Tag Archives: shopping

One Simple Thing and Our Lives Just Got Easier

27 Tuesday Nov 2018

Posted by in bipolar, caregivers, hope, mental illness, relationships, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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Twelve years ago, when my husband and I moved to San Diego, we bought a California king bed for our new apartment. Six months ago, my father-in-law sold his condominium and offered us his almost new king-sized bed. When my husband measured the two beds to make sure that the new one would fit in our room, he noticed that something was wrong. They were different sizes. He guessed that his fathers was a standard king and that is why it was different than ours, but his father’s bed was longer than ours. When he investigated further he discovered, our bed was a standard king, and his fathers was a California king.

For twelve years we had struggled to make the bed. We never found a set of sheets that fit correctly and after a year or so they would end up ripping at the corners. It was a constant battle to keep the fitted edges tucked in, and almost every night the sheet would pop off on mine or my husband’s side (usually mine because I toss and turn more in my sleep) — twelve years of battles.

Last week we received a Target gift card and went to the store and bought a set of red stripped flannel sheets in a standard king size. We washed them, then made the bed, and they fit perfectly. There was no pulling, tugging and stretching the corners to get the fitted edges over the side. Making the bed has become a breeze, and we no longer have to lift the mattress and stretch the elastic over the corner each morning when we wake up. We received another Target gift card a couple of days ago and went and bought two more sets of standard king-sized sheets and we boxed up all of our old linens to donate to Goodwill (I doubt they take bedding, but we will try).

I thought the story of our bed was a perfect metaphor for so many things in life that destroy our well being, damage our relationships and chip away at our self-esteem. Have you ever thought something about a person and struggled to make them fit your idea? Have you ever thought something was good, or right and wrestled to make yourself fit the mold? Have you ever wanted to be two to three sizes smaller and dieted and worked out, but never fit into the clothes you were dreaming about?

Twelve years of struggling to make the bed combined with dozens of torn sheets – throw out the assumptions and expectations and measure the darn bed! In other words, toss the assumptions, check the facts, and if they don’t match up, go to Target and remedy the situation.

A Smile for Service Workers this Holiday Season

28 Tuesday Nov 2017

Posted by in relationships, Uncategorized

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Last night my husband and I went to the grocery store. I feel like I should tell you that I was hungry, the store was packed, and the lines were long. I feel like I should tell you that so you don’t think I am a horrible person, but that is the problem with this story. I’m not a horrible person and so frequently online, and in person, people will make you feel like you are horrible for the slightest things – one tiny misstep and you are someone marginalizing other people.

Here is what happened: I was walking through a crowded store with my husband looking for tea. I saw one of the men who works at the store stocking boxes, and I said, “Where is the tea?” He said, “Hi.” I said, “Do you know where the tea is?” He said, “Hi.” I finally figured out what he was trying to do and I laughed a little and said, “Okay, hi. Do you know where the tea is?” My laughter wasn’t because I thought what he did was funny. I thought what he did was try to force me to behave in a way that he preferred. Now, I know greeting someone before you ask them a question is a polite thing to do, but honestly, I wasn’t trying to be rude. I was asking a question of someone who worked in the store.

I feel like the man was trying to “teach” me some manners. I felt a little shamed and like a child. I also feel like if he can’t handle being asked where something is without a “proper” greeting, he probably shouldn’t work in a grocery store. I can’t be the only person who asked him the location of a product without saying hello that day. But, that being said, he was right. I should have greeted him first. I should always have the time and make an effort to recognize people’s humanity before asking or expecting something from them.

Honestly, I think you can tell the character of a person by how they treat people who are “serving” them – like in a restaurant. I try to be polite to everyone who serves me. I say please and thank you, and tip well at the end of the meal. I don’t think anyone is beneath me. Of course, the man in the store’s point hit me so hard that the next time I ask someone in a store a question, you can bet that I will greet them first. I think greeting someone first is a good policy, but I feel like we need to have some tolerance for people’s missteps, or mistakes without shaming them (I have written about not shaming people many times).

I guess I should be thankful that I now know that some people working at the grocery store feel mistreated by customers (although I always think of restaurant workers when I think of bad clientele, I never thought of a grocery store as having demanding or demeaning customers on a regular basis).

It is Christmas time, and it is a difficult time to be someone in the service industry, so I hope that my little story here will remind you that people are people and need to be treated with respect even when we are hungry, in a hurry or a bad mood. I just hope you don’t get forced or shamed into treating them that way – hopefully, the joy of the season will infect you, and you will naturally and spontaneously treat everyone with kindness, compassion, patience, and love.

