Tag Archives: yoga

Going from the Status Quo to Pro

02 Wednesday Jan 2019

Posted by in bipolar, caregivers, hope, mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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I know I said I wasn’t going to make resolutions but to be completely transparent I spent three weeks before the New Year making them. Every other year, I have scratched a list out on New Year’s Eve, tossed it in a notebook and then dug it out late December to discover I hadn’t done a single thing on the list (or maybe, I had done one or two if I was lucky).

This year, I was fascinated by the process. I even started some of the resolutions as soon as I made them. For instance, I have been stretching (some would call it doing yoga) for twenty-five minutes every morning for two weeks now. I have also been walking forty minutes five days a week for a couple of weeks.

The thing I realized about all of my resolutions, is that they are all about trying to keep me healthy in mind, body, spirit. The other thing I realized, thanks to one of my guided journals, is that they are not a drag or punishment at all. They are a privilege. I don’t “have to” stretch every morning. I am healthy enough to “get to” stretch every morning. I don’t “have to” walk five times a week, I am healthy enough and have enough mobility to “get to” walk five times a week. The same is true of all my resolutions even the ones I set about writing and reading (I don’t get to read and write when I am experiencing psychosis).

Changing these two small words, “have to” to “get to” makes the difference in my attitude. It makes working on my resolutions a joy,  an accomplishment, a privilege,  an adventure. Unlike years before, I don’t see my list as a bunch of things I “should do” I see them as a bunch of things I “want to do.”

I have started to use the same language for my chores and other things I find difficult or not necessarily pleasant. I don’t “have to” do the dishes, I “get to” do the dishes because I am well enough to see that they need cleaning.

I know many of you struggle with your mental health in one way or another, and I know it isn’t always possible to talk yourself into a shower or to get out of bed. (Oh how I know these things), but on the days that you are functioning enough to try a task or two, try changing the two words, “have to” to “get to.”

I hope changing these words will change your perspective and help you accomplish new and better things. I have high hopes for 2019, and I think two simple words are going to help me make it a great year instead of just the status quo.

Taking Care Of Our Health (Mind And Body)

27 Sunday Dec 2015

Posted by in mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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My arch collapsed on my left foot about a year ago. I went to the doctor, and he recommended physical therapy and exercises to strengthen the foot, and surrounding muscles. I never went to the physical therapy and I never did the exercises. My back has started to really bother me, so yesterday I started doing the stretches. My back hurt so much last night that I had difficulty sleeping. I did a few stretches again this morning.

There is so much about our health that is our own responsibility: exercise, stretching, taking medications, eating right, etc. all of those things are in our control. Some people are very good at taking their health into their own hands and improving on an illness that was outside of their control to begin with.

I need to take care of my body in the same way I have learned over the years to take care of my mind. I take my medications every day. I try to avoid stress. I am careful to get at least eight hours of sleep. I spend a good deal of time alone in order to calm down and find peace. Now, it is time to use the same principals for my body as I do for my mind.

Stretching and regular exercise are going to be like my medication – they are not options, they are necessary.

It took me several years of repeated episodes of psychosis to get on my medication and stay on my medication. I must be a slow learner because it has taken me a year to take the recommendations of the doctor about my foot.

I hope none of you are as slow to learn as I am. In the case of schizophrenia, medication has given me the ability to accomplish so many things and live a relatively normal life. In the case of my foot – I am hoping stretches and exercise will make this pain go away. These lessons have been hard learned.

Just like it takes time to get regulated on medication, it is going to take time to see if these stretches and exercises ease the pain in my back. Of course now I wish I could hurry the process, one I probably could have avoided if I had taken my doctor seriously.

I Don’t Know Everything About Schizophrenia, But Trust What Works For Me

19 Saturday Dec 2015

Posted by in mental illness, schizophrenia, Uncategorized

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I finished watching the series, River, on Netflix. After I had watched two episodes I wrote about it on Psych Central.  

Now that I have finished the series, I feel like, “Yeah, I wish that my experience was like his. I wish that I could treat the voices I hear when I am psychotic by talking to people, or learning how to handle the voices, or learning what they represent in my life: pain, loss, regret, self-loathing, etc.”

On social media (mostly Twitter) people often send me “natural” ways to heal schizophrenia, or they send me articles where the author states that a psychotic episode is similar to a Kundalini awakening. (Here is a short article on it, but usually people send much lengthier ones).

