege. People also claim it is too little too late, and generally a stupid idea. People have criticized the act of wearing a safety pin as something that only benefits the wearer making them feel good (like they can pat themselves on the back for not being a part of the problem).

When acts of hatred started to increase with a terrifying frequency in this country I wanted to do something to let people know, I didn’t feel the same way as the people perpetrating these acts. When I heard about the safety pin, I pinned one to my shirt the next time I went out. In a museum, a woman of color also was wearing a safety pin. We spoke about our fear, our sadness, our desire to represent something other than division and hatefulness in the world. We wanted people to know we would not sit idly by if someone decided to harass them. Of course, I didn’t think wearing a safety pin was the only thing I could do or even the only thing I should do. I made a renewed commitment to try and read more essays from marginalized voices. I immediately started calling on my senators and representatives.

Even though I had a wonderfully human moment while wearing the safety pin, I only left the house once wearing one. I read so much criticism and so many people trying to shame people who only wanted to find a concrete way to show support in public that I was afraid to act. I was afraid of offending the very people I was trying so hard to show that I am an ally.

I am not immune to hatred. I have a husband who is brown, and I have a severe mental illness (schizophrenia – the most stigmatized of the mental illnesses). Also, I have spent two years trying to educate myself on the reality of other marginalized groups. In other words, I am not the enemy. I may not always make choices that suit everyone regarding how I go about being an ally, but my heart is always in the right place which is to stay I stand beside and not in front of the oppressed. Can I use more education? Yes, I think that I will need to continue my education until I die. I will never be perfect. I will never be completely “woke” to every instance of racism, homophobia, transphobia, sexism, Islamophobia, etc.

I have read enough articles and essays to be aware that this piece of writing would probably be torn apart by some for what is called “white fragility.”  White fragility is the inability of white people to accept the calling out of their privilege. Look, let’s get real here: I see the people like me filthy dirty, with torn clothes, matted hair and yelling in the street. I see the media portrayal of people like me as dangerous serial killers. I see the people like me (who account for half of all of those shot by police) killed by bullets. I see the people like me being warehoused in prisons instead of hospital or community treatment. I see the people like me dying an average of twenty years sooner than their peers. I know and live stigma and discrimination every single day. I may be white, but I am also a part of a group that is dehumanized every single day by huge numbers of people, organizations, the media, etc.

During this election cycle, I have seen derogatory mental health terms used over and over again to describe one of the candidates. I have seen hatred and bigotry ascribed to mental illness (which is so far from accurate). I have seen more use of the words, lunatic, unhinged, crazy, tinfoil hat, etc. It has been widespread and those terms repeatedly being used by many of the same critics of the safety pin and those who would shame others for not being fully “woke” on every issue.

I may always come under fire from those I want to support, but the same is not true for those who want to support me or people like me. If you want to be an ally to the mentally ill, I am going to ask you to keep reading what I and others with a mental illness write. Please keep supporting our voices in publications and on popular websites. Please try to understand us and if you can think of a way to let me know that you care about my experience and safety, I won’t shame you. I promise. I will welcome you as an ally. If you want to wear a safety pin to support people with schizophrenia, I would be thankful, and I might even buy you a cup of coffee. We could talk about the fact that my favorite breed of dog is the French bulldog and how I wasn’t a cat person until I inherited a cat from my brother’s partner who died from AIDS.  You know, we could just talk and get to know each other instead of adding to this division we could add building blocks of friendship and humanity. Because that’s what it all comes down to folks – being human- it’s tough, and it’s beautiful, and we are imperfect as hell.

Not One of Us but All of Us

31 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by in bipolar, caregivers, hope, mental illness, relationships, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

Yesterday while I was on Facebook, a picture of a man dressed all in tinfoil popped up in my newsfeed. Above the picture a friend of mine wrote, “There sure is a huge population of unmedicated paranoid schizophrenics in this world–sadly, with the Internet, and social media, they now feed each others’ delusions. Maybe I’m just paranoid?”

When I first saw this post, it stung. The man who wrote the post is gay, and common sense would say that a person who belongs to a stigmatized and oppressed group would have sympathy and empathy for another group of people who face some of the same challenges.

In the black community, some people use the word “woke” or “staywoke” to mean being aware of the issues in the community. The word or phrase has recently become popular across the Internet and with teenagers. Although the original meaning had to do with racial issues, it has now morphed into meaning staying aware of social issues. An interesting progression of the use of the word or phrase is in Fusion.

I don’t think that I am “woke” about all social issues. I don’t always catch a racist situation on television or in other media. I am not the person who can point to every gender stereotype in a movie or book. I’m not always up to date on the issues that still put the LGBTQ community at risk of discrimination. The point is I try, though. I care about all people and their civil rights and their right to live and shop and be safe without harassment. I believe in liberty and justice for all.

