Tag Archives: voice hearers

What If Other People Could Hear the Voices Talking?

16 Monday Apr 2018

Posted by in bipolar, caregivers, mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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MIT created a device that gives voice to the voice inside your head.  From my understanding, the device doesn’t read your mind, the user speaks silently to themselves, and the device recognizes the words.

I was thinking about the further development of this technology and how it might help doctors to better understand schizophrenia by allowing them to “hear” the voices that so many of us who have the illness either hear or have heard.

Imagine if a psychiatrist could “listen” in while a patient is having a conversation with God, Jesus, or any other number of deities, spirits, or hallucinations I have heard people with schizophrenia describe.

Would it be possible for the doctors to help us “control” the voices we hear? Would it be possible for them to begin to understand why we hear let’s say the voice of Jesus because that is a common experience among people who hear voices? What could they learn from the conversations we have with our voices?

I know the technology may never be used in this way because it doesn’t read the mind. I wish it could though because I would love to have other people hear what it is like to have conversations with God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit. Also, I would love to have documentation of some of the previous discussions I have had, because many of them seemed like there was no way I could make them up or even know some of the information the voices and I were discussing. A mind is a fascinating place, and schizophrenia is just one of its mysteries.

I hope they’ll make progress in this area, and that the progress benefits voice hearers. I for one, would find this exciting, fascinating, and potentially useful for treatment on many levels.

 

Silence vs. Hearing Voices

15 Monday Jan 2018

Posted by in bipolar, mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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Even before my first episode of hearing voices, I had a very noisy mind.

When I was in my twenties, before my diagnosis of schizophrenia, I frequently laid awake at night and went over a situation or conversation I had had during that day. I played things over and over again in my head. I often regretted something about what I had said or done. My actions and words would keep me awake at night. I was deeply insecure, felt shame on many occasions and questioned my responses to so much of what I was doing. During those times when I would play things over in my head, I would hear a voice (my internal voice) talking to me. It was a voice I heard in my heard most of the day. It was my internal dialogue.

That kind of hearing a “voice” is common for almost everyone. It is very different than hearing the voices I did when I was psychotic. When I am psychotic, the voices are not “my” voice (although I also hear my voice because I have conversations with the other voices). The last time I was psychotic I had three voices besides “mine” talking to me. I heard the voice of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.

Not only do antipsychotic drugs clear up the voices that are intrusive and outside of my control (I know some people can direct and control or at least influence the voices they hear, but I can’t), they stop the voice that is “mine.” Rarely do I hear a running commentary in my mind of what I am doing, saying, planning, thinking or dreaming. In other words, my mind is mostly quiet.

When I am writing, I hear the words as I am typing them and occasionally, I will talk to myself inside of my head, but it is rare. The majority of the time it is blank. Silent. Nothing.

What antipsychotics do is give me more control over my mind. I don’t seem to do well with anxiety, paranoia, or a few other symptoms, but I no longer have a noisy mind. I think that people who meditate try to silence their mind and I don’t blame them. There are healing and comfort in a silenced mind.

When I told my husband that most of the time I don’t hear a voice (mine), he said, it was bizarre even to consider. I have grown to like this silence because when there is noise, it is not a good sign. And the ability to bring up my internal voice when I want to also helps my writing. I can have an idea for a blog post or essay and work the writing out in my mind before I ever sit down at the computer. I will work through the words and the writing with my internal voice.

Not having running commentary by a critical or judgmental or doubting internal voice helps me to deal with the other symptoms when they arise. It also helps me with my courage because I have one less voice talking to me about stigma, stupid ideas, embarrassing moments, etc. even if that one less voice was always one that belonged to me.