Tag Archives: resolutions

Going from the Status Quo to Pro

02 Wednesday Jan 2019

Posted by in bipolar, caregivers, hope, mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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I know I said I wasn’t going to make resolutions but to be completely transparent I spent three weeks before the New Year making them. Every other year, I have scratched a list out on New Year’s Eve, tossed it in a notebook and then dug it out late December to discover I hadn’t done a single thing on the list (or maybe, I had done one or two if I was lucky).

This year, I was fascinated by the process. I even started some of the resolutions as soon as I made them. For instance, I have been stretching (some would call it doing yoga) for twenty-five minutes every morning for two weeks now. I have also been walking forty minutes five days a week for a couple of weeks.

The thing I realized about all of my resolutions, is that they are all about trying to keep me healthy in mind, body, spirit. The other thing I realized, thanks to one of my guided journals, is that they are not a drag or punishment at all. They are a privilege. I don’t “have to” stretch every morning. I am healthy enough to “get to” stretch every morning. I don’t “have to” walk five times a week, I am healthy enough and have enough mobility to “get to” walk five times a week. The same is true of all my resolutions even the ones I set about writing and reading (I don’t get to read and write when I am experiencing psychosis).

Changing these two small words, “have to” to “get to” makes the difference in my attitude. It makes working on my resolutions a joy,  an accomplishment, a privilege,  an adventure. Unlike years before, I don’t see my list as a bunch of things I “should do” I see them as a bunch of things I “want to do.”

I have started to use the same language for my chores and other things I find difficult or not necessarily pleasant. I don’t “have to” do the dishes, I “get to” do the dishes because I am well enough to see that they need cleaning.

I know many of you struggle with your mental health in one way or another, and I know it isn’t always possible to talk yourself into a shower or to get out of bed. (Oh how I know these things), but on the days that you are functioning enough to try a task or two, try changing the two words, “have to” to “get to.”

I hope changing these words will change your perspective and help you accomplish new and better things. I have high hopes for 2019, and I think two simple words are going to help me make it a great year instead of just the status quo.

Setting Intentions for the New Year

01 Monday Jan 2018

Posted by in bipolar, caregivers, mental illness, relationships, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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Yesterday, I read this article in the New York Times . I thought the article was excellent. The title makes it seem as if it is only about New Year’s resolutions, but that isn’t the case. The article is about how willpower can cause damage to our health and compassion, pride and gratitude can create healing.

According to the article, research shows that we are willing to do many more tasks and accomplish much more if we feel proud, compassionate or grateful. I’m not going to explain the whole article here, but it is worth the read (I promise). It is one of the most interesting and possibly helpful, articles I have read on psychology in a long time.

So, as I look over the intentions I have written for 2018 and continue to add new ones over the next couple of days, I want to find far more ways to add pride, compassion, and gratefulness into my daily life. I can use all the healing and positive mental health benefits I can get, so this exercise seems like a worthy goal and a great way to start out 2018.

My husband and I sit down (without cell phones and television) to have dinner together most nights of the week. It isn’t that we have a fancy dinner, it is usually something easily prepared, leftovers, veggie burgers, fried egg sandwiches, or if we have been to Costco, we will have salmon filets. But it isn’t the food that we find important, it is the act of looking at each other and talking to one another. During dinner, we always ask the same question of each other, “What were the two best things that happened to you today?” There are times when we struggle to come up with two things, and other times when we list five or six. It is an exercise in gratitude that we have been practicing for a couple of years.

This year, I would like to add more rituals and exercises into our lives. I read on Facebook that a writer who I know keeps a jar and each week she writes down one good thing that happened and puts it into the jar. On New Year’s Day, she reads all 52 good things that happened in the last year. My husband and I are going to create such a jar, and make it our tradition to read all the highlights of the year the following New Year’s Eve or Day.  Keeping and adding to the jar should help with feeling more grateful all year long as my husband and I reflect on the best thing that happened to us each week.

Adding more compassion to our lives is fairly easy. I follow some blogs where people are going through some pretty tough health journeys (like cancer), and their words can often bring me to tears. I can make sure that I keep reading heartfelt stories and the experiences of others because it keeps my empathy and compassion muscles working. Also, I will continue to help raise money for the low income and homeless in our city. In fact, my husband and I are going to volunteer for one of our favorite non-profit’s events today. There is a concert in the park, and all of the donations received go to feeding, clothing, medical treatment, etc. for the poor. We are going to stand in a booth and collect donations, talk to people, and give out flyers.

I will continue to buy coffee, or lunch for homeless people who tell me they are hungry and ask me to buy them a meal. There are endless ways to show compassion. For example, I can have compassion on a barista at a coffee shop who is swamped with demanding customers – I can be patient and let her know that she is doing a good job and that I am not in a hurry. Ways to be compassionate will present themselves to me continuously, and I just need to be aware of being kind, and considerate of those around me.