How do I try? I listen. I read. I read books from people who are a part of these oppressed communities. I actively seek friends on social media that have different experiences than I do. I watch what they post. I read articles that are important to them. I try to become increasingly more educated, sensitive and aware.

I am not perfect, and I don’t expect anyone else to be perfect. I ask for patience from the people who belong to communities where I don’t yet know all of the correct language or all of the meaningful events happening that directly affect them. I am slow, but I am trying.

What I want to ask people from these various communities, and groups is, are you giving equal effort to others who face discrimination that you hope people give to you?

If you only care about the issues that affect you personally, don’t attack those who don’t care about the injustices you face, because that is hypocritical.  It’s all of us or none of us.

I would love to earn the badge of “woke” by a community I stand up for and stand beside but am not necessarily a member. I would love to give out the badge of “woke” to people who get it about mental illnesses and champion our cause.  Some of you are on my list of recipients. I hope more people will want to earn that honor.

  • Update: The person who posted the offensive comment and picture on Facebook has made a very public and formal apology. One more person, one more step closer to being woke. We can all help change the world one heart and mind at a time. Ready? GO!

Good? Bad? Racist? Stereotypes?

01 Friday Jan 2016

Posted by in mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized

≈ 16 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

I read a very good blog post about this movie https://vimeo.com/139278058

Unfortunately I can’t post the movie here because the file type isn’t supported. I hope you will click the link above and watch Mermaid. It is a thirteen minute video about schizophrenia. The Mental Health Channel gave it the July Award for their film festival.

If you see any problems with it I hope you will contact the Mental Health Channel and let them know your concerns.  mhc@arcosfilms.com

Here is a blog post that points out what the writer thinks the problems are with the movie. I hope you will watch it first before reading her blog post, because I would love to hear your initial impressions before being influenced by someone else.

 

I Will Not Be Silent

31 Thursday Dec 2015

Posted by in mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized, writing

≈ 13 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I am not always sweet or kind when it comes to equality, discrimination, feminism, racism, and the treatment of the mentally ill.

I spend a good portion of every day on social media. One of the reasons I do that is to try to learn more about the intersection of mental illness with other marginalized populations. (I frequently find that I have a long way to go in understanding the best way to be an advocate for the mentally ill, women, people of color, and people who identify as LGBTQ). I’m not a perfect advocate for any cause, but I’m learning (as slow as that process is).

What I see on social media every day is that people like to feel good. They love to share cat videos, baby videos, and inspirational quotes. If you try to point out when someone has said something offensive, or ignorant, you can almost be sure that you will encounter a dismissive response like, “You are too sensitive” or “don’t take things so seriously.” I have seen a meme on Facebook that has made the rounds that says, “2015 will go down as the year that everyone took offense at everything.” I frequently hear people complain that everything has become too “politically correct.”

These dismissive responses are intended to silence the people who are speaking out. They allow people to go along with a status quo that they are comfortable living with because more often than not, that status quo benefits them in some way. If they were the ones being made fun of, put down, discriminated against, bullied, etc. then they would have a different experience (and one that can at times make people appear angry).

I like cat videos and baby videos. I also like inspirational and motivational quotes. That isn’t all the world is, though. I don’t have to feel good about everything. Injustices are happening daily and to turn our back on those injustices to make ourselves feel good is cowardly and insensitive. It also helps injustice to flourish.

We can’t always be polite, kind, silent, and agreeable. If we are going to address the tough issues that occur all around us every day, we need to speak out even if that makes people uncomfortable, even if it isn’t the “polite” thing to do. It may not be “polite” but it is just, and it is right.

I say some very unpopular things. I have lost some friends over it, but when it comes to erring on the side of “feel good” or the side of social justice and equality, I’m going to take a stand for the tough stuff even if that means I have fewer followers on Facebook.

I don’t mind making people uncomfortable. I am a person who is marginalized every day because of an illness in the same way that some people are marginalized for their skin color, or for their gender, or for their sexual orientation. None of us chose the things society uses to hold us back, see us as less than, or define us as “other.”

Because we didn’t choose these things, we are not to blame for them, and they are not wrong. I ask you to please not be among those who dismiss someone when they point out offensive speech, degrading comments, racist attitudes, jokes that were never funny, and bullying.

I know it isn’t as funny as a cat video or as uplifting as an inspirational quote. It is, however, the reality of millions of people, and I believe that we all want people to have the same chance to be safe, educated, employed, respected, valued, protected, and accepted as others. Who wouldn’t want that? Justice and equality are two of the most inspirational things that can exist. You can quote me on that.