I Carry A First Aid Kit And So Do You

21 Monday Mar 2016

Posted by in hope, mental illness, relationships, schizophrenia, writing

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My husband and I walked into a big box store because we were looking for a replacement band for his watch. We found the area where they sell watches, but we didn’t see any bands. We walked to the electronics section where there were two women talking to each other behind the counter.

My husband approached the counter and although he was in full view of the clerk she continued her conversation with her colleague. She didn’t smile at my husband; she didn’t say, “I’ll be right with you.” She made no signs to show that he was a person who was in need of her attention.

After a minute, the woman looked at my husband and said, “Yes?”

He asked if they had any watchbands in the stores and she said, “I don’t think so.”

This incident isn’t the first time I have gone into a store, and someone acted as if I was invisible. Not recognizing or addressing someone existence is an aggressive way to deal with people. It is like saying, “I don’t see you. You don’t matter. You have no importance.”

My husband’s step mother is from France and thinks that America has the best customer service. I disagree. Too frequently, I am treated or my husband or someone else in the store, are treated as if they do not exist. I have seen it at major coffee shops (the baristas are too busy with their conversation to take the order of someone waiting in line). I have seen it in department stores, and I have seen it in restaurants.

And these people are being paid to provide people with service and make them feel like coming back to the store, restaurant, or coffee shop.

These scenarios are the closest thing I know of to how the homeless must feel every time someone walks by them and avoids their eyes. All the people who don’t want to know that someone is suffering in the street. Even if we don’t intend to give them money (I don’t always have a small bill and at times I carry no money at all) we can say hi to them. We can wish them a good day. We can say to them with a few words and a smile, “You are human. I see you. You matter.”

I know this must be asking too much of some people because even when they are trained and paid and on the clock they can’t manage to treat others with that much dignity and respect.

I wish all people would learn to treat each other with dignity, importance, and respect. But if people in the service industry can’t muster that kind of response and we experience it, let it be a reminder to us; there are people in our lives living in unimaginable conditions that we can make visible by eye contact, words, and smiles.

I have made it my new hobby that when I am treated badly to check my behavior and make sure I’m not spreading that aggression and disrespect.

All of us can be healers, even if we have wounds; especially if we have wounds. It is a wrapping of the band aids on injuries – we are all first aid kits.

Thinking About People And The Environment Over The Holidays

30 Monday Nov 2015

Posted by in Uncategorized

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This is the time of year that we think more about other people. No matter which of the holidays we celebrate most of us will probably end up buying a least a few gifts for family, friends, or coworkers.

There are a couple of ways to make the holidays better for people you don’t even know. There are ways to touch the lives of others and increase their wellbeing.

Something I bring up frequently, because I am highly aware of it, is buying socks for the homeless. While you are out shopping this year, if you happen to see some nice thick socks on sale, buy a few (or a dozen) and deliver them to your nearest shelter. I frequently find them at Costco and at the dollar stores.

Of course this time of year, it is easy to find places to give to – you can give your spare change to Salvation Army as you leave major stores, you can give a toy to Toys For Tots at most malls, and many offices and churches adopt a family and buy that family the items on their wish list.

Because most of us will be shopping more than usual, there is a huge way to impact other people’s lives – people you probably don’t think about much, and most likely will never meet or see. You can refuse to buy products that are made by child labor or in sweatshops. People are dying from working in factories in many places in the world – they are using toxic chemicals, working in dangerous buildings, etc. If you can help it, please don’t buy the products made by the companies that hire children and don’t consider the health or safety of their workers.

How can you avoid buying these products that are literally killing people? The best way is to buy used because that way you are protecting people as well as the environment (no new resources were used in creating the product). You might wonder how you could give a gift that has been used. I wouldn’t give used clothes for a present, but I would give a used vase, painting, jewelry, collectable, etc. You can find great used things at shopgoodwill.com and possibly at your local thrift store.

Another way to avoid products where workers are being harmed, and to help your neighbors, is to shop locally. Buy products like soap, food, clothing that are made in your city or state.  Again, this is beneficial on many levels – you aren’t buying from products made by child labor or in dangerous factories, you are helping your own local economy and you are lowering the environmental impact of the products you buy by reducing shipping (boats, planes, trains, trucks, etc.)

One of my favorite ways to help small businesses is to buy from Etsy. I buy handmade recycled and repurposed clothes from people sewing those clothes in their own homes. My favorite pieces of clothing have come from Etsy. I have also bought handmade journals, ceramics, jewelry, etc. from shops on Etsy.

And when it comes to chocolate and coffee, buy Fair Trade – buying Fair Trade will help the farmers make a living wage.

There are so many ways to give to people, care for the environment, and basically be a great global citizen during the holidays and every day. I’m not perfect about these things, and I am always learning new ways to vote with my dollars, but this is a case of every little bit helps. I hope you will decide to help too.  If we make a few changes, we can feel good about what we purchase all year.