Not only would I love to treat my voices by talking back to them or discovering their meaning in my life, I would also love to be enlightened. No one wants these things more than me, but the truth is, the voices I hear often turn threatening (not toward others, but toward me) and I am afraid to try these techniques because what if I lose a battle with the voices and end up dead? Was going against “the medical establishment” that people often write to me about claiming it is killing me and a big scam, really worth it if I am no longer living? No. The answer is, no.

I can’t tell other people how to treat their mental illness. I can’t say what does, and what doesn’t work for others. I can’t say that a “Kundalini awakening” is a mental illness (maybe it is, and maybe it isn’t).

What I can say is that I have had some amazing insights into religion and life while I was psychotic (much of what happens when I am psychotic is simply nonsense or terrifying), and those insights have stayed with me. I say that to prove that I don’t have all the answers to mental illness. The fact that so many people believe they are Jesus when they are psychotic means something. I am not willing to speculate on what that means, because I don’t know. I don’t know why most of my episodes are highly religious in nature, and others describe this too. I’m not sure why that is. You’ll have to consider it for yourself.

I do know that I wish people trusted me to find my own path with my schizophrenia. I believe that I need to take medications in order to live the best life I can. I can respect that some people don’t believe that. Okay, then… you go your way, and I’ll go mine. I’m taking my chances on the treatment that has saved my life more than once.

Believe me, I would love to try something else and be successful, but I’m not willing to risk my life and relationships for it. Some people believe the medical profession is trying to kill me, but I know I would be dead without it.

 

An 8 year old is my Inspiration for Better Living

01 Saturday Aug 2015

Posted by in hope, mental illness, schizophrenia, writing

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I am trying to focus on life beyond paranoid schizophrenia. Last week there was an article on the news about an 8 year old with cerebral palsy that finished a triathlon. At the end of the run, near the finish line, he left his walker behind and started to run by himself. He fell. He got up. He ran. He fell. He got up and crossed that finish line.

I want the determination, courage, and fierce can-do attitude of that 8 year old.

To remember:

Life is big and broad and bountiful. Get yourself to try something new or uncomfortable every single day. Grow and experience your way into more courage.

Love is all around us. Smile at people. Talk to people. Hold doors open for people. We all have a heavy load, help someone to carry theirs.

Put your phone down. Step away from the computer. Look people in the eyes, ask them about their day. Ask them about their family. Ask them if anything new is happening in their life. Reach out, and make a connection that has nothing to do with technology.

Make something with your own two hands. There is wonder and healing in creating with your own two hands. Stretch them out and use them on something besides a keyboard.

Bake something. If you know your way around the kitchen bake some bread – knead it, roll it, form it. The smell will lift your spirits for hours as it waifs through your home. When you cut into it, and take a bite, know that you created it. With a few ingredients you made something that can feed you and your loved ones. Live in the miracle of it.

Spend time doing things that make you laugh. Laughter is medicine for almost all that ails us. You can’t laugh and think of your problems at the same time. Let go! Find people, shows, books, videos that make you laugh from deep in the belly – blurt it out – yoga from the belly – meditation for the mind – salve for the soul.

Make plans to fulfill a dream. If you dream of traveling to a city, or country, buy travel books for that area. Start a jar for dollars and coins by your door, and every day empty your pocket into the jar – save the money for your trip.  If you dream of accomplishing something like writing a book, make yourself spend fifteen minutes at it every day. Work toward your dream, a little bit every day.  It will keep you moving forward. It will give you hope. Hope can carry you into tomorrow.

Think of something you can do for someone else. Does your spouse love breakfast in bed? Does your best friend love cupcakes? Give of your time. Give of your gifts. Give of yourself. The more you focus on others, and give up thoughts of yourself, the happier and healthier you will be.

Give sincere compliments freely. Tell your friend they look beautiful. Tell your spouse they are smart. Make your words healing words that help people become whole.

There is so much more that can be done to live courageously, to live intentionally, to put schizophrenia on the back burner and find the miracles, the wonders, and the joy in life.

I know all people suffer, but there is enough beauty to replenish our hurting hearts, souls and minds, and that beauty is free for all of us – seek it out, search for it, and mine it like gold. You can run the rest of the race without your walker, you may fall, but get up, the finish line is within reach.