 

Equality And Justice For All

28 Monday Dec 2015

Posted by in bipolar, mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Yesterday my husband and I watched Netflix all day because my back was hurting and the two of us came down with a cold. We watched an old movie, “Regarding Henry,” and we watched a documentary from 2007 called, “For the Bible Tells Me So.”

“Regarding Henry” is about an attorney, who isn’t a nice guy. He gets shot and has to learn everything all over again. It is about his transformation. It is a feel good movie.

“For the Bible Tells Me So” is a documentary about how many people in the church have treated their gay children and the things that many pastors and famous preachers have preached about being gay. It only got three stars on Netflix (probably because of a poorly done cartoon that explains studies scientists have done to find the cause of homosexuality, and it lists all the medical associations that no longer consider it a disorder). Besides the strange cartoon plopped in the middle of the documentary my husband and I both think it is worth watching.

Many people writing about mental illness call themselves advocates, and I want to suggest that if we are going to be effective advocates, we need to advocate for equality and inclusion for all people. I didn’t know this, but LGBTQ teens had a much higher rate of suicidal ideation and attempted suicide than the general population.

Suicide is a problem that should be on the radar of any mental health advocate. The other things that should be on our radar are the number of people of color locked in prisons and who suffer from a mental illness. Women should be on our radar too because it is a fact that doctors often dismiss their complaints or treat their pain in a much less aggressive manner than they do that of men. Also, the percentage of mentally ill women in prison is higher than that of men. 

I have known for a long time that there is an intersection between disability issues, feminism, racism, and LGBTQ issues. As someone who cares passionately about the issues regarding the mentally ill, and how we are perceived, treated, talked about, housed, etc. There is no way to move away from these other issues.

To be an educated advocate for the mentally ill and to understand all of the issues and how they intersect, collide, and combine with other issues, we need to start reading about feminism, racism, LGBTQ. The problems inherent in these movements are also our problems, not just because equality and justice are something we are fighting for, and we should help others to achieve – these issues have an impact on the mental health of Americans as a whole. The way I see it is that we must move forward hand in hand because if we leave one group behind that group will keep the rest of us from truly flourishing. Many of us are in this together.

Do I Have Schizophrenia, Or Am I Schizophrenic?

26 Saturday Dec 2015

Posted by in bipolar, mental illness, schizophrenia, stigma, Uncategorized

≈ 20 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Internalized racism is the closest term I can find for what I think happens to many people who are mentally ill.  Most of us living with schizophrenia haven’t had the diagnosis all of our lives. I was twenty-eight before my first diagnosis. At twenty-eight, I already had an opinion on mentally ill people. At that age, I didn’t know anyone who was mentally ill (or at least openly mentally ill). I was frightened of people who showed symptoms of being psychotic –talking to voices, yelling, etc. Like many people, that was my idea of “crazy.” Of course, when I received my diagnosis, all the images in movies, music videos and all the characters in books, etc. that were a depiction of the mentally ill became internalized. I thought of myself as all the stereotypes, all the myths, etc.

I was ashamed of my diagnosis (which at first was bipolar). In fact, I kept looking up all the famous people who were diagnosed with bipolar disorder to find hope, to put myself among geniuses, to build my fragile self-esteem. Later, when I received the diagnosis of schizophrenia I was, even more, ashamed because like everyone else I had heard and believed that it was the “most severe of the mental illnesses – the worst of the worst – a lost cause.”

I prefer to be called a person with schizophrenia. I prefer that all people recognize the fact that I am a person before identifying me as a person with schizophrenia. I prefer this in the exact way that people with other diseases identify – someone with cancer, a person with diabetes, etc. There is a kind of movement among people who have schizophrenia to call themselves, schizophrenics. That word hurts my heart and burns my ears. I am not a schizophrenic. I fight every day to be defined by things besides my illness. I am a woman. I am a wife, daughter, sister, friend, writer, etc. There are so many facets to my life, and I would hope that the very last way that people choose to identify me or know me as is a person with schizophrenia. It is an illness. I don’t want to be identified with that part of me that is the part I would get rid of, or cure if only I could.

But I don’t get to dictate the experience of others who have schizophrenia. I don’t even want to. I don’t want to silence the voices or the opinions of people who have the same illness as I do. In fact, I encourage people who want to write about, create, or produce something with a character that has a mental illness to include people with that mental illness in the process. We should be consulted about artwork, books, movies, etc. that depict us. We should have our say in how our experiences and illness is portrayed to the public. In essence, we should be allowed to write our  narrative.

So, with people who want to be called, schizophrenic, I am uncertain if it is pride they feel in their diagnosis – a way to identify that they are not ashamed of (in which case, that is great for them, but doesn’t work for me), or if they have internalized the messages that come daily from the media and from artists of all kinds suggesting that we are our illness. I don’t know the answer to this, and I assume there are some who have internalized negative messages, and others who are proud.