The last of the three healing ways to make us more productive is pride. The article wasn’t suggesting we feel the kind of pride that makes us seem obnoxious to others. It was referring to a sense of pride, of being proud of a job well done.

I am proud when I finish a blog post. It doesn’t have to be a perfect blog post, and it doesn’t have to get dozens of likes. I am proud of having completed something that I think of as valuable. In the New Year, I plan to do much more writing (my mentor expects five to ten pages on my memoir every week), so I will have many opportunities to feel a sense of pride. My husband and I also want to cook a recipe that is new to us at least once a week in the New Year, so this is something I can do with my husband that would bring me a sense of pride.

If the researchers are right that compassion, gratitude, and pride are healing, then 2018 should be one of my healthiest years yet. If not, at least I will have made some great choices, and I can add that to my something to be proud of column which I hope is full

Picking A Word For 2016

09 Wednesday Dec 2015

Posted by in hope, mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized, writing

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Traditions can be the framework of a year, and they can tie one year to the next, marking each season for celebration.

My husband and I like to add small, easy to complete, traditions to our lives. We buy each other stocking stuffers each year, and on Christmas Eve, we fill the stockings and hang them before going to bed. We also make a list on New Year’s Eve of resolutions (goals and dreams) for the next year. Every year on Valentine’s Day, we remind each other that every day is about love, and we should celebrate our love 365 days, not one day and not by buying chocolates or jewelry.

Because we love little traditions, I look for ideas to incorporate into our lives throughout the year. Yesterday, on a writer’s Facebook page, she wrote about picking her word for the upcoming New Year. She said in a past year, she had picked the word, “rest.”  I have forgotten the word she picked for 2016, but I think it was “outside” because she is a literary travel writer and spends a good deal of time hiking and camping in remote places in the world.

I love the idea of picking a word for the upcoming year. I think it is an easy ritual or tradition that my husband and I can complete while doing our New Year’s resolutions each year. I have already thought about it, and I am going to pick the word, “attempt.” It embodies my hope for 2016. I hope to try more things, and combat the worsening symptoms of my illness like social isolation, lack of motivation, and social anxiety.

In the Oxford Dictionary and Thesaurus it lists these words and phrases for attempt: seek to achieve, complete, or master (a task, action, challenge, etc.) try, undertake, take on.

I need to expose myself to more things. I need to try more foods, travel more places, write more essays, send more essays out, network with more people, build more friendships, in other words, I need to attempt so much in order to grow my life and world bigger (combating the crushing walls that my illness tries to build).

I love my word, “attempt.”

Can you think of a word you would like to define the upcoming year for you?

5 Ways To Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions

06 Sunday Dec 2015

Posted by in hope, Uncategorized, writing

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My husband and I don’t go to Vegas, book tickets on a cruise, or head for the tropics to celebrate New Year’s. We don’t go to a fancy party, or drink champagne. I am usually in bed by nine and my husband gently wakes me up at midnight to give me a kiss and wish me a joyous, successful, healthy, and happy new year.

Although we don’t ring in the New Year with a fancy party, for several hours before midnight we bring out the list of the resolutions we made the past year, and create a new list for the year we are ringing in. Last night we got out the list for 2015 in preparation, and we were both surprised. This is the first time in seventeen years that we accomplished over half of the items on our list.

Here are the five things you can do to help keep your resolutions in 2016.

  1. List specific goals not resolutions. Instead of writing, “Go to the gym more.” Try writing things like, “I will take a walk three times a week.”
  1. List details about your goals or the steps necessary to make them happen. One of our goals was to publish a book of poetry that included all of the poets in a workshop I attended. We wrote down three steps to make that happen. The first one was to ask all the poets for three poems. The second was to format the book. The third was to find a publisher. I am happy to report that the book, Sunday’s at Liberty Station was published by my husband and me in 2015.
  1. Keep the list in plain sight. In previous years, we made the list and then put it in a pile of papers somewhere and forgot about it until New Year’s Eve. This year, we kept the list in plain sight. We frequently referred to it, checked it, and crossed off the goals we had accomplished. One of the things we completed in 2015, because we reminded ourselves by checking the list, was to consolidate our finances. Just like the poetry book, we had several steps to take to make that happen, and as we accomplished the steps, we checked them off.
  1. Make it an active part of your life. By keeping the list in plain sight and checking off the steps you have accomplished, your resolutions (goals) become more like your yearly to-do list and less like a vague list of wishes you hope somehow to accomplish.
  1. Make the list team work. If you have a partner, this step is easier, but if not ask a friend or a relative to go over your list with you. Let them know what you hope to accomplish. Make them a buddy in your resolutions (goals) and ask them to help hold you accountable.

As you accomplish all of your resolutions (goals) in 2016, don’t forget to celebrate. Those small celebrations throughout the year can make up for dozing off before midnight on New Year’s Eve.