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From Breast Cancer to Social Anxiety, Social Media can Help

02 Saturday Dec 2017

Posted by A Journey With You in mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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anxiety, breast cancer, Facebook, Instagram, mental health, mental illness, mentally ill, schizophernia, Snapchat, social anxiety, social media, twitter

I have frequently written about social media – people curating the “perfect life” on Instagram and Facebook, ganging up on people on Twiter, and of course, the mind-numbing time suck it can be. I have also written about my love of social media. Snapchat has added so much humor and connection to my life and is a positive addition to my days.

Of course, I have written that social media can be a savior to those of us who isolate socially, or are homebound, or have social anxiety. But there is something I found out this week that made me realize why I spend so much time reading the posts of others on social media – I find people with similar experiences to me.

I have written a little about the fact that while I am going through my breast cancer scare (that has lasted almost a year now) that I have found comfort, information, and support by reading about women in all different phases of breast cancer. Some of those women recently diagnosed, some in the midst of radiation or chemo, some survivors for over ten years. I have read story after story and followed some people’s journey all the way from diagnosis to their final treatment. I have learned about all the emotions that go into a cancer diagnosis, a mastectomy, hair loss, the thoughts of mortality, the fear, the sadness, the brain fog, etc. And on the other side, I have seen comments by hundreds of women, who like me, have had long drawn out tests that ended up being negative. I feel educated about this topic by a group of women across the globe.  I can’t say how much this has comforted and kept me sane during this process (my next test is on Dec. 13th.)

It hasn’t only been breast cancer, though. Earlier in the week, I read a post from a woman asking for suggestions on how to get through her anxiety. She wrote that she couldn’t tell the difference between excitement and fear/anxiety and her upcoming trip to Spain was causing her problems. What? I thought I was the only person on the planet that hated to be excited because I can’t distinguish that feeling from negative feelings. Excitement makes me nervous, anxious, shaky, uncomfortable and scared.

There are also the people I have met on social media who have schizophrenia. I can read what they post every day, and the things that they like and are concerned about and what they are doing with their time. Knowing other people with schizophrenia, and getting to experience bits and pieces of their lives, helps me feel less alone and not so different in the world. The people I have met on social media with schizophrenia are like me – they read, they socialize, they grocery shop, they have pets, and they do average and “normal” things. See, I’m not an exception, or an anomaly, I am like so many other people who experience symptoms every day but go about living a full life.

For all my complaints about social media, I think the benefits; I gain from it far out weight any criticism I have of it. If something can educate, comfort, support, and help you feel a sense of belonging and community,  that is not a bad thing. And it is all at my fingertips twenty-four hours a day – you can’t beat that, doctors and therapists don’t keep those hours, and I get every bit as much from social media without the office hours or co-pays.

 

 

 

The Three Words We Should Use More Often

23 Monday Oct 2017

Posted by A Journey With You in caregivers, mental illness, relationships, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

≈ 7 Comments

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childhood, disability, Facebook, LGBTQ, manners, mental health, mental illness, racial issues, schizophrenia], social engagement, social media, twitter, wellness

This post has nothing to do with schizophrenia. Then again, it sprang from my mind, and I have schizophrenia, so maybe it does. It is possible that my thoughts and emotions are tied to my illness and work together in ways we have yet to discover – a post for another day.

 

Social media is full of divisiveness. I belong to several Facebook groups, and members frequently have what turns into shaming, arguing, dog-piling, threats, etc. over racial issues or LGBTQ issues and to a lesser extent disability issues. I’ll give you an example: someone will post something, and a POC will say that the post is racist and caused them injury. Rather than simply apologize and move on, the original poster will become defensive, or tell the POC that they could have pointed it out in a “nicer” way. This is just one straightforward example, but there are hundreds if not thousands of examples. The same is true on Twitter, and it happens even with the President.

I just don’t get it. Whatever happened to the three simple words, I am sorry?