I do know that although I prefer one way over the other, my way is neither right nor wrong. People get to ask to be addressed or call themselves whatever they want. But I do hope that people who want to be called, schizophrenic don’t see themselves as their illness before they see the complexity of all the other things they are, but if they do, it isn’t my place to tell them to do things differently. I only hope it doesn’t create an atmosphere for me that I find insulting and limiting. I am so much more than a diagnosis, and I work hard for the world to see it and know it. I hope calling people, schizophrenic doesn’t become the norm – it doesn’t work at all for me.

Not All Doctors Have Empathy Or Understanding

26 Monday Oct 2015

Posted by in mental illness, stigma

≈ 23 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I belong to a blogging group on Facebook where bloggers can ask each other questions about traffic, fonts, product endorsements, etc. One blogger, a medical student, posted that she received an e-mail from someone on the Internet saying that her blog name was offensive. The blog name was a play on the diagnosis of OCD.

I am not going to reveal the name of the blog here, because I don’t need to cause myself any problems, but she asked the members of the group if they thought the name of her blog is offensive (she even said the psychiatry students thought it was “cute”). There were nearly 200 comments on this thread and some people tried to explain that, yes, the name is offensive, because it makes a very serious issue something light, fun, and playful. Most people (probably 99%) wrote that they thought people needed to stop being so sensitive, and to stop being so easily offended and basically to lighten up.

This was one clear example of trying to keep the status quo, and trying to keep a marginalized and voiceless community in their place. I don’t think anyone would dare tell a person of color that something they considered to be racism wasn’t really racism and they just needed to lighten up, stop being so sensitive and quit being offended by “every little thing.” The very act of telling a person of color those things is racism.

People don’t get to define what life is like for those of us with a mental illness. They don’t get to define what language we find offensive, hurtful or cruel. Many times in my life a person who is gay or a person of color has asked me not to use a certain word. I have always apologized, and discontinued the use of the word. I don’t try to defend myself by saying, “lighten up” or “stop being so sensitive.” I have believed those people’s experience of the world and of language. It is time to start believing people who have a mental illness.

After the medical student with the blog, asked her question about the name of her blog, she wrote, “Do you think I am just being paranoid?” I think this proves she has bigger problems than just an offensive blog name. I think she needs to go to sensitivity training before becoming a doctor. She proudly wrote to everyone in the group that she had already gone through her “psych rotation” All I can say is those poor patients.  Honestly.

Are There Limits To Your Advocacy?

17 Saturday Oct 2015

Posted by in mental illness, relationships, schizophrenia, stigma

≈ 15 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I don’t want the people at my husband’s office to know that I have schizophrenia. I know that some of them already know, because I have come out so publically about it, but if I had my way none of them would know.

The reason behind this is sad but simple, I don’t want people to look at my husband and think   “Why would you marry a woman with schizophrenia?”

I am no fool. I know what the majority of people think about having a mental illness, and particularly schizophrenia. I know from experience that even knowing me doesn’t change the lifetime of stereotypes built up in most people’s minds.

I have written so many articles about the language we use that is degrading to people with a mental illness and I have “friends” (and boy, do I use that term loosely), who seem to delight in using that language more than ever. I know that these people’s thoughts are small. The fact that they make personal attacks against me is actually immature and lame. I think it is because I am now a threat. I study. I read. I call people out on racism, sexism, mentalism, and any other forms of hate and bigotry when I see it. I call them out, because injustice and discrimination against even one group is too many and there is an intersection between all inequality and injustice. The intersection for me is that I am a woman who has a disability. The intersection for someone else might be that they are a person of color with a disability, or they are gay and a person of color.

In any case, I am calling people out. I know people don’t like to be called out. They don’t like to think that they are the ones who are displaying ignorance, discrimination, and hatred publically and openly. I get it. I have become the voice that many people don’t want to hear. I’m that uncomfortable person who lets people know their jokes are offensive and not funny. I get their resentment. I get their desire to live in their current way of thinking. Change isn’t easy – it comes with a price.

I can’t imagine how lonely it is for some people who have stood up in the past, or that continue to stand up. I haven’t found my people yet, those people who understand exactly what I mean and what I am fighting for, and why it is important not to stereotype, demonize, or dehumanize any group of people. I have a feeling I’m closer to discovering my crowd – people that will take the risks necessary to make people uncomfortable, and force change.

The truth is I think that I have guts and courage when it comes to a lot of things, but I am a ragdoll without bones when it comes to people judging my husband. He doesn’t care about other people’s judgement. He doesn’t care if they don’t understand the depth of true love that really does honor the vow – in sickness and in health.

I have to tell you though, he’s my weak spot where advocacy is concerned and I want to hide my illness to protect him. For that, I feel like my advocacy has limits and that I am a coward.