Tag Archives: social anxiety

It is all About the Risk

12 Saturday May 2018

Posted by in caregivers, hope, mental illness, relationships, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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People with schizophrenia (and those without) frequently have difficulty in social situations. I figured out what the big deal is behind some of the anxiety, discomfort, awkwardness of social situations for so many of us, and what I discovered was that it has to do with risk. We all have to risk something to be around other people and interact with them.

I am in a class right now, and I am required to critique other writer’s work. I critiqued one woman’s essay and completely misunderstood what she wrote. She may have thought that I am dense, or that I am a poor reader, others in the class may have thought that my schizophrenia impacts my cognitive abilities or many other things. The point is, to be in the class, I have to take risks. I have to risk looking stupid. I have to risk misunderstandings of all kinds. There is so much to risk just by taking a class.

Going to parties, or having a job, or going to coffee with a friend, all of these things require risks on different levels. Having a job involves a lot more risk than going to a party, and having coffee with a friend requires less risk than that of attending a party. But all social interactions require us to take risks. The better we are at taking risks, and recovering from flaws, mistakes, failures, etc. probably corresponds with our level of anxiety about being with people.

Before I was on medication, making a mistake or being embarrassed could cause me to spend the whole night awake thinking about what a fool or failure I was, and I would play the incident out in my head over and over again. I would torture myself. Now, that I am on medication, and my inner voice is very subdued, if not almost non-existent, I am not as hard on myself. I wonder if some of this has to do with age and the fact that I am more gentle with myself in general? I’m not sure, but for whatever reason, I recover much quicker from social “mistakes” than I used to.

I think this “recovery” from slip-ups, missteps, accidents, misunderstandings, etc. is what keeps me from slipping into complete social isolation. I am not “horrified” that I am an imperfect person and that those imperfections play out in the social arena every time I enter it. I also don’t consider myself a complete failure or idiot for making a mistake or looking foolish.

This discovery felt very relevant to me this morning after thinking about my class and my interactions with other people.

From Breast Cancer to Social Anxiety, Social Media can Help

02 Saturday Dec 2017

Posted by in mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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I have frequently written about social media – people curating the “perfect life” on Instagram and Facebook, ganging up on people on Twiter, and of course, the mind-numbing time suck it can be. I have also written about my love of social media. Snapchat has added so much humor and connection to my life and is a positive addition to my days.

Of course, I have written that social media can be a savior to those of us who isolate socially, or are homebound, or have social anxiety. But there is something I found out this week that made me realize why I spend so much time reading the posts of others on social media – I find people with similar experiences to me.

I have written a little about the fact that while I am going through my breast cancer scare (that has lasted almost a year now) that I have found comfort, information, and support by reading about women in all different phases of breast cancer. Some of those women recently diagnosed, some in the midst of radiation or chemo, some survivors for over ten years. I have read story after story and followed some people’s journey all the way from diagnosis to their final treatment. I have learned about all the emotions that go into a cancer diagnosis, a mastectomy, hair loss, the thoughts of mortality, the fear, the sadness, the brain fog, etc. And on the other side, I have seen comments by hundreds of women, who like me, have had long drawn out tests that ended up being negative. I feel educated about this topic by a group of women across the globe.  I can’t say how much this has comforted and kept me sane during this process (my next test is on Dec. 13th.)

It hasn’t only been breast cancer, though. Earlier in the week, I read a post from a woman asking for suggestions on how to get through her anxiety. She wrote that she couldn’t tell the difference between excitement and fear/anxiety and her upcoming trip to Spain was causing her problems. What? I thought I was the only person on the planet that hated to be excited because I can’t distinguish that feeling from negative feelings. Excitement makes me nervous, anxious, shaky, uncomfortable and scared.

There are also the people I have met on social media who have schizophrenia. I can read what they post every day, and the things that they like and are concerned about and what they are doing with their time. Knowing other people with schizophrenia, and getting to experience bits and pieces of their lives, helps me feel less alone and not so different in the world. The people I have met on social media with schizophrenia are like me – they read, they socialize, they grocery shop, they have pets, and they do average and “normal” things. See, I’m not an exception, or an anomaly, I am like so many other people who experience symptoms every day but go about living a full life.

For all my complaints about social media, I think the benefits; I gain from it far out weight any criticism I have of it. If something can educate, comfort, support, and help you feel a sense of belonging and community,  that is not a bad thing. And it is all at my fingertips twenty-four hours a day – you can’t beat that, doctors and therapists don’t keep those hours, and I get every bit as much from social media without the office hours or co-pays.

 

 

 

Symptoms and Celebrations

15 Saturday Aug 2015

Posted by in mental illness, schizophrenia

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There are things I do in order to adjust to my illness. My husband goes along with these adjustments to accommodate me and make me as comfortable as possible in every setting. I don’t know what other couples have to deal with but I imagine they make concessions for one another too. Schizophrenia is complicated and never far from our life, but most of the time we don’t notice it threatening or knocking at the door – we have grown so accustomed to trying to keep it silent by altering our lives.

Last night we met up with our regular group of friends (there are eight of us in the group). We met up at a bar in a part of the city that makes me uncomfortable. It is possible to find free parking around the bar if you are willing to circle a few blocks out. It is summer right now, so it stays light much longer, but when we meet at this bar in the winter time, it is always dark when we leave.

I don’t like walking through certain neighborhoods even during the day, but walking them at night terrifies me. My husband really loves these outings with our friends, and it is definitely good for me to socialize with people besides my husband. So, we make an effort to go, and the way we handle parking is something my husband and I agreed upon over three years ago when we first started meeting up there. We pay for parking in the lot right next to the bar.

My husband and I are usually very frugal and don’t spend extra money on anything, but in order for me not to be overcome by anxiety, we pay the eight dollars. Our friends always tease us about paying for parking but we know it is well worth it for me to enjoy our time with our friends and not spend the whole night focused on the fear of walking to the car when we leave.

Eight dollars is very little to pay for peace of mind.

We are meeting with the same group of friends for brunch tomorrow, and then one of our friends is performing in the park later in the day, and we plan to go and watch her play her guitar and sing.

I have spent the whole week in the house. I have barely stepped outside, and the only person I have talked to face to face is my husband. The strange thing is, I don’t mind this social isolation at all. Tonight before going to the bar, I wanted to back out of our plans, but my husband was insistent. It was one of our friend’s birthdays last week, and another one of our friends just completed graduate school.

I have such a good time when we all get together, but getting me there is the hard part.

With the happy hour last night, and the brunch today, I consider the weekend to be fully packed. I may go into shock from laughing and talking so much (I tend to talk a lot when we all get together, or at least I think I do. I definitely laugh a lot).

Sunday, my husband and I plan to have cream cheese, smoked salmon, capers, red onions and slices of tomatoes on toasted bagels for breakfast. We will also buy cream for our coffee as a special treat (we normally use milk).  This is the breakfast we always have when we are celebrating something special with my husband’s family. We have been doing it for seventeen years. It is the first time my husband and I will prepare this meal for just the two of us without having relatives over or being at a relative’s house.

For someone who has social anxiety and who socially isolates seeing friends three times in one weekend is reason to celebrate.

Heck, being alive is worth celebrating, and so is having a spare eight bucks to pay for parking.

We don’t need to wait for the relatives, we can have our own party for any reason we want to.

Here’s to you celebrating this weekend – have a great time!