I think we have forgotten our manners, our upbringing, our social graces. When someone in real life tells you that you have hurt their feelings, many people respond with, “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!” Of course, there are those people who get defensive, avoid the issue, or say something insensitive like, “You need to stop being so sensitive.” We all know people like that and our relationships with most of them are less than we would like – in other words, they aren’t usually our bestie. There is nothing that lets the tension out of a situation like saying, and meaning, those three simple words (I am sorry).

Why don’t people behave online the same way they behave in person? Or do people behave that badly in real life? If they do, how do they manage in the workplace and their intimate relationships?

I remember an (old) popular saying, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” The use of the phrase came from a film in the 1970’s “Love Story.” It is a terrible erroneous statement. To me, love means rushing to say you are sorry when you have hurt the one you love. Maybe that is the problem with social media; we don’t see the people posting as people – people we might care for, like, or be friends with in real life. My guess is that most people on social media are decent, can have their feelings easily hurt and need respect, care, and understanding like the people we are around every day.

I’ve never thought the things my parents taught me would go out of fashion, but I feel like a dinosaur on this issue. It seems like we have reached a state where we need classes on civility and compassion in school. I suggest they name the classes, “learning to say you are sorry,” and go from there.

A Saturday post that has Nothing to do with Schizophrenia

25 Saturday Jul 2015

Posted by A Journey With You in hope, relationships, writing

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Tags

beauty, creative nonfiction, Facebook, hope, inspiration, life, living, relationships, social media, texting, twitter, writing

Last weekend my husband’s brother, his wife, and two kids came to visit us. They hit terrible traffic and a drive that normally takes three and a half hours took over six. They were tired, grumpy and hungry when they arrived. I’m not much of a cook (okay, I’m not a cook at all) so we decided to treat them to a specialty pizza place a few blocks from our house (they appreciated not getting back in the car).

The pizza place is nothing fancy, but it has really good food – white pizza (which is, if you don’t know, a pizza without the tomato sauce), pizzas with loads of garlic, huge servings of delicious salads (we usually get the Greek one), and they have a variety of very tasty paninis (some vegetarian, some not). They also serve beer and wine.

As we were all sitting at a table waiting for our food to come out, my husband and I were reminiscing about our birthday party two years ago that we had at the pizza place. We remembered the party and its great turn out with fondness. We bought pizza and the first drink for all the attendees, after that, they were on their own.

Just before the food arrived, my husband said to me, “Let’s come here once a week. Let’s make it a standing date night.”

“That sounds fantastic.” I said.

We have been looking for places in our city to frequent often so that the staff will recognize our faces, and possibly after several months, get to know our names. My husband and I are more often than not just faces in the crowd. We are frequently anonymous, and we want to be more of a part of our city and the life that goes on here.

My husband has his job (where of course he is well known), we have a group of friends that we hang out with on a fairly regular basis, I know some writers, and my husband has his regular volunteer work at the soup kitchen (where he is also well know), but the truth is we still spend a lot of time just the two of us together. We want to belong more to our city, and the people who live here.

Last night we went back to the pizza place for our first date night there. The young men who work there are always quick with their smiles (they seems so genuinely happy). I only recognized one of them from when we were there last weekend, and I’m not sure he recognized us.

Since my husband and I went public with my diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia approximately five to six months ago, we have really come out of our protective shell.

In the age of cell phones and selfies, Facebook and Twitter, this is the opposite approach most people are taking. Most people want to create what the world sees of them. We want to look people in the eyes, hear their voices, and make a real connection that has nothing to do with putting on our best face. Our real faces will do. We would like to shake people’s hands, look them in the eyes, and share a few stories or laughs that don’t require hitting a like button.

I guess we want to step back in time a little, leave technology at home, practice our social skills, and be more involved in the vibrant, beautiful, amazing lives that are going on all around us.

If you are out today and you see a woman and man with their heads buried in their phones texting or updating their Facebook status, that isn’t us.

We’ll be the ones talking to servers in restaurants, having a conversation with the cashier, smiling at the people who cross our path, and holding hands and having a conversation about our hopes and dreams. If you see us, stop us, and let’s have a chat, because this is the stuff real life is made of and it won’t be a status on Facebook